Let Me Love My Killer
by Half-Winchester
Summary: Hush, crazy Lily, don't say a word, nobody needs know about the voice you heard. Tate wants Violet, you'll never win. Don't you know killing is a mortal sin? And if the darkness consumes you, too, at least you know that he'll never love you…
1. Chapter 1

I sort of always knew I was dating a sociopath. There was some darkness eating away at him, but I was the only one who saw it. Tate wasn't very easy to read, especially not among the people at school. I think he surprised the crap out of most of them, in the end. I wasn't surprised though. Once we were deep in our relationship, nothing about him surprised me.

He didn't fit the expected bill of a budding sadistic maniac. He did well in school. He was able to interact with his peers. He respected most of his elders, other than his mother.

Maybe that was it. Maybe it was his family life. I'd been to the house, the Murder House. It was huge for his family, just his mom and two siblings. His mother was a nut. Always smoking up a storm and just enough of a temper. She chained his brother Beauregard up in the attic, but he seemed happy enough. Of course, her boyfriend killed him. Maybe it was all that. Addy kept him in check, he never wanted her to be at the blunt of anything. So maybe it was his family.

Maybe it was me. No one really seemed to have known Tate well before we started dating.

I still remember every detail of the day we met…

"Who's that boy?" I nudged my friend, Missy.

"Which one?"

"The one with a cancer stick."

"The one outside?"

"Yeah. He's all alone. Who'd he come in with?"

"I don't know, maybe Anthony and them." She motioned to Anthony. "Tony! Come here."

He came over, red Solo cup in hand. "What?" He gave her a look. The look. She got it a lot. She was desirable like that.

"Who's that kid?"

Tony glanced over. "Oh, that's Tate."

"What's he doing here?"

"We asked him to come. He's pretty cool." I could see the apprehension in his eyes. "Why you asking?" He was afraid Missy wanted the boy outside.

"Lily likes staring at him." Missy smirked as she sipped out of her cup.

"Well, shit, Lil, get your ass out there." Tony nudged me towards the door.

"No, I'm, you know, okay. It's probably… cold…" I gazed out the window at the boy with the blonde hair.

Suddenly, an arm wrapped around my waist and my feet left the floor.

"Put me down Tony!"

"Not happening, sorry Lily."

He carried me all the way outside. I sighed. No use kicking and screaming, it would only be more embarrassing. He threw me over his shoulder and headed towards the boy. "Hey, Tate."

"What's… up?"

"This girl was staring at you. So here." My feet met the ground once again and Anthony darted off.

I spun around. His eyes were a deep brown and bore holes into my skull as they peeked out from under his soft hair. He had a few inches on me and wore a dark t-shirt under a black jacket. His jeans had holes in them. He was attractive.

We sat there for a moment, in the cold drizzle.

"You were staring at me?" A slight smile tugged at his mouth.

"I was just… You were out here… Alone… And I was just saying to…" I collected my thoughts quickly. "Could I snag a bogue?"

He held out his hand, the cigarette between his fingers, filter end facing me. "Just share mine."

Shivers went down my spine as I leaned in to his hand and inhaled.

"What's your name?" He asked, leaning onto the bench arm behind him.

"Lilian… Lily."

"Well, Lily…" Suddenly, he grabbed my leg and pulled it beside him. "How good are you at balance?"

I steadied myself on one leg, and laughed slightly.

"What?" He grinned.

"You could bash my skull in right now, with the corner behind me and all…" The corner of the wall behind me indeed was perfectly where I would fall if he let go of my leg.

"Oh. I'll fix that." He grabbed my other leg, pulling me into his lap.

"Hi."

"Hi."

He leaned in towards me, pulling me close. He didn't kiss me, as I thought he was going to. Instead, he lightly nipped my nose.

I wrapped my arms around him, though, and kissed him.

It turned out most of our friends were watching through the window, but it didn't matter. We were Lily and Tate, kissing for our very first time, in the light rain.

It continued, us two, into the next year. Winter came and went. Spring brought new life. Summer came around, though, and that's when tragedy struck.

A group of us had gone swimming. One minute Tate was there, the next he wasn't. I didn't know he wasn't there. Tony threw me in the water. No one but Tate knew I couldn't swim.

I don't know how long I was under water. I don't know how long it took them to notice that I never came up. All I know is that the next conscious thought I had was my friend Cameron's mouth over mine, and then spitting up a lot of water. Once I was done, though, and breathing, Cameron was kissing me again. This wasn't right. Tate kisses me, not Cameron. I was caught off guard.

Finally, when he stopped, everyone was staring. Cameron was grinning. I turned red.

"Where's Tate?" I stood quickly, wiping my mouth.

"You're blushing, Lil. You liked it." Missy was smirking again.

I felt a white hot rage as they all laughed. I didn't think about it, I just swung at Missy. When she went down, I spun on my heel, and there was Tate up on the porch.

I grabbed a towel. My clothes were soaked- I hadn't been wearing a bathing suit. I stormed up the steps.

Tate had looked confused. "Lily, what's going on?"

"We're leaving." I headed through the house, searching for my shoes. I felt tears pricking at my eyes as Tate continued to question me. _I'm a cheater now, aren't I? I cheated on the one person I truly loved… _

Suddenly, I slipped on the wood floor. Tate was beside me in a moment.

I was sobbing. I was sobbing and soaked to the core when I told him.

He took it rather well, though. Or, so I thought…

When Tate shot up the school, he killed everyone that had been there that day. He shot Cameron right in front of me.

But, I wasn't scared. I wasn't upset. As soon as I got the chance, I got past all the cops at the school, and I ran to his house. I still loved him, after he killed them all. I still loved him, the mass murder. I still wanted my psychopath.

I snuck in his window. In hindsight, I could've gone in the door. His mother would've let me in. Then, at least someone would've known I was there.

He was dark at first, but then he softened. We cried together. I didn't want the police to take him. We were going to run away, somewhere safe. No one would find us.

He was kissing me, and then his hands were around my neck.

I couldn't breathe.

I fell to my knees.

He wrapped his arm around my head and …. Snap. I was gone.

I saw everything after, unfortunately. He heard the men at the door, and he shoved my body under his bed. The sad thing, though, was watching him die. Shot, so many times. I cried for him. I cried for my killer. I still cry for him sometimes.

I keep going over and over it though. I don't want to admit it, but maybe it was me that drove him to madness. Maybe I was the darkness pulling him under.

Again and again. But it can't have been me. I look and look for more answers, for some scapegoat. It drives me to madness. There are millions of things that could've made Tate snap. It can't have been me.

Cannot.

Be.

Me.

**Please read and review. Next chapter will take place in present day, Violet and all. Sorry if I missed any grammar or spelling. Feel free to be critical, but I'd love compliments too. :)**


	2. Chapter 2

It must've been my fault, though. It was a continuous accusation thundering in my head.

_You drove Tate crazy. You killed all those people and you killed him. It was your fault he finally snapped. You knew he was a psychopath and you loved it. You fed into it. You were the darkness. _

So, I hid from him. I didn't want to face him. What if that's why he killed me? What if he were to say those words echoing in my head? I didn't have the strength to find out. So, I hid. It was easy to do, because he never looked for me.

I was always there though, always watching him. I loved him, even through the murders. He killed those two men in cold blood for that Nora woman. I think I even laughed at the irony of it. I was the darkness, I must be, encouraging my little monster. Loving every bad thing he had done just as much as I loved the good.

Of course, until he met Violet.

Since I met him, nothing he had ever done had ever angered me, frightened me, upset me or caused me any sort of pause. It had been nearly 18 years and only one thing drove me nuts, and that was his time with Violet.

Some of the ghost had known I was there. But I was always the silent one off to the side. No one recognized me or really knew me. They were all shocked when _I _snapped.

First, it was just me. I'd see how much blood I could spill on the floor before I healed and I'd time how long it took for Moira to insist upon cleaning it up. I'd cut my wrists, then my legs, then my stomach, then my neck. Blood everywhere. Always laughing.

When that wasn't enough, I started breaking things. Punching walls till may hands bled, smashing jars in the basement, breaking dishes. I started breaking Violet's things, which was risky. She never really seemed to think much of it. I didn't break anything huge, always afraid Tate would come around the corner while I was doing it.

After they slept together, I started truly going insane. First it was when I was alone in the bathroom and a nurse showed up. How scary she thought she was, oh woe is me, look what he did to me!

Look what I did to her, though. Blood dripping down the drain in the tub. Maybe it would leave stains. Moira cleaned up though. Always right behind me. Even if I had wanted someone to see, Moira would have prevented it.

Then it was those two twins. Red headed twins, little boys. I always had a soft spot for red heads, though. It didn't matter. They were throwing the damned snapper things they always threw around people's feet and I tripped and got pissed. I think I blacked out. Hours later, Moira was coaxing me into washing up. I was covered in blood.

Once I knew I could do it, I did it. So much shattered glass and blood and it was suddenly the only way I could sleep at night, knowing I could kill them, again and again. I would feel better soon. There were no hard feelings, right? They came back.

The gay couple. He killed them first, and I killed them again. The smug little asshole went first. The cheater… Oh, he went slowly. I pulled his guts out of his body and watched them still in my hands.

Moira came to clean that one up, but I insisted I must.

Violet died, soon after that. It was actually sort of beautiful, all his screaming about it. If only he had been that upset over my loss.

I calmed down a bit after her body was rotting. Her family shortly went to hell, and they all died. The mother gave birth to Tate's child. I would've hated her if it hadn't killed her. And the father died when the bitch Hayden stole the baby. Of course now, they were stuck in the house, but a small miracle happened once Violet told Tate to go away.

I wanted him to see me. I wanted him like you couldn't imagine. But, I waited. I plotted in dark corners.

It was Violet who said goodbye to Tate. It was Violet who Tate wanted forgiveness from. So perhaps, instead of Tate… I should show myself to Violet.

"No way!"

I had been casually sitting beside the banister at the top of the stairs when Violet first saw me.

I glanced up from picking at my shoe laces.

"There's someone my age actually here?" She quickly began to ascend the stairs.

I cocked my head to the side. "Yes?"

"Wait." She stopped a step in front of me. "You're dead, right?"

I nodded, smile slightly.

"I've never seen you before this is so cool!" Violet sat down beside me. "My name's Violet."

I held out my hand. "Lily."

We shook.

"I'm glad you're here. Things were getting damned boring around here."

I laughed slightly. "How long ago did you die?"

"About three years, I guess. You?"

I stopped. "That's a good question…" I started to count on my fingers. "Maybe somewhere around quarter of a century?"

Violet's eyes widened slightly. "Wow, that's awhile. How come I never saw you?"

I shrugged. "I keep to myself."

There was a brief silence.

"Hey, are you doing anything tonight?" I asked suddenly.

She laughed. "No."

"Can you help me with something? It's super important."

About a half hour later, we were in the basement moving all the shelves and tables around.

"Do you do this a lot?"

I nodded furiously, putting all my weight against the table and pushing. "The guy's on so much of whatever he's huffing he barely notices until he messes something up."

She giggled, switching jars around.

The door at the top of the stairs opened and I could hear footsteps.

"Ah, Violet!" I grabbed her and pulled her around a corner.

We were very quiet as we heard the doctor began to work at his tables.

"He knows someone does this. Really trips him up." I whispered, glancing around to see him. "It's all in fun though."

"Is this what you do all the time?" Violet asked.

"No…" _I stare at your boyfriend mostly. Then I make everyone in this house bleed. _"It's more fun with someone to do it with."

"Are there people to have fun with here?"

"Yes and no. Actually, do you know the kid in the attic?"

"Beau?"

"Yeah. That kid is the best at-" There was an inhuman hiss and a shot of pain encompassed my ankle.

Violet screamed and jumped back.

"Fuck!" I kicked. "Thaddeus, go away!"

The excuse for a baby disappeared, but Nora was with us just as fast as he had left.

"I'm terribly sorry for him, but don't worry, my husband is very good with the bites." Nora took my hand and pulled me into the light. "Dear, your creation has bit this poor girl."

"I'm actually okay, so we'll just go-"

"No, no, it's very simple, just a few stitches, we'll even put you under if you're frightened."

Violet looked apprehensive.

"You guys don't need to give me stitches, I'm dead."

"Oh, not a problem, he'll do it very fast." Suddenly, the doctor was lifting me onto his table and pulling up my pants leg.

I grit my teeth. "Uhm, Violet, I'll just see you tomorrow alright?"

She looked confused.

I shrugged. "This usually takes him all night. It was nice meeting you, though."

"Nice meeting you, too." She looked forlorn as she headed up the stairs.

"This won't hurt a bit…"

Once the needle poked into me and Violet was out the door, I jumped off the table. "Look, all better?"

The bite was indeed gone.

"I must be very, very good." The doctor nodded.

I felt the anger flare up inside me. I grabbed the scalpel from the table and in a moment both their throats were slashed. I spun around when I heard something behind me.

What were they all doing here? The nurse, the twins, the couple, they were all coming towards me.

I think I blacked out because the next thing I remember, everything around me was covered in blood and Moira was pulling me upstairs.

After I was cleaned off, she made me a cup of tea.

I felt foggy and I plopped my head on the counter. "Can't you give me something stronger?"

Moira laughed slightly. "You died underage, my dear."

"Are you trying to blame me for the time of my own death?"

Moira shook her head. "Of course not. Speaking of that though, if you're trying to-" A creak upstairs made her pause and glance around. She lowered her voice. "If you don't want that boy to see you, you'll have to be severely cautious. He's always watching her."

"Do you think he did?"

"No, not today. If I were you, I'd make a plan." She pushed the cup towards me. "I don't know what it is you're doing, but you might as well do it organized."

I watched as she walked around the kitchen, tidying up. As she reached up to the cupboard, I wondered yet again why she wore such a revealing outfit.

"You keep staining your clothes with all this raucous. I can't get the blood out of any of it."

"Don't worry, I have more down below."

"You know, Violet's father was a therapist. Maybe you should look into that."

"Oh, Moira." I sighed. "I'd never make a good therapist."

"You know what I mean, Lilian."

I finished my tea and headed down under the house. Far away from where Violet's body had long since decayed, I had my own little nook where I slept at night.

It was easier than I had thought. Violet wasn't a very good reader of motives. I didn't know exactly what my goal was, but I knew I was making progress.

I curled up, one of Tate's old t-shirts on me covering just beyond what needed to be covered, and tried to lull myself to sleep.

Nearby was a pile of my drawings. Most of them were of Tate. I fell asleep with my hand clutched on one.

I was going to get back my killer, and no one could stop me.


	3. Chapter 3

**_Author's note_: In case it wasn't picked up on, Lily sees Moira in her young form. And just so everyone knows, in Lily's "room", she has a bunch of Tate's clothes that she has found and kept, mainly because she didn't originally have a lot of her own (those were the clothes she was referring to when Moira expressed concern in the blood stained ones.) I will be soon releasing sketches of Lily because I'm very bad at describing how people look. Enjoy! **

Usually, I fall right to sleep and dream of the happy times before this whole mess.

That didn't happen tonight. I dreamt of blood and murder. I was doing the murdering again, except this time I wasn't some supporting character in the background. I was killing Violet.

Over. And over. And over.

I stabbed her and watched her bleed out.

Then, she'd heal, stand up and start calling for Tate.

I'd suffocate her. I'd throw her down the stairs. I bash her head into the wall until her brain was in bits across the floor. I'd cut every inch of her skin, dismember her, pull her intestines out in my hands…. But, she always got up, smiled, and started to search for Tate.

I got so angry I cut her in half in the bathtub and dragged half of her off of the property, left it in the road. A truck ran it over.

Once I got back inside and started to clean up, Violet was by my side.

I was screaming inside as she talked cheerily to me about how great it would be if I met Tate, Tate was the best, really, I'd love Tate.

I couldn't make her go away. I couldn't kill her, I couldn't escape…

I awoke, drenched in sweat and shaking. I had gripped my pictures too tight in my terror, and most of them were ruined.

I concentrated solely on flattening them out. They would be okay if I put them under something heavy, maybe taped up a few edges.

I quickly grabbed a pair of pants and pulled them on, crawling out into the basement as quickly as possible.

As I headed to the stairs, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My sleek black hair looked a bit windswept from all the tossing and turning. The over-worn t-shirt had a few precariously placed holes. The jeans-Tate's, that he would never miss- ripped at the knees and very loose. I looked a mess but I didn't care. When hiding from Tate, no one was left to impress.

My bear feet headed up the cold basement steps and padded across the kitchen floor. I kept going up, up, up, through the dead silent (no pun intended) house, all the way to the attic.

"Hey, Beau, are you up?"

I heard the chain drag across the floor as I sat down criss-cross.

"No sleep?"

I shrugged. "Yes sleep, some sleep. Bad sleep." I sighed, grabbing the red ball as he tossed it. "No more sleep for me."

"Shaking."

"Yeah, cold I guess." I rolled the ball back.

"Let's play." He smiled and tossed the ball back. It bounced on the floor.

"Beau, we have to be quiet and roll it." I rolled it back.

"Where is… Moira?"

"Moira is…" I thought a moment. "Is she in the office cleaning?"

"No, Ben is in the office. No sleep, work."

"Oh, I see." I paused. "Ben's the therapist?"

He nodded. "Violet's dad."

"Where's Violet? Is she in her room?"

"No, Vivian and her are in one room."

"Vivian's room?"

"Yes." The ball continued back and forth.

"Is Nora with Thadeus?"

Beau laughed. "Nooo. Nora is in the dining room and the doctor is with her."

"Is Hayden out by the gazebo?"

"Yes!"

"Is that everyone?"

"No."

I frowned. "Who else?"

"Where is Lily?"

I smiled. "With Beau."

"And where is Beau?"

I laughed. "With Lily."

He laughed to. "We are in the attic!" He exclaimed.

"Shhh, Beau. We can't play if you are loud."

He yawned. "I sorry, Lily." He looked behind me. "Tate."

I spun quickly, squeaking in fright.

Beau laughed as I turned back around. "Joking."

I grinned. "Has he played with you today?"

"Yes. Everyday."

"Everyday?"

"All the days, he says." Beau nodded triumphantly.

"Well, tomorrow when he plays with you, keep him very distracted, okay?" I stood to go.

"Okay. Sleep time?"

"Yes, be sure to go right to sleep."

"Okay. Night, Lily."

I started towards the ladder. "Beau?"

He looked up from where he lay in his bed. "Yes?"

"When you start to play with him, be sure to make a loud noise so I can hear it way down in the basement. Okay?"

He smiled. "Yes. Silly Lily."

I landed on the next floor. Before I shut the hatch I heard him whisper.

"Lily, you didn't ask where Tate is."

I paused and bit my lip. I thought for a moment. "Uhm… Is he in the basement?"

"No, Violet's room."

I glanced down the hallway. Now the doorway seemed beckoning. "Go to bed, Beau."

I closed the latch quietly.

I stood there for awhile, breathing deeply. Then, I began down the hallway. He couldn't wake, could he? I was too quiet, he was a deep sleeper.

Suddenly, I saw him, lying on the bare floor, fast asleep. It took all of me not to run to him, to grab him, too kiss his beautiful face.

_You're the darkness. _

I restrained myself and quietly sat mere feet from him.

I remembered from when we were alive that he talked in his sleep towards the end.

"Violet…" I was disappointed as he whispered. "Violet, please forgive me… Violet, I'm sorry!" His voice rose, causing me to scoot back a bit. "No, no, no, Violet. Don't tell me to leave. I'm sorry!"

I stood quietly. I wanted to stay, to watch him, gorgeous as he was. But, maybe now wasn't the time. I headed out the door.

"Lily…"

I stopped dead in the door frame. A shiver ran up my spine. Was he awake?

I slowly counted to three, and then spun around.

Still asleep. I let out the breath I had been holding.

"Lily, where are you?" His features contorted in distress. "Lily, where did you go?"

I could've cried.

"Lily, I loved you… Where did you go?"

I felt a tear run down my face. I didn't go back, though. It wasn't time yet.

"Lily, I didn't mean it." He let out a groan of pain. "I just wanted us to…."

I stood still for a long moment. There was no completion. He began to turn over and I dashed out of the room.

I wiped the tears from my face and collected myself with slow, shaky breaths.

"Are you alright?" A male voice questioned.

I looked up quickly. "Yes," I replied instinctively.

"Who are you?" He came closer and I backed up.

"Who are you?"

He laughed slightly. "Ben Harmon."

"Oh, Violet's dad."

"You must be the girl she met today?"

I nodded. "Lilian."

"Oh, nice to meet you." He held out a hand.

I shook it, watching closely to be sure his eyes didn't linger anywhere around my shirt.

"So, _are _you alright?"

I nodded. "I was just… I couldn't sleep so I came up here…I didn't think anyone was awake."

"I couldn't sleep either."

I smiled slightly.

"I don't really understand why we sleep, honestly." He chortled. "Hell, we're dead!"

I cocked my head to the side. "Sleep is a state of restoration. We don't _need _too, but we like to. It helps, sometimes."

He nodded thoughtfully. "So, do you want me to get you something to eat or anything?"

I perked up. "Race you to the kitchen."

As morning light shined in, we were laughing in the kitchen.

"I can't believe this is actually happening right now. What kind of person cooks breakfast with only eggs and caramel?" Ben asked as I started spooning large portions onto the various plates we had laid out.

"A crazy person." I had no vex with Ben Harmon. In fact, he was probably my ally. Neither of us wanted Violet with Tate.

I set down the pan and wiped my hands on my shirt. "I'll be right back, I have to get dressed."

He waved as I headed down the stairs.

I stopped dead at the end of the stairs. It was him, the gay cheater. He grinned slightly.

"Found another man to fool around with?"

I didn't respond.

"What makes him so special? He's a cheater, just like me." He fiddled with the toothpick in his mouth. "Just like you." His smirk was devilish.

I shook my head. "I didn't-"

"Shut it!" He shouted. Suddenly, he had my shirt in his grips. "I want you to tell me why!"

"Why what?" I shouted back, struggling to pull away.

"Why you killed me!" He flung me backwards towards the wall.

I felt my skull crack. I stood back up straight anyways. "I didn't kill you, you know who killed you!"

"Yeah, he killed you, too…" His voice went low. "But I want to know why you keep torturing me."

"I… What?"

"I die and it's like I'm free, for mere seconds. Then I'm back and fine. Then, you do it again."

I turned away from him.

He grabbed me, lifting me off the ground this time. "I get it, you goddamned slut! You're angry, and that's cool, and that's fine, but don't." He slammed my head into the wall again. "Fuck." Again. "With." And again. "Me." And again. "Unless you figure out how to make it permanent." Once last slam and everything went black.

And I understood what he was talking about.


	4. Chapter 4

It wasn't like being free; it was like being somewhere else.

I wasn't in the house, that much I knew. But, I wasn't anywhere else. I wasn't alone, but there was no one with me, either. I was confused and lost.

I also knew that Tate was no where. I felt terrified, and started blinking in the blankness, hoping I'd soon return to the world that he inhabited.

"Lily!" A voice shouted.

I was back in the basement on the cold floor.

"Jesus, are you alright?" Ben asked. Violet was close behind him.

They both helped me up. "Did you fall down the stairs?" Violet asked.

I thought for a moment. "Uh, yeah…. I think I slipped." I glanced up towards the door.

"Did you…?" Violet left the question open.

I stared at her for a moment, not sure what she was implying. Then, I understood suddenly. "Oh, did I die?"

Violet nodded.

"Yes." I blinked away the last of the haze that was confusing me. "That's never happened to me before…"

"Well, be careful next time." Ben patted my back.

Wait. Violet. Basement. Tate wouldn't be far behind.

"So, um, I'll just go change and I'll meet the two of you upstairs?" I nudged them upstairs.

"You sure you're okay?"

I shrugged. "I'm a dead person who died."

The two of them left and shut the door. I relaxed for a minute. It was funny how I could run from Tate and want to be with Tate at the same time.

"See what I mean?" It was the cheater again.

"I don't know what you're sick twisted idea of 'free' is," I growled as I stalked past him.

He followed me. "At least it's out of this house."

I opened the door to the crawl space and climbed in. "Why would you want to leave? Isn't your lover here?" I spat.

He followed me up, which I didn't expect. "No. I can't stand him. Bet you didn't know that."

We walked for awhile in silence.

"Stop following me." I cut him off by blocking the entrance to where I had my things.

"Oh, you're mad? Gonna kill me again?"

"Go fuck yourself."

"Oh, now you're really mad." He got in my face. "You know, we always thought you were just some quiet little victim to that lunatic. Suddenly, you're just as crazy as he is. Turning into your killer, my dear?"

I shoved him away. "You don't know me!"

"I don't?"

I didn't answer.

"I know you and me, we're cheaters, right?"

"I'm not a cheater," I replied instinctively. "How would you even know that?"

He smirked. "Well, the time you took when you killed me that first time. Why would you make it so rough if you weren't just like me?"

I felt the anger boiling inside me lower as I felt scared. He couldn't know it all, right? No one knew it all. Only Moira and Beau, no one else.

"You were trying to kill some part of you that you just can't face." He was close in my face, and I stepped back, hitting the wall and he only stepped closer.

The entrance to my hole was right behind my knees. He couldn't go in, it was a secret, and everyone would know if he went in. "Right," I whispered, a tear leading down my cheek.

"Glad to hear you finally admit it." He stepped back awkwardly.

I started sobbing.

"Oh, hey, come on… You're not meant to…" He hadn't meant to bring me to tears.

I closed my eyes tightly. "Go away."

And he was gone.

I stood up straight, wiped my face, and climbed into my room. Nothing distracts from the situation like a good fake cry.

xxXXxx

I didn't sleep for awhile after that. It became easier to see Violet; Beau was very good at notifying me when Tate was with him and when he was leaving.

She wasn't so bad to be around. Had I not seen her touch Tate the way only I should touch Tate, I might've been her friend. After all these years, I finally had something to do.

"Hey, I have a really dumb idea." Violet glanced at me with her big eyes, handing me a cigarette.

I put it between my lips and she lit it for me. "What is your really dumb idea?"

She didn't answer right away. The two of us sat in front of the house, inhaling and exhaling. It was calming for me, the taste of tobacco in my mouth reminding me of those moments a lifetime ago when Tate and I were close enough to share the same coffin nail. Of course, now that we had died from completely unrelated circumstances, it seemed ironic to call it such a thing. The sensation of nicotine was a practical lullaby, dead or not.

"We could be total nerds and have a slumber party." Violet half smiled but I could tell she was serious.

I thought about it for a long moment. Doing such a thing could be enjoyable, however it involved prolonged exposure to Violet. And that meant a prolonged risk of Tate.

But, I could maneuver something, right? "That sounds cool." I nodded, flicking my smoke to expel the already burnt part. "We should get more stuff, though."

She looked confused. "As in?"

My eyes brightened. "Fuzzy pajamas. Scary movies. Junk food." I laughed. "Ouija board."

She laughed, too. "How are we going to get all that, though?"

"I'll get back to you on that." I heard Beau make a noise from the attic. I put out my cigarette. "Give me a few days, alright?"

She nodded. "Step on it, the tip's still burning." She gestured.

I did so, and quickly headed up the steps. I stopped in the doorway. "What do you think would happen if this place burnt down?"

Her eyes went huger than normal.

"Actually, don't answer that." The door clicked behind me.

Later that night, I talked with Moira.

She leaned on the counter. "I'll bet that would be fun. But, what would you do about your… issue?"

I let out a breath. "I don't know. I'd hate to make Beau stay up all night."

"And if you do sleep, _you_ can't keep an eye out."

I chewed on the edge of my finger nail. "Maybe I'll just tell her no."

There was a brief silence, and then Moira spoke up. "Perhaps she says something."

"About what?"

"Perhaps she says something about him. Perhaps you find out her true feelings about him."

I put my head on the counter. "But is it worth it?"

"Perhaps I come."

I straightened. "And I'll have her mother come and it'll be like that."

She smiled. "And I know someone who could keep watch for us."

And so, the wheels were set in motion. Within a few days, we were all gathered around the television that we had dragged into Vivian's bedroom watching a psychological horror movie.

Afterwards, we were sure to turn the lights back on quickly.

I laughed. "Guys, _we're_ the ghosts. Nothing to be scared of."

A couple movies later and Vivian and Moira had fallen asleep.

Violet and I were whispering back and forth.

"Lily… Can I ask you something?"

I nodded as I snuggled under my blanket on the floor.

"How did you die?" I could tell she was afraid to ask.

"You first." I stated simply.

She took a breath and glanced around. "I killed myself."

I stared at her for a long moment. "How come?"

"I didn't mean to. I felt like I was going crazy. I was hearing voices, seeing things. I just wanted to sleep, really. It was this house… It drove me crazy."

I nodded. "I heard it does that to people."

"You lived here, right?" She asked after a moment.

I shook my head. "I only died here."

"How?"

I hadn't really been prepared for this question. "My boyfriend killed me."

"Really?"

"Yeah. The house was like… empty. And we used to come here for privacy… And one day he just… Snapped my neck."

Violet looked angry. "Asshole."

"What?"

"What kind of douche bag does that?"

I shrugged.

"Well, at least he isn't here to bother you every day."

"I think I'd like that, though."

"To torture him?"

I laughed. "He's not so bad."

There a silence between us.

"Lily, do you know Tate Langdon?"

I nearly froze. I swallowed. "Who?"

"He's here, in the house. He killed a lot of people."

"Oh?" I was nervous. He could hear her, come to her, any moment.

"I dated him. We were in love. I didn't know he was dead. It made me crazy when I found out. That's what drove me to it."

"That's awful." I was forcing responses; my mouth was dry, and my throat was paralyzed.

"He raped my mom. She died having his kid."

"Really?"

She nodded. "I feel like he ruined my entire life. He's an awful person who does awful things. I can never forgive him for that. I'm not with him anymore."

"Good." I replied.

Surprisingly, Tate never showed up as she continued to talk about him, and we fell asleep not long after that.

_I was standing over the sink, scrubbing at my hands. There was blood over everything. It wouldn't come off of my hands. _

_Suddenly, Tate was behind me, head on my shoulder. "Out, damned spot! Out, I say!" He taunted. _

_I glanced at him. "What?"_

_He gripped one of my wrists. "What, will these hands never be clean?"_

_I shook my head, took my hand back and continued to scrub at them. _

"_Here's the smell of blood still. All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand." He brought my hands beside his face, yet never got a speck of blood on himself. _

_I stared at him for a long moment. "Tate, there is no blood on you."_

_Tate shrugged. "Only on the guilty party."_

"_It's not my fault, Tate." _

"_Of course it is." He sat on the counter, turning off the faucet. "You killed those people."_

"_No, Tate. You had the guns. You shot our friends." _

"_Yeah, because of you," he replied simply._

"_You killed _me_, Tate."_

"_You've died?"_

_I nodded._

"_You should've died hereafter, there would've been time for such a word."_

"_You're quoting Macbeth and his wife. Choose one."_

"_Which is innocent?" Tate wore a devilish grin._

"_Neither…" _

"_Exactly." He hopped off the counter. "Look at those bloody hands." He laughed slightly and nudged me backwards. _

_I steadied myself. "Tate, I still love you."_

_Suddenly, he was fierce. He roughly shoved me into the wall, a hand tight on my throat. "You did this to me! You drove me insane! Face it Lily, you're the psychopath here! You expect me to love a mess like you?" He was screaming in my face. _

"_Go away!" I shouted. _

_He started laughing. "You think you can make ME go away?" He threw me onto the ground. "Right." He bent over me. "You're the darkness, Lily. You did all of this. It's you're fault, Lily." He was whispering in my ear. "Lily…Lily…Lily…"_

"Lily!"

I was shaking dreadfully.

"Lily, we gotta go!" Travis whispered urgently. He had been on watch for Tate.

I stood quickly, but was sure to check my hands. Not a speck of blood.

"Come on!" He grabbed my hands and in a moment we were elsewhere.

I quickly made myself visible to no one.

There were footsteps down the hallway as I stood against a wall.

It was Tate. He came along, running his fingers on the opposing wall and whistling to himself.

Under any other circumstance, I would show myself right there. He looked so innocent and calm. I could've spoken to him, any other time. But, not this time. Especially not with the feeling of his hand still lingering on my neck…

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: While Lily is dreaming, there are several quotes from the play Macbeth, Act 5. :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**** This chapter is a bit gruesome, but we all know Tate's a psychopath and hopefully you've figured Lily is one by now. The end of this chapter is switched to Ben Harmon's point of view. If people don't like this, I'm very sorry but it made more sense with the story. It will return to Lily next chapter. **

I didn't leave my excuse of a room for an unhealthily long time. Moira kept bring me cups of tea, but I never drank them. They sat neatly in a line along my wall, some growing bits of mold that floated along the top. Surprisingly, I wasn't bothered. My room was pristine, though it was part of a crawlspace. I kept it perfectly clean at all times. However, the mold growing felt right. Perhaps it was my insanity growing along with it.

I only felt guilty for one thing as I hid in my room. I wasn't playing with Beau. Everyday, he continued to make the noises he was supposed to make so I could go see Violet. It pained me to know that I was just sitting here while he went to all that trouble.

All I did was sketch. I sat there and drew and drew and drew. Most, it was Tate, as usual. I had a neat, huge stack of pictures of him. Memories with him, his eyes, his hair, his face, his hands. I drew him with his guns, tromping through the hallways at school. I drew him being gunned down, one of the saddest moments of my existence. I drew him taking off his mask in the rubber suit. I drew every side of him, as I loved them all.

For some reason, I kept trying to draw my mother. I couldn't remember what she looked like, where she lived, what had happened with her after my death. Had she known he killed me? Had she come to the house? My mind drew a blank, and yet I drew. All I knew what to draw was soft eyes, smooth hands. Not enough for a memory, though.

I drew other things, too. I don't remember drawing them, though. I woke up every morning, and there'd be sketches all around me, my hands black with charcoal. The pages are covered in disgusting images: blood, corpses, severed limbs… I destroy these quickly, but even as I watch them burn I know I can't really chase this away. The dead shouldn't sleep walk, or sleep draw for that matter.

"Tea, Miss Lily." She leaned in and placed it down. I slid it into the line.

"Thank you Moira." I continued to sketch.

"What are you drawing?" She came in and sat down.

"Beauregard."

"It looks fantastic." She glanced over the few of Tate that were on the ground around me. She lifted one.

"I think Beau is beautiful. His mother is a terrible person for killing him." I shook my head.

"Any different from someone killing his beautiful girlfriend?" She gestured to the picture of Tate in a black trench coat, gun in hand.

"Shut up," I nearly growled. "That woman had amazing children, and she wasted every one of them."

"How do you feel about Tate's child?"

My hand tightened on the pencil. "It's not his."

"He's the father." She seemed surprised at my reaction.

"He was doing it for Nora, Nora was his good mother. And he used Violet's mother, and then his mother took it. Tate is not a part of that child. It's a mother's child."

"I think it bothers you."

I laughed slightly and started to sketch Tate alongside Beau. "It was an emotionless act. I love everything he does."

"Aside from Violet."

I nodded. "Everything."

She nodded. "So, Vivian doesn't-"

"Go away Moira." And she was gone.

I kept drawing. I heard Beau's banging, and I knew that Tate was with him once again. I was drawing the two of them playing, as I was sure they were up in the attic.

It wasn't surprising when a tear drop fell onto the page. I tried to wipe it away but it created an awful smudge. I could be playing with them but, no. I wasn't enough for Tate, he wanted Violet now. I ruined my chance by hiding from him. He never even looked for me.

I wiped my eyes. It was a scary world without Tate. I never knew what to do without him. There were so many secrets, so much to hide. So, I hide. 20 years, and I did was hide.

I was going crazy. If I ever doubted it before, I knew it now: I was the darkness.

I stared at the neat line of cups.

Crazy, crazy, crazy.

I knocked the cups over in one swift movement. None of them cracked.

I slowly collected my pictures again. Tate all in one large pile neatly. Everything else in a second much smaller one.

I stacked the cups slowly, and left my room with them.

I went to the main hall determinedly and began to place them all down as a base. I then went quickly to the china cabinet, which the realtor kept there and filled for appearances sake. I took out as many glasses as I could carry and continued to build a tower. When I ran out of those glasses, I began to search through every cabinet, the back of every shelf until I had a tower of cups much taller than me. I kept laughing to myself as I made it higher.

I ran out eventually. I continued to dig through the kitchen cabinets. "One more, one more…"

It was almost perfect. Below the sink, far in the back was one single red cup. I pulled it out. SOLO was inscribed into it on the bottom. It was almost fitting.

It reminded me of that very first day: Cameron pouring everyone's drinks, Missy teasing me, Tony lugging me out to Tate. I climbed up on a chair and reached as high as I could, placing it on the very top. Fitting.

I could hear their voices in my head as I stared at it. Laughing together, talking to me. We weren't big partiers or anything, but all I could think of as each of them, the SOLO beacon in hand.

I could hear them as if they were all in the next room, calling to me.

_Lily. Lily. Lily._

Crazy. Crazy. Crazy.

"What are you doing?" Violet's voice broke in and expelled theirs.

I rubbed my eyes. My eyes had been burning, as I had nearly cried. "Making a tower of cups," I replied simply. I began to drag the chair back into the den where it came from. She stared at my monument until I returned.

"Where have you been?"

I shrugged. "Hiding."

"From me?"

I shook my head.

"From who then?"

"Myself." I paused. "It hasn't been going well."

"Want to go out for a smoke?"

"Let's go up."

"To the roof?"

I nodded. "Leave this here. I want to leave it up for as long as I can."

Soon we were lying on the roof, a cloud of smoke floating away above us.

"Did you love him?" Violet asked out of nowhere.

"Love who?"

"The guy who killed you."

I froze. If I answered yes, she might be led to believe I forgave the man, and she might forgive him herself and that would be no good.

"I thought I did. But, then everything went to shit." I sat up and walked to the edge of the roof. It was a beautiful silence up here. The night air was brisk and I could look out and see all the lights of the city.

"How do you feel about him now then?"

I thought for a moment and took a deep breath. My mind fell on Cameron. "He didn't go away for his crime. He's probably out there somewhere with some other woman, dreaming of a family." I glanced at Constance's house. "The person who claims to love you should never hurt you. They should never lie or cheat or destroy you." I looked back at Violet. "Never."

She stood and began to walk towards me.

Suddenly, she slipped on a shingle and started to fall off the edge of the roof. Before I could even process what was happening, I grabbed her hand and fell onto my stomach, holding her from falling the hundred or so feet to the ground.

"Jesus Christ!" Her eyes connected with mine. She was frightened. I nearly laughed.

"Violet, you're already dead."

"I don't want to again though!"

I feel a drop in my stomach. Tate knew Violet was in danger, he was coming.

"You'll be fine in a few minutes, Violet, I can't hold you anymore." My voice was calm.

She closed her eyes and let go of my hand.

I turned away quickly and made myself invisible. After a few minutes, I got myself to the den.

I glanced out the window. Violet was probably up and okay by now.

Tate was with her, pulling her into his arms.

My heart stopped.

"Tate, get off me!"

"Violet, I just wanna make sure you're alright!"

"I'm fine, get off me!" She tried to pull away.

"Violet, please…" His voice cracked.

I closed my eyes, turning away.

"_Lily." _

It was Cameron's voice.

"_Lily, why are you with Tate?"_

"_Haven't you been listening?" I had responded. _

"_No. I heard Tate and shut you out."_

_I laughed. _

Maybe he hadn't been joking.

"_I don't know… Tate just feels… Right, you know?"_

I started to cry and glanced back out the window. Violet finally succeeded in pulling away from Tate and as the door opened I heard him yell to her.

"Violet! I love you more than anything!"

I fell onto the floor, sobbing. It was never going to be me, was it?

"Go away, Tate!"

I felt that his presence was far gone, so I made myself visible again. I didn't even care if Violet saw me here.

"Lily?" She was by my side quickly. "Lily, what's wrong?"

I tried to calm myself down. I wiped my face. "Nothing, are you okay?"

She wasn't buying it as I continued to cry. "Of course I'm fine. Look, I know you didn't mean for me to fall."

I nodded.

She wrapped her arms around me.

I cried for awhile.

Moira showed up eventually. "Miss Lily, what's the matter?"

The two of them sat beside me.

I collected myself enough to stand. "I'm going to go shower…" I headed towards the upstairs bathroom, still sniffling like a child.

As I passed Tate's room, I suppose now Violet's room though a few had been in and out since her, I glanced at one of the floor boards. I had watched Violet long enough during her time with Tate to know there were nice, sharp razors under there.

I walked over slowly, unsure as to whether or not Tate would be in here. I made myself invisible just in case.

I lifted the floor board and took one razor, then continued to the bathroom, taking the sole white towel that hung on the rack.

The shower was warm, and it lulled away my tears. I still held the razor though.

"_I just think that you think Tate's the one, but he just thinks you're one."_

"_Cameron! Why would you say that to her?" _

I hit myself in the head. Why these fucking memories? Why Now? My friends voices swam in my head.

"_Lil, don't listen to them. You do whatever the hell you want, okay? If you're happy with Tate, you stay with fucking Tate," Tony stated definitely. "Cameron's just hung up on you is all."_

_We all laughed._

Maybe he hadn't been joking.

I took the razor and quickly slashed it across my stomach. Not deep enough. I did it again. And again. It cut deep within me, yet here I stood, dead as ever. I slashed thighs so deep I saw bone and felt it scratch against them. By then, my stomach was healed, so I started in on that again. I stepped out of the shower, dripping blood everywhere as I wrapped the towel around myself. Pouring out blood.

I cut so deep into everything my organs showed. But, in a few moments, I was fine. I wasn't going anywhere, I was stuck right here.

I stared at myself in the mirror and started slicing my throat open.

"Stuck right here, Lil. And Tate loves Violet."

Crazy, crazy, crazy.

I could see my air way. I didn't want to keep standing here, keep being fine.

I slid the razor straight into it so it held itself in and blocked my breathing. I couldn't breathe, and nothing healed.

I felt myself dying. It wasn't fast like when Tate snapped my neck. It wasn't easy like when the cheater bashed my skull in.

It was slow. I could almost feel the blood oozing out of me. I felt myself fall to the floor, the towel unraveling.

Good thing I had locked the door, because I was dying naked.

_**BEN HARMON POINT OF VIEW**_

"Dr. Harmon!" I heard Moira screaming from down the hall. "Dr. Harmon!" She appeared in my office doorway. "Ben! Help!"

I stood quickly. "What's wrong?"

"Lilian!" And she dashed away.

I took off in a run after her.

She stopped in front of the bathroom door. Blood was spilling out from under it. "She's locked the door, I can't get in!"

I put my hand on the knob and twisted it. It was jammed.

"Lily, I'm coming inside, okay?" I called. She didn't answer.

I took a step back and kicked the door in.

The girl's limp body lay on the ground, blood pooling under her. There were deep gashes on her legs and thighs and a huge laceration cutting into her stomach. Her throat was slit deeper than I'd ever thought possible.

Moira screamed.

I ran in beside the girl and dropped to my knees. Her black hair was matted with blood and her eyes were closed. There was no pulse, no breath.

"Why hasn't she come back yet?" I demanded, glancing at Moira.

She was frantic. "I. I. I don't know!" She covered her mouth with her hand.

"Shut the door, Moira, I don't want Violet to see this. And turn off the shower."

She did as she was told.

Suddenly, Lily's eyes opened and her mouth moved as if she was gasping for air.

"Lilian, what's wrong?" I took her head in one of my hands. "Lily!"

Moira started to cry. "She's been up here for hours…"

"Lily, who did this?" I asked. I kept sweeping my eyes over her wounds. What was preventing her from coming back?

Lily's mouth moved.

"Was it someone here?" My mind went to the first place such an act would lead it. "Was it Tate?"

Lily's eyes became panicked. She shook her head as fiercely as she could.

Blood began to drip profusely out of the corner of her mouth and her eyes rolled back in her head before shutting and she was gone again.

"He did this, go get him," I growled.

Moira didn't move. "No, sir, Miss Lily did this to herself…"

I felt my gut clench. "I don't know what she did. Like, this is beyond any self harming I've ever seen."

Moira sort of choked out a laugh. "Lily's very disturbed."

I thought for a long moment. I ran my fingers over every wound. There must be something stopping her from healing, something she jammed somewhere.

As I ran my finger in the deep gash in her neck, something sharp nicked my finger.

"There's something sharp in her airway." I took a breath and reached as far in as I could. I had my fingers on whatever it was when her eyes re-opened. "Dammit!" I pulled away out of surprise. Everything was bleeding again and I wasn't sure if I could handle ripping something out of her while she could feel it.

I took a deep breath. _Save her like you should've saved Violet. _

I plunged my fingers into her throat and gripped tightly, pulling it out as quickly as I could. Unfortunately, it was very stuck and it took an achingly long time.

Once I got it out, her eyes closed once more and her body relaxed. I grabbed the towel underneath her and wrapped her, lifting her into my arms. I was surprised by how small she was. Beside Violet, she looked pretty average sized. In my arms, she was very small.

"Moira, I'll send Vivian to help you…. I don't want Violet to see all this blood." I carried the girl out of the bathroom, gripping the razor in my fist.

Moira grabbed my arm on the way out of the door. "Dr. Harmon, help her however you can, but you have to promise me one thing."

I turned to her. "Yes?"

"That boy can't see her."

I was confused. "You mean Tate?"

"Yes. He can't see her, can't hear about her, and can't know about her." Moira stood tall. "If he does, you might as well just put that razor back in her throat."

**A/N: **** I'm thinking of, based on reviews and messages I've been getting, putting a poll on my profile of Lily or Violet. Not sure if I will or not yet, but I'll let you know. :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Author'sNote: So, this is the longest chapter so far. I meant to break it into two, but I thought what the hay. There is a lot of different stuff in this chapter, so be sure to review! Poll is up :) just cuz I love you lovely people shouting Violet and Lily at me :). This is The best fan fiction experience I have EVER had. I love you all. **

**And, this time I actually mean it, I'm going to release sketches of Lily, and probably Cameron, Missy, and Tony. **

**I'll stop talking now so you can read, I'm sorry. :)**

I was in the nowhere place for a long time. I just sat down and was there, even though I knew I wasn't really there. I knew I was actually at the house, maybe rotting by now. There was no time in the nowhere place.

There was pain, though. And memories. After awhile, my mind started creating things.

Cameron sat in front of me, but I knew he wasn't really there. Missy stood off in the distance, anger in her eyes. She glowered at me, but I didn't flinch. She wasn't real. Nothing was real here.

Cameron spoke to me, but I couldn't understand him. He was mumbling and echoing and whispering and I didn't know what he was saying.

Tony came up behind me and tried to lift me. I didn't let him, I knew his touch was imagined.

_Tate's coming. _All their voices echoed repeatedly.

It wasn't real though. I would know the real Tate, I would feel his approach.

No one appeared though. I stared at them all, confused. "Where?"

_Where, where, where._

I saw a woman. Her outline was smudged, she was one of my drawings come alive, walking about. Soft eyes, smooth hands.

Mother.

I was confused as I stared at her, I couldn't actually see her, no feature was definite. The only thing that didn't keep changing about her was that she was carrying a large piece of shattered glass.

_Tate's here._

"Tate's not here." I stood.

My mother smiled and beckoned me closer.

Nothing is real, don't be afraid. I knew that. I also knew, though, that beyond this place was somewhere else, somewhere definite.

I stepped up to my mother and she flipped the glass it was a mirror.

I stared at my reflection.

_Tate's here. Tate's here. Tate's here. _

I shook my head. "No."

My mother nodded and pointed at my reflection. _Tate's here._

Nothing is real, do not be afraid.

But, I was afraid. I began to cry.

I saw a flash of Tate in my reflection, and I covered my eyes. I pulled away instantly when I saw that my hands were dripping with blood again.

I backed up and tripped on something. When I fell on my ass, I found Tate's gun at my feet.

_Tate's here. Tate's here. _

"Stop it!" I screamed.

I grabbed the gun off the ground, pointed it at my mother and shot. The glass fell to the ground, and just before it shattered, I saw Tate, gun in hand, grinning at me.

I stood, clicking the gun so the bullet shell fell out.

_Tate's here, Tate's here, Tate's here. _

I shot Missy, then Tony.

Cameron was left, staring at me. My best friend.

"Traitor." And I shot him dead.

I left the nowhere place quite suddenly after he hit the floor.

My eyes were shut, but I heard voices.

"You're keeping these damned things around?" Ben Harmon's voice hissed.

"Dad, are you really surprised? I commit fucking suicide and you're shocked I had razors under my floorboards?" Violet whispered angrily.

"Well, this is the end of all that! We're getting rid of all this suicidal shit. I don't care if I have to put the whole house under psychiatric watch-"

"He has them, too." Violet cut him off harshly.

There was a long silence. I could feel something around my wrists and ankles. Restraints?

"I will talk to Tate separately, then. We can't have three suicidal-"

"Homicidal," Violet added quietly.

"Three _mentally unstable_ teenagers running around here, it's stressful enough without worrying which kids going to wind up hanging themselves next."

"Dad, we're fucking dead! What does it matter?" Violet snapped. "Why do you have to tie her up like that?"

"She's a danger to herself."

"Moira _told _you she'd never hurt me or you or mom or the baby. Don't pretend like you're actually worried about her!"

"I am worried about her! You can't even fathom what that poor girl did to herself, why do you think I haven't let you in here till now?"

I almost laughed. Poor baby Violet couldn't handle big kid suicide.

In a moment, I felt small fingers toying with the bonds on my wrists. My hands were freed quickly.

"It was only because she was thrashing a lot, and the wounds weren't healed… We can take them off now that she's stilled and patched up."

I opened my eyes when I felt Ben's hands on my ankles.

"She's awake!" Violet's eyes lit up and she wrapped her arms around me. It was weird, I hadn't really thought about it earlier when she hugged me, but now when she did, it was sort of… a good feeling.

But, you know what they say. Keep your friends close.

Keep your enemies closer.

"What the hell happened?" I sat up slowly. My voice was hoarse. Shit, I must've done a number on myself to still be healing.

"You don't remember?"

There was a silence. Ben glanced at Violet. "Violet, could you give us a few minutes?"

I rubbed my eyes as Violet left and I situated myself on the couch.

Ben sat across from me, folding his hands under his chin.

"How long was I out?"

Ben glanced at me. There was an understood 'I was just shitting you' moment. He sighed. "I found you about nine hours ago… Moira said you'd been in there for four."

"Thirteen." I nodded. "Lucky number."

He looked at me. "Do you find this funny?"

"Who said that?"

Neither of us spoke.

"Are we going to do this psychoanalysis bullshit?"

His eyes connected with mine. "You literally just destroyed yourself."

"I didn't do it for attention."

"Then, why did you do it?"

"To get the fuck out of here. This place sucks."

"How do you feel being back then?"

"Eh. It was a nice break." I smirked. "Glad to be back to play with Violet. I was hoping we'd do makeovers tonight."

He didn't respond.

I laughed. I always thought Tate seemed to be having fun with this guy when he went to therapy. "Does that scare you?"

"Should it?"

"No, of course not. I like when people play with my hair. It reminds me of the mother I'm not entirely sure I had." I folded my hands neatly. I didn't mean it until it came out. "I think I have mommy issues. Do you know a good therapist?"

He eyed me. It was a bad idea to quote Tate, I was sure, but he didn't seem to notice.

"I was just telling Violet that I'm going to have you both give me anything you've ever used in the past to cut yourselves."

I nodded. "I don't have anything."

"You've never done that before?"

I shook my head. "Never." I began to stand. "I think it might've just been like a screwy chemical imbalance. And of course, the parenting… With my mom and all." I added on so it wouldn't be the most obvious thing in the world. But, honestly, I might as well be screaming about him now.

I stopped in the doorway on my way out. I glanced over my shoulder at him. "Thanks though. I'm, uhm… Glad to be back."

I stepped out into the hallway and headed towards the stairs. "Hey, Violet, I-"

She spun around quickly from where she stood at the top of the stairs. "Shush!" She put a finger to her lips.

I did as she said and walked over to the edge of the stairs.

Tate was at the bottom, slowly dismantling my glass tower.

"That's Tate," she breathed. "That's the guy I told you about."

I was silent as I watched him work.

We stood there for awhile until he was almost done. He brought all the teacups to the sink and all that was left on the ground was the lone red cup.

"Why is he doing that?" I asked Violet.

"I don't know… Maybe he's bored, too."

Tate returned and bent down to pick up the last cup. He held it for a long moment staring at it. Maybe he heard the voices.

"Violet, can we do each others hair tonight?" I asked softly.

"Yeah, of course." Her big brown eyes were surprised.

I heard a step on the stairs. Tate was coming up. I disappeared quickly. Violet followed suit.

Tate walked right in between the two of us.

I covered my mouth to avoid making a sound. _Tate's here, Tate's here._

Once he was gone, we both came back. After a moment, I heard a loud bang from the attic.

Violet looked at me. "So, that's him."

"Good thing you told him to go away." I started walking towards Violet's room. "That kid looks like a fucking tool."

xxXXxx

Later that night, I was quietly huddled in my room. I didn't draw any pictures, and I feel to sleep quickly.

I wish I hadn't.

"_Hey, have you guys seen Tate?" _

_Missy glanced at me from behind her locker door wher she had been fixing her dirty blonde hair in the mirror. "No, isn't he usually early, too?"_

_I nodded. _

_Cameron and Tony were having a play punching match. _

"_Maybe he's sick." Tony nailed Cameron in the arm._

"_Maybe…" Something didn't feel right, though. I glanced around the halls; everyone was fairly packed in the one area. No sign of Tate though._

"_So, Lily, I was wondering if you'd want to-"Cameron began. _

_Tony hit him for real that time, cutting him off. "Shut up, man!" He growled._

_Cameron fell silent and the two separated. _

"_So, are you and Tate going to the dance next Friday?" Missy questioned._

_I shrugged, leaning on the lockers. "I think we have other plans."_

"_Ooh, plans?" Suggestion dripped out of Missy's mouth. _

"_Tate and Lilian, sitting in a tree, F-U-C-K-I-"_

_Tony never finished his taunt, as a loud bang rang through the hallways, followed by two more. _

_There was screaming and suddenly people were running in all sorts of directions_

"_He's got a gun!" Was all the information I think anyone really absorbed. _

_I froze. I didn't think, I didn't breathe. _

"_Lily, we gotta go!" Tony shouted and grabbed my hand, dragging me as the four of us ran off. _

_We ran away from everyone else, which seemed sensible at the time. We ran to a far back classroom that was completely empty, but locked. _

_Tony was trying to jimmy the lock. Sure, lock ourselves in a classroom, seems smart. The goal was the windows though. The windows that would mean sweet safety._

_There were a few more gunshots. _

_Tony finally got the lock when there were footsteps at the end of the hallway. Tony opened the door quickly and shoved me and Missy in first before glancing down the hallway._

"_Holy shit…" He muttered. Cameron dragged him into the room and quickly locked the door. _

"_Get to the back wall," Tony demanded of me and Missy. "Just like a lock down drill. I'll get the windows."_

_Cameron was pacing. "Tell them who it fucking is!" He shouted._

"_Cam, just go get the windows," Tony stated angrily. _

_Me and missy moved quickly to the windows anyway. "Fuck, they're locked, too!" Thick glass windows of the school, locked. Maybe we weren't mean to get out. _

_Had he seen us go in? How fast would it take for him to get here? _

"_Tell her who it fucking is!" Cameron screamed and grabbed Tony so he couldn't move. Missy and I stopped._

_There was a silence. _

_Tony looked at me for a long moment. Then, he grabbed a lab chair and threw it at the window. It cracked only slightly. He tried again and still the window didn't shatter. _

_He collapsed on the floor and put his head in his hands. Cameron picked up and chair, anger stirring deep within himself. He continuously banged the window until finally it started to shatter. _

"_Who was it, Anthony?" I don't think I heard Missy sound frightened ever other than in that moment._

"_Lily… I'm sorry…" Tony whispered, looking up through tears._

"_Why?" _

_Cameron punched the window, trying to make an opening large enough for any of us to go through. "It's fucking Langdon."_

_I looked up quickly. "What? Tate wouldn't-"_

_There was a loud gunshot and the window on the classroom door shattered. A hand reached in and turned the knob. _

_Cameron ran over and pushed all of us into the corner. We sat in the corner and all held hands._

_I didn't want to look up. All I saw were black boot and the tails of a trench coat. So what if they looked like Tate's boots? Why would Tate wear boots that I bought him to shoot up a school, right?_

_We were huddled together like animals and the boots just came closer. Tony moved, straightened. _

"_Tate, c'mon, we're your friends." His voice cracked, almost pleading. _

_There was a pause. "I know, man." It was Tate's voice. I looked up at him, but his eyes were focused on Tony. "Let me help you up." H held out a hand. _

_The eyes that were staring at Tony weren't Tate's eyes. They were angry eyes, hungry eyes. They were a murderer's eyes. _

"_Tony, don't do it…" Missy breathed._

_Tony let go of her hand and grabbed Tate's, steadying himself on two feet. He stood strongly, his Superman t-shirt seeming almost ironic. _

_There was a gunshot, and Tony's blood splattered all of us, but Tate pushed him away from us._

_Missy screamed and started crying. Cameron leaned away and threw up. _

"_What's wrong, Missy?" Tate smiled and pointed his gun at her. "Get up." _

_Missy stood slowly, sobbing. "Tate, I'm you're friend, Tony's your friend!"_

_Tate's mouth twitched and he pulled the trigger._

_There was more blood on me and Cameron._

_ Tate paused and leaned down as he began to drag Missy and Tony across the classroom. _

_I hadn't taken my eyes off of Tate once. He never looked at me, but I focused on him. _

_Cameron moved and put his arms around me, angling so that he was shielding me. _

_Tate came back after a moment, standing a few feet away from us. _

_Cameron stared him down, holding me. "Tate, you don't wanna do this to her. C'mon, you know you don't."_

_Tate finally looked at me, his eyes connecting with mine. He clicked the gun and pointed it at Cameron. "Stand up and die like a man, Cameron. It's what your mother would've wanted." He looked back at him. _

"_Tate, I'm not doing shit if I know you're going to hurt her."_

_Cameron squeezed my hand and started to get up slowly, hands up. "Seriously Tate, let's just talk."_

"_I don't have to listen to you!" Tate screamed. _

_Cameron lunged at him, and in a moment, my best friend was on the ground, blood pooling underneath him. He gave me one last look and he was gone. _

_I wasn't afraid. I stared at Tate. Go ahead and shoot me. _

_Tate merely dragged Cameron's body away and then returned, staring at me. I didn't waiver as I stared back, nor did I speak._

_Violently, he reached out and grabbed me, pulling me to my feet. I screamed internally, but not loud enough for a reaction. _

_He dragged me to the middle of my room. I tried not to look but in the corner of my eyes I could see all of my friends, lined up neatly. _

_He stared at me for a long moment, then went over to the lab sink and turned on the water. He grabbed a paper towel and wet it, then returned in front of me and started wiping the blood off of my face. He continued this, going back and forth for awhile until, I presumed, I was clean. Neither of us said anything or made a sound, other then when he quickly said "Ah" and opened his mouth so I would do the same and he could wipe my lips. He went into the cabinets and found a small cup, filled it with water and brought it back to me. He tipped it into my mouth and I swished it around and spit back into the cup. The taste of blood was out of my mouth and the cup was filled with red. _

_Tate went and dumped out the cup. One sound for each of us: a soft squealish scream, and an "Ah". _

_He returned and I started to hear sirens outside. They were the last three that day._

_Without a word, he dropped the gun, pulled me in and kissed me softly. _

_I kissed him back, let him hold me tightly, let his tongue probe mine, and just like that, the day hadn't happened. Everything was fine. _

_He took my hand and we left back through the door. He went one way, out of the school, and I went another, not sure to where. _

_My friends were dead. But, clean of their blood, I had run after my psychopath._

I awoke suddenly, my head aching, my hands grasping for hands that weren't there. Why this dream, why, why, why?

I got dressed slowly and headed up into the house.

That's when I heard it.

"Lily." Cameron's voice. Only, this time, it wasn't in my head. He actually stood outside the window, as he did every Halloween.

I turned away quickly.

"Who's that?" Violet questioned, appearing from nowhere.

"No one. Just ignore him."

I continued on my business, going over to stare into the fridge.

"Wait, is that the guy who killed you?" Violet's voice was fierce. "I'll go kick his head off!"

I laughed slightly, shutting the fridge. "No. He's my best friend."

"Why are you ignoring him?"

I paused for a moment and went over, both of us staring out the window. "He loved me. So he kissed me. And then my boyfriend killed me."

"Killed him too?"

I didn't know how to respond. "Hey, do you wanna go out today?"

Violet's eyes lit up and she nodded.

"Wait here a minute, alright?"

I left the door and walked out to the sidewalk where he stood.

"Look who finally came out! What's it been, twenty years?"

"Twenty three, but who's counting?" I smiled slightly. Here he was, red curly hair pulled into a ponytail, as usual. Slight stubble. Several inches taller than me. A friendly face was nice. "Where's everybody else?"

"Well, Tony refuses to come here. And we haven't seen Missy in ages."

I shrugged. "We going out?"

"Are you kidding? Of course we are, if you'll come."

"Well, I have a friend I want to bring."

Cameron stepped back. "You aren't bring _him._"

"No, this girl here. But, here's the thing." I leaned up to whisper in his ear. "She used to date him and she doesn't know I know him. And she can't know."

Cameron looked suspicious, but he nodded. "You can tell me more later."

I cupped my hands around my mouth. "Violet!"

She came out in a bound.

"Cameron, this is Violet. Violet, Cameron."

They shook, and we headed off.

"So, where's Tony?"

"The school."

I stopped. "No. I'm not going to the school."

Cameron eyed me for a long moment. "Why?"

"You know why."

Violet looked confused. "What school?"

"Westfield." Cameron replied. "Lily's afraid of ghosts." He stuck out his tongue. "Don't worry, I'll get him, you don't even have to come on the property."

We kept walking and soon enough we were near the school. Cameron kept on and me and Violet sat down, plenty far away.

"You went to school here?" Violet asked.

"Everybody went to school here." I shrugged. "It's rough to come back."

"Why?"

"I was gonna be valedictorian." I nodded earnestly. I glanced up towards the building. Luckily, actual school was in session so I wouldn't be bothered by any of Tate's victims.

Cameron was headed back, Tony by his side. Tony ran right for me and lifted me up. "Lily!"

I started laughing. "Tony, put me down, Tony, seriously, Tony! I'm wearing a skirt!"

He finally put me down and planted a kiss on my cheek. "God, it's so good to see you Lily! I was worried about you after I heard." He pulled me in close. "God, I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you…"

I pulled away finally, laughing. "Tony, this is Violet."

Tony held out a hand. "I've heard lots about you, just kidding I heard a summary on the way over."

"Very smooth," Violet replied, shaking his hand.

"So, Missy…?" I left the question open.

"She booked her ass out of here a long," he emphasized the long, "time ago."

We started to walk away from the school.

"That's good I guess. Moving on and all." I nodded, biting my lip.

"So, how did you guys die?" Violet asked. "Sorry, I'm sort of morbid…"

"Drunk driving accident." I was surprised how they both lied in perfect unison.

"And how did you die, miss?" Tony asked.

"Suicide."

Tony scrunched his face. "Rough."

There was a silence as we continued towards downtown L.A.

"Lil, how about you?"

I looked away. "You know. He killed me."

"Well, duh. But I mean how." Tony had big blue eyes, big enough to stand beside Violet's. "We never heard the dirty details."

Cameron put an arm over my shoulders. "Leave her alone, Tony."

"He snapped my neck." I stated.

"Holy shit. What a psychopath." Tony stated. "I mean, I thought you of all people would be-"

Cameron elbowed him in the gut. "Can we just have a fun day? We only get once a year."

And so we did. We went sight seeing like lame tourists, Violet went to the Apple store and demanded service on her very outdated iPod, she and I went to get new clothes while the boys watched us try them on, snuck into three movies, had some decent food from the outside, and by the late night, we had been to several clubs.

We were stumbling home, not extremely drunk but fairly drunk.

Tony gave Cameron a look and Cameron took my arm and had me stay back. "Tony wants to talk to Violet alone."

I pumped a fist. "Yes, and then she'll get over Tate!" I was a slight bit unsteady.

Cameron put his hands on my sides to steady me. "Yeah, but when will you?" He pressed his lips to mine.

It was like the lake house all over again. Tate was the one I wanted, Tate, Tate, Tate.

I shoved Cameron off. "Goddammit, Cameron!"

"What? You're still hung up on him, or what?" He shouted.

"You know, you might still be alive if you hadn't fucking done that in the first place!" I screamed.

Cameron looked taken aback.

"I'm sorry and all, but he's the fucking one for me! He's it, I'm the fucking darkness, and I made him do it and all that crap! I hear your fucking voices in my head everyday, and I'm sorry, but I can't change anything, I can't!"

Cameron came towards me again and I pushed him away. "Go away, Cameron!"

It didn't work like it worked in the house so I took off in a run. In a few moments, I stumbled upon Tony and Violet, kissing.

Violet pulled away. "Lily, what's wrong?"

I was hysterical, though, and I ran to Tony and hugged him, burying my face in his chest. "I'm sorry you died," I cried. "I'm so sorry."

Tony wrapped his arms around me and said to Violet. "Can you just do me a quick favor and go find Cameron, babe?"

Violet's footsteps faded and I kept crying.

"It's all my fault, Tony. I made him do it, it's all my fault!"

Tony tilted my head up. "You told him to shoot of the school?"

"No, but I knew he would!"

"You knew he was going to?"

"No, not really…" I pulled away. "But, I knew he had the guns and he was angry and I just had this feeling, and he killed all of you but me and it's because I'm a cheater and I cheated and he was crazy and I liked it!" I kept crying.

Tony pulled me in again. "Listen, do you remember what I said to you when Cameron tried to tell you not to be with Tate?"

I shook my head.

"If you want to be with Tate, be with Tate." He stated. He ran his fingers through my hair. "Cameron made the mistake. I told him at least a million times that if he made a move at you it was going to get all of us in trouble."

I started to wipe my face.

"Lily, why doesn't Tate know you're in that house?"

"I've been hiding."

"And now he's dated that girl?"

I nodded.

"Was hiding such a good idea?"

I didn't respond.

"Lily, you have a lot more in common with Tate than you'd think. I mean, it's nice for once to be able to pretend like it's the old days and go out and have fun, but honestly, you're the one who went to that house. There's a reason you're there."

I furrowed my brows. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying if you think you're the darkness, then embrace it. You've wasted all this time on this lying shit. You left the school for a reason that day. You went after him. Be with him, then. No one will blame you for it. Or, anyone that does isn't important."

"What if-?"

"None of that. What happens, happens. You're dead, Lily. There's no where to go but up."

I heard sets of footsteps return behind us, and I wiped my eyes again.

I turned around.

"Switch girls?" Tony teased.

Cameron laughed slightly, wiping at red eyes.

I went over to Cameron, and Violet to Tony.

"Lily, I-"

I put a finger on his lips. "I'm sorry Cameron. I didn't mean what I said. I love you, but as my best friend. And I want to see you again, hopefully every year. You can't keep kissing me though. I can't handle it. You _know _where my heart is."

Cameron looked dissatisfied, but after staring at me for a long moment, he shrugged and nodded. "It's hard to let go."

"It's hard to let go." I reiterated.

"It's hard to let go." Tony stated.

"It's hard to let go," Violet said softly.

"Oh, wait." Cameron held up a finger and started digging around in his messenger bag. He pulled out four red SOLO cups.

But, as he passed them out and poured some of whatever liquor he had been carting around into them, I didn't hear any voices.

We held our glasses high and pushed them together.

"It's hard to let go."


	7. Chapter 7

**AUTHOR's NOTE: **

_**I know! I'm so sorry! I got very caught up in exams and the internet and solar flares and Portal 2... Here it is though, I'm trying to upload two in one day... *crosses fingers***  
><em>

When we returned to the house, Vivien and Ben were returning at the same time, hands full of groceries and the baby, which was wailing away. Violet smiled as Vivien gave her a half armed hug and Ben kissed her on the forehead. We all headed to the front door, but I glanced over at Constance's house. A light was left on.

I put my bags from shopping inside the front hallway and glanced at Violet. "I actually have one more errand to run."

She nodded and shut the door behind me as I left.

I didn't falter. I could check for Tate, and if he was I just wouldn't go in. If I at all found Constance to be untrustworthy, I could threaten her. If she was afraid of Tate, she would be afraid of me. I could easily turn the tables on her.

I glanced through the windows. No Tate, just Constance and some blonde woman.

I took a deep breath and rapped my knuckles on her door.

"Tate? Is that you?" Constance called from the other side of the door.

I was at a loss for a response.

After a moment, the door swung open. Constance's eyes widened. "What a surprise!" She exclaimed happily. "Come in, come in!" She took my wrist and pulled me into the house.

"Remember me?" I grinned sheepishly.

Constance put a hand over her heart. "Remember you? How could I forget?" She shook her head. "They pulled your body out before his, you know. Distracted me with an identification so I wouldn't see my boy."

I remembered it well, now that she mentioned it. Funny how things can just come back after twenty three years.

"_We have two deceased, repeat two dead," the SWAT chief spoke into his walkie, followed by a tone to correspond with his button clicking. _

"_Two?" A confused voice crackle back through the speaker. _

"_Yes, two. A girl was found jammed under the bed, neck snapped. Young, around his age. Black hair, blue eyes, slim…" The chief paused. " We're going to ask the mother about her, we suspect she is personally linked to the shooter." _

"_How so?" _

"_Well, as the boy was dying, he reached for her hand and held it…"_

Constance led me into the kitchen, and the other woman's eyes fixated on me, widening.

"You're hiding something."

I was taken aback.

"You have a guilt and it's causing you to hide." She nodded furiously, putting out her cigarette.

"Who the hell are you?" I was confused.

"This is Billie, she's a medium." Constance rolled her eyes. "Don't worry, she's just babbling."

I sat down carefully, apprehensive of the woman who was still glaring at me.

"You're hearing voices, aren't you?"

"Lilian, dear, would you like a drink?"

"Yes, thank you." I tried to ignore Billie and focus on Constance. "Where is he?"

"Oh, he's out at his sister's grave." Constance sat down, handing me a glass of wine.

There was a silence.

"He still doesn't know you, I presume." Constance raised an eyebrow as we both sipped our wine.

"You self mutilate. Why's that?" Billie questioned.

"Billie, leave my son's girlfriend alone. She's a sweet little girl."

Billie looked like someone had hit her. "But, that other girl… You can't-"

"I have a plan," I blurted out.

Constance clasped her hands together. "Excellent news! I am getting just tired of this whole helpless _Violet _nonsense." She stood once again, putting a hand on my shoulder as she went to fiddle with the dishes. "You're the one for my boy, he was always his best with you."

As deluded as her statement was, I felt a relief hearing it. The screwed up mother who never hesitated to point out his sadistic faults was acknowledging me as his savior.

Billie snorted. "The two of them have so much anger and blood, you wouldn't even believe it."

Constance shook her head, patting at her hair. "Two negatives make a positive, my dear."

This woman was grating into my last nerve.

"Have you come to reunite with him?" The medium's voice was dripping with mockery.

Constance glanced at me. "Oh, that would be wonderful, right in my house!" She beamed.

"No!" I shouted all too loudly. "I swear to god, if either of you even so much as mentions my name to him, I will kill you."

"She's not lying, she really will," Billie added flatly.

My anger was boiling.

"Quiet now, you'll wake the baby."

"How do you feel about that?" Billie glared at me, smirking. "The man you love fathering someone else's child."

"Billie, hush up, everyone knows the child isn't identified with Tate in the least."

Billie eyed me. "It bothers you though, right? And you just don't understand why." She shook her head.

I stood. "If you know so much, why play this game?" I leaned in towards her. "If I'm really so bloodthirsty, why provoke me?"

Billie stood, leaning into me. "You're bothered by Tate having another child because you never had the chance to have yours."

"God damn it Billie!" Constance slammed down her fist, shaking the table. The full glass of wine beside me crashed to the floor. "Get out of my house!"

The back door clicked as the woman left quickly.

There was a long silence. Instinctively, I got on my knees and began to pick up the glass. The wine around it reminded me of the blood, dripping dripping everywhere.

"I'll be right back." Constance disappeared, and as I heard her heels clicking on the steps, she called, "I have a gift for you."

I found a towel and slowly cleared the wine away, and threw everything away.

Was that it? Had I wanted a child? No, I can't have. I was 17. I wouldn't want a baby with Tate… Or maybe that was it. Maybe I was yearning for the future that never existed. Doesn't every girl in love want a husband and a family?

There was a soft rapping at the front door. I blinked out of my delusions.

"Constance?"

I froze. It was Tate. Would he enter immediately? Plunge into the mess that had formed between us? What would he say? What would I say? This was not a part of my plan.

"Constance, you said I should come back. Did you fall asleep?"

Without processing the motions involved, I found myself at the door.

"Constance? Are you in there?"

I slowly pushed the lock in so he couldn't enter, but then pressed my hand against the door.

"I'm going to stand here until you open this door."

I stood still for a long moment, then spoke very quietly under my breath. "Tate?"

I was sure he hadn't heard me, so I continued. "Tate… I love you more than she does, more than she ever did… I hope you know that. I need you back, baby…" I paused. "You're my baby, that's all I'll want. See, I don't care about the kids at school, or the gay guys, or Violet's family. I understand you, Tate. No one else does." I was speaking so softly, yet I felt I was shouting. "And I love you, for everything." Tears were welling up in my eyes. "I came back for a reason, Tate… So, you gotta remember me. You have to want me back, love."

There was no response, as expected.

"Tate… I hear voices… And I do things I can't control. All I think about is blood and death… Tate, I need your help."

"Constance?" He knocked again.

I slid to the floor, sitting with my back on the door, eyes watering.

Constance reappeared. "Just a second, dear. I have to finish a few things"

"Okay," Tate replied.

I stood swiftly and wiped my eyes. "Constance, I came here to ask you about my mother."

"Oh." She nodded. "I don't think you want to hear about her."

"Why not?" I tilted my head.

She ushered me back into the kitchen. "Well, she had another child…"

"Oh." I thought for a moment. I still couldn't remember her. Perhaps she was young enough for a new baby when I died.

"Yes, nearly tore your father up, it did. He left her in the third trimester." A very nervous look crossed her face.

"Go on."

"She named the baby… That baby's name is Lilith, so she is Lily…"

I paused, thinking. "She replaced me?" Only fair, I suppose, as I had forgotten her.

Constance quickly brandished the box she had come downstairs with. "Ta da!"

It was a shoe box and I held it delicately.

"Constance!" Tate sounded impatient.

"I should go…" I gave Constance a quick nod and headed out the door.

"We'll figure out your mother business once you're settled, alright?" She said just as I left.

I gave a half smile.

I went straight to the house after that, and was greeted by Violet in the den, digging through all her new things.

I sat down with her, tucking the box behind me as I started in on all of my bags.

When I glanced up, I noticed Violet gazing out the window. I cleared my throat. "You like Tony, don't you?"

She turned red.

"He always could make me laugh." I shook my head. "Shame he had to die, you know?"

Violet nodded. "Do you think it's worth anything though? Once a year?"

I shrugged. "Honestly, what's time in this place?" I paused and thought for a moment. What to say to seal the deal? She loves Tony, so she won't love Tate… "It's quite romantic, I think."

She smiled and nodded.

"It'll be good for you… After, you know, everything…"

She toyed with one of her new skirts. "Hope he doesn't find out…"

I determinedly put down my last shirt. "Let him find out you've met someone," I earnestly encouraged. "If you spend your whole life hiding from your ex, you won't get anywhere."

And that's when it hit me. The whole plan fell into place.

Step one was completed without even trying. Violet now wanted someone else. Now to make sure Tate knew it...

"Speaking of the devil…." Violet glanced through the window. Tate was coming out of Constance's back door and heading back to the house.

"I say you tell him. Do it. Let him know." I tried to sound like and encouraging best friend and not a vengeful enemy as I hastily gathered my things. "I'll leave so you have alone time."

"No, can you stay? Like, invisible?" She looked sheepish. "It'll help me be as brave as you."

I felt very awkward, but became invisible anyway. As long as the ends justified the means.

Tate came in the door.

Violet turned to stare at him.

"Oh, Violet…" He shifted his weight awkwardly. "How was your day?"

"What, were you visiting your son?" Violet demanded harshly.

"He's your brother, you know." Tate looked defensive. "But, no. Constance and I went to see Addie's grave together. That kid isn't mine. He's the house's."

Violet rolled her eyes.

"So, what did you do all day?"

Violet gestured to the counter. "I went shopping."

Tate laughed. "You're such a girl."

"I've met someone." Violet impatiently cut to the chase.

Tate looked surprised. "Who?"

I nearly jumped in. I didn't think that part through.

"A nice boy who died in a car accident." Huh. Maybe Violet was just as good a deceiver as the rest of us.

Tate chuckled darkly after a hesitation. "Is he horribly disfigured?"

"No." Violet looked annoyed.

"So, why are you telling me this?"

I was surprised. There was no pain present in Tate.

"So you'll finally move on and leave me alone." Violet was firm.

"You think I'd get over you that quickly?" Tate's eyes now filled with hurt. "You know, Violet, I'm getting better. Even ask your dad, I-"

"Go away, Tate." Her voice dripped with resentment.

And he was gone.

I returned quickly.

Violet looked at me. "Easier than I thought."

I laughed slightly. "Don't worry." I put a hand on her shoulder. "We'll get through this together." I looked at her supportively, but inside I was plotting.

Soon enough, the sun was rising and everyone was returning. Violet began to yawn and headed upstairs to her mother's room.

Once I was sure I was alone, I sat down and carefully opened the box.

They were Tate's boots, the ones I had bought him on his birthday. I could feel myself, huddled in a corner with three bodies closely pressed to mine, watching these boots come towards me.

I stood and carried them into the dining room, placing them on the table. Yes, there was a better memory.

"_Tate, open the present from Lily!" Addie exclaimed. _

_Tate made a sly face. He had been playing with her. "Good thing you reminded me, I would've totally forgotten!" And he began to open them_

I could feel the anxiety in my stomach, the anticipation. These needed to be _perfect._

"_Oh…" Tate's facial expression changed as he opened the box. He lifted one of the boots. _

_He glanced at me and gave an awkward smile. "Thanks, Lily."_

_My face fell. "You don't like them." I felt broken. Of course I had failed. _

_Tate stammered out a few sounds, then stood abruptly, clutching the box to his chest. He fled the room._

_There was an awkward quiet at the table._

"_I think it was an excellent gift," Constance put out her cigarette. "He really is quite ridiculous these days." _

"_I think he liked them." Addie beamed at me. _

_I stood slowly. "May I be excused?"_

_Larry nodded. _

_I left the room and began towards Tate's room. Once I got up the stairs, I could hear him sniffling in his room down the hallway. _

_I stepped into his doorway. He was crying as he sat on the floor, frantically trying to lace up the boots. _

"_I can return them if you don't like them…" I spoke hesitantly._

"_No!" His voice was hoarse from crying. "This is the best present ever and I love them!" He declared as he clutched the boots to his chest. _

_I smiled slightly. "Really?"_

_He hastily pulled the boots onto his feet and stood. "I love them."_

"_Then, why are you crying love?" _

"_Because they're perfect." He wobbled towards me like a child in his untied boots. "You're perfect."_

_I wiped away his tears. "I hate it when you cry." _

_He smiled. "All better?"_

_I nodded._

_He pulled me into his chest. "I love you." He kissed my forehead, then my lips. _

"_I love you, too, Tate Langdon."_

Now, as I stared at the boots in front of me, I felt tears for the third time tonight. He had worn these boots that night, when we made love for the first time.

I had purposefully gotten them a size too big in case he grew, so he always seemed like a happy little boy, tromping around in them.

I smiled at the memories and walked down to my room, clutching them to my chest above everything else I had acquired that day.

For the first time in ages, I slept well.

No voices, no nightmares.

_I love you, Lilian. _


	8. Chapter 8

**AUTHOR's NOTE: I meant to make a longer chapter but the other events I want to include are going to be in a separate chapter. :) **

I got used to it, the sane life. I functioned as a usual dead teenager would. I drew happy pictures, slept in peace, had complete control of my actions, and overall was mentally fit.

Then one day, I woke up because Missy shouted at me to do so. The next day as I stared at my reflection in the mirror, a woman's voice told me that my reflection was really just my replacement. The third day of my descent, all day I heard Addie, telling me how Tate would like my drawings.

Moira could tell I was shaken up. She suggested over tea I go back to see Ben, and tell him the truth.

"The truth?" I scoffed. "That's smart."

"There's nothing to worry about, I've already told him that Tate is not to find out about you." She nodded earnestly.

I slammed my cup down and it shattered.

"You know, this is the third glass this week!" She exclaimed, standing up to find a towel.

"I broke a wine glass at Constance's."

"What were you doing there?" She grabbed a towel and started to sop up the tea. When she turned away to wring it out, I slipped a piece of glass up my sleeve.

"Why did you tell Ben about Tate?" I asked angrily.

"To protect you." She swiftly collected all of the glass into the dust bin.

"Don't do that again." I tried to seem threatening, but Moira was never fazed by me.

"So, what were you doing next door?" She raised an eyebrow, leaning on the counter.

"I was asking about my mother." I looked up at the ceiling. "I don't seem to remember her."

"Don't lean back in your chair like that." She scolded instinctively.

I didn't listen. "I guess the woman who was my mother has replaced me with a second Lily. Did you know my mother?"

There was a pause. "I saw her, once, she came here after your death and demanded things from Constance. She was very angry, the two had an argument."

"About?" I leaned back farther.

"You know when you tip over in that chair I'm not going to feel sorry for you!" Moira changed the subject back to scolding.

I sat straight.

"You know, Lily, I always felt that you and I had a somewhat mother and daughter bond." She turned back to the sink.

"You're too young to be my mother." I chuckled slightly.

Moira dropped the cup she had been holding.

"Oh, look, you broke a cup, too. You can't yell at me now," I teased.

Moira turned around. "What do you mean by too young?"

"You're only a few years older than me, Moira. You can't be a mother," I replied, confused. I had assumed that was obvious.

Moira looked surprised. "But, you can't…"

I was confused. "Did I say something wrong?"

"Lily, I'm not… Lily, you should see me as rather old." She seemed worried as she spoke.

"If mid twenties is old… Then I guess you could say that."

She shook her head and pressed a hand to her temple, leaning on the counter. "God damn it…" she muttered under her breath.

Just then, Vivien entered the kitchen with the baby.

"Vivian, could you have Ben come down here?"

I glanced towards the stairs. I could feel Tate, sitting in Ben's office.

Vivien nodded. "Is it an emergency?"

Moira glanced at me, and then back at Vivien. "I'd just like to handle it now."

Vivien came towards me. "Lily, can you hold the baby? He might fuss but it'll just be a second." She practically dumped him into my arms and scurried out of the room.

The baby started wailing almost instantly. I wanted to hold my hands over my ears but the kid was in my arms.

"Moira, hold it."

Moira stared at me for a moment. "Just help him calm down," she assured.

I stared at the screeching bag of flesh. I was getting annoyed quickly. "Stop crying."

No such luck.

Moira reached out to pat the baby's head. I put it down and stepped back. He stopped crying.

"Try picking him up again."

I shook my head.

_Pick him up again. _

I stepped forward and picked him up. He started screaming once more.

Vivien reappeared with Ben close next to her. When she took the baby back, he stopped instantly.

"Babies hate me," I concluded bluntly. "Good thing I died before I hit mother hood."

Vivien smiled at the baby. "It takes getting used to, don't worry." She exited.

Ben glanced at Moira. "What's wrong?"

"Lilian, describe to Ben what I look like."

I furrowed my eye brows. "What?"

"Just describe me." She stared at me expectantly.

"You have red hair."

"What about my eyes?"

"I don't know blue? Green?"

Moira gave Ben a look. He crossed his arms and looked at me gently. "Lilian, can you describe her uniform to me? In detail."

I glanced at Moira. "Her shirts low enough to see her cleavage. It's tight. Suggestive. Sometimes when she leans over or reaches high you can see her ass. It's the slutty maid deal." I looked at Ben. "Personally, I've always found it inappropriate."

Ben looked at Moira. "We've just discovered this?"

Moira nodded. "I honestly always just assumed…" She bit her lip.

Ben turned to me. "Lilian, Moira should be appearing to you like an older woman, much older than the one you're seeing."

I shook my head. "Moira died young, when she fucked Tate's d-" I stopped suddenly. I felt the drop in my stomach that meant Tate was coming. I stood abruptly and left, running down the basement stairs.

"Ben?" I could hear him in the kitchen as I stood at the basement stairs.

"Tate, we're done for today."

"But, Ben-"

"Go away, Tate."

I sat on the last stair. That was the closest I'd been to him all week….

The basement door opened. I made myself invisible quickly. Tate walked right by me, if I hadn't been paying attention he would've tripped.

I watched as he paced back and forth. He seemed angry, which fascinated me as usual. Back. Forth. Pull at hair. Grit teeth. Back. Forth.

As always, I wanted to step out and hold him. He was my Tate, all I ever wanted, all I needed. Back. Forth.

He stopped and looked towards me. My heart leapt.

But, I was invisible. He couldn't see me. He went back to his pacing.

I stood and headed back up the stairs quietly. In the kitchen stood only Ben.

"Would you like to come to my office?"

"Why?"

He gestured to the door.

I glanced behind me to be sure the door was shut tightly.

"I can see what's happening here. Please come up with me." He headed towards the stairs.

I thought for a moment. What _did _he know? I followed quickly.

I found myself back on his couch, right where Tate had been oh-so-many times. I wondered if Tate really wanted help, or if it was just for Violet.

"So." Ben sat down with a notepad. "How long have you been afraid of Tate?"

I almost laughed. "What? I'm not afraid of anyone."

"Then, why run away when he's coming?"

I paused only a second. "Shouldn't we be focusing on how I see Moira?"

"Moira says it will be handled later." Ben jotted something down.

I leaned forward to glance at his paper. He tipped his pad up so I couldn't. "Well, I should go talk to her then." I started to stand.

"Sit down."

I did as I was told.

"How did you die, Lilian?"

This answer I knew. "My boyfriend killed me."

"Describe your boyfriend to me."

"It was a long time ago…" I thought for a long moment. "He had black hair and green eyes. He was angry most of the time, since our friends died and all."

"Your friends were the ones you and Violet went out with?"

I nodded.

"Do you ever wonder why your boyfriend killed you?"

"I know why he killed me." This was only partially a lie.

Ben looked surprised. "Why?"

"Because I'm a cheater." That was my main fear.

Ben hadn't been anticipating that answer. "You think he killed you for that?"

"Well, yes. That's what happens to cheaters, Benjamin…" I spoke to him like he was a school child. "They die," I whispered.

He merely put his pad aside. "I cheated and my wife forgave me."

"My boyfriend forgave me, too. We were very happy." I nodded. "And then-" I leaned in. "He killed me."

Ben's eyes showed a flash of fear

"What you don't know is that I've seen _every_thing. Every score and every sore. Every moment." I gestured around. "These walls, they talk to me."

Ben leaned away from me. "You hear voices?"

I grinned, shaking my head. "Metaphorically."

He picked up his notepad. "Well, what I _do_ know is you probably hate yourself for cheating. And that's why you self mutilate. And I also know you have a shard of glass up your sleeve which you're going to hand over immediately." He held out his palm without looking up.

I stood and walked towards his desk. "_I _know that you don't actually give two shits about me. You're worried about _Violet_." I picked up the picture of her.

"Did she tell you about him? Is that why you're afraid?"

"Is it weird, having an eternal newborn?" I put the picture back.

"Are you avoiding that question?"

"Are you sad you can't vote for president anymore?"

"Lilian."

"Benjamin." I turned back to him. "You know, that name is supposed to mean lucky."

He looked at me expectantly.

"You single handedly killed your whole family, then died. Wouldn't call that lucky."

Ben stood defensively. "_I _killed my family?" He demanded.

I stood up, standing close to him. "Who cheated?"

"That doesn't matter."

"Who held their hands and walked them into the murder house?" My voice was taunting.

"That doesn't make it my fault, that boy was the reason-"

I cut him off. "Who was too stupid to realize who he was?"

"How could I have possibly-"

I clamped a hand over his mouth. "Let me finish, _Benjamin_." I pushed him backwards towards the wall. "It was all spelled out for you. Who do you think let Addie in? How come you never tried to meet his parents? Weren't you curious when you couldn't call anyone at his school to talk about him?" I shoved him against the wall. "Didn't you own a fucking computer?" I practically screamed.

Why was I upset? I paused, stepping away.

"This isn't you, Lilian. I can tell that something's happening to you and you need my help," He said, still breathless. "Whatever it is about you, I think it's because he did something to you. We all know he's been crazy lately and maybe, because you're the same age as Violet, he did something to you, and you just don't know how to get help."

"Objection, leading the witness."

"I'm here to help you. And Moira and Vivien. We just want to help."

"Objection, speculation." I smiled, content. This could be a fun game.

"Lily."

"Lilian!" I corrected harshly.

"Tell me about that, then."

"About what?"

"Why I can't say Lily and others can."

"Adults don't call me Lily."

"What did your mother call you?"

"What did your mother call you?" I countered.

"What does Moira call you?"

"Lilian. Miss Lily. I don't argue."

"What does Tate call you?"

He didn't catch me. "What does he call you?"

"What did he do to you?"

"Objection, no evidence."

"What?"

"You're assuming facts."

"Lilian." Always scolding.

"Ben."

_Confuse him. Ready, set, go. _"Counter, what did he do to _you_?"

"Nothing." He answered too quickly.

"But you just said he did."

"Well, yes, obviously I meant-"

"Meant that you don't care what he did because you only care about your mistress?"

"What? Hayden? No!"

"Ben." Scolding.

"Tate!" he tried to bite back, but my name was not the one on his lips. I had thoroughly flustered him.

I laughed. "Me, him? No, never," I gushed. "You're too funny, Ben. I assume we're done now?"

"Maybe the two of you should come together." Ben shook his head and picked up his notepad, jotting down.

"Two of who?"

"You and Tate Langdon."

I laughed at the thought. "How about I make you a deal?"

"I don't make deals with my patients."

"We're fucking dead; I don't think you have any patient rules anymore, Ben."

He looked intrigued. "What sort of a deal?"

"I'll play your little therapy game. And you'll keep quiet."

"And in exchange for my silence?"

Unfamiliar voices continued to fill my head.

_In exchange I won't kill your family._

"You saw what I did to myself." I walked around behind him, casually glancing out the window. I leaned into his ear. "Just imagine what I could do to you and the things you care about."


	9. Chapter 9

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: This chapter took me longer than usual, I re wrote it a million times. Pay attention to this chapter, a lot of subtlety. ALSO! If you go onto deviant art and search fredweasleyfreak (that's me!) there is a colored sketch of Tate and Lily!**

_I would never let anybody or anything hurt you. I've never felt that way about anyone. _

My hand clasped the red ball for a moment before rolling it back across the floor.

"Play?" Beau appeared.

I nodded, staring still at a spot on the floor, my eyes probably glazed over as my mind whispered to me.

"Missed you." Beau settled in front of me, rolling the ball back.

I glanced at him. "I'm sorry."

Beau stared at me for a long moment. "Lily is alright?"

I forced a smile and looked at him. "Perfect, now that I'm with you."

Beau looked frustrated. "What's wrong?"

I sighed, rubbing my eyes. "I'm having some trouble, Beau."

Beau crawled towards me, his chain dragging. He wrapped his arms around me. "Hug."

I felt myself begin to smile. I hugged him back and let him hold me for awhile.

There was a reason Beau was above all of us. He didn't walk amongst us because we were tainted and flawed internally. The worst thing Beau had ever done was be born of Constance, born defected.

I felt tears pricking at my eyes. Beau never hurt anyone. He was absolutely free of sin. And here he was, giving comfort to the damned.

Beau pulled away and saw that I was crying. "No, no, no. No cry." His fingers fluttered across my cheeks. "Lily is happy, Lily is beautiful. Beau loves Lily. Everybody loves Lily." He nodded. "Tate loves Lily special, remember?"

I laughed. "The problem is he forgot."

Beau sighed and pointed to his bed. "Lily sleep here."

"Beau, that's where you sleep." I shook my head.

"Beau sleep on floor."

"Beau, you sleep in your bed."

Beau sighed again.

"I'll stay for awhile, okay? You get some sleep." I urged him towards the bed and tucked him in.

He looked tired as he lay down. "Play…"

I took a deep breath. He would fall asleep soon enough. "Where's Violet?"

"Room."

"Vivien?"

"With her."

"Ben?"

"His room." His eyes closed.

"Moira?"

He was quiet for a moment. "Office."

I grinned. "Hey, Beau, guess what?"

"What?"

"I know where Tate is." I sing-songed quietly.

Beau peered at me. "Where?"

"Basement. Sleeping like a baby."

Beau smiled and closed his eyes again. "Lily loves Tate…." His breathing slowed as he fell asleep.

I was content. As I watched him sleep peacefully, I let my thoughts wander. If I had been Beau's mother, he would be happy every day. Nothing would hold him back or trap him. He would've died naturally as an old man, not as a young boy murdered.

His rhythmic breathing eventually began to lull me into sleep. I felt my head tipping to my chest. I tried to keep myself up, but I hadn't slept in ages.

_Hush, crazy Lily, don't say a word,_

_Nobody needs know about the voice you heard._

_Tate wants Violet, you'll never win._

_Don't you know killing is a mortal sin?_

_And if the darkness consumes you, too,_

_At least you know that he'll never love you…_

As disturbing as the voice singing away in my head was, it did the trick and I was out like a light.

xxXXxx

The next thing I remember was the loud bang of the attic door coming down. I awoke with a start and glanced around, regaining consciousness. I focused for a moment. It was not Tate coming up the ladder, but someone else.

Beau woke as well and opened his mouth as if to speak. I put a hand on his shoulder and pressed a finger to my lips.

He nodded and pushed himself back against the wall.

"Nobody can see you, Beau. Okay?" I whispered.

He nodded and disappeared. I could still feel his presence beside me but now he was at least safe from peering eyes.

A figure appeared near the door. I stood, disappearing as well.

It was a young girl, around my age. She wore all black aside from a deep red shawl. Her eyes were very bloodshot and she began to wander about the attic, touching everything.

I dared to venture closer. She appeared to be high, to say the least. It was apparent as I got closer that she was very alive.

"You shouldn't be here." I stepped a bit closer.

Suddenly, a very disturbing smile came across her face. "Is that so?" She glanced around and her eyes settled on the spot where I was standing.

I suddenly felt very unsteady on my feet.

"Is that you, Tate Langdon?" She stepped closer. "It sure feels like you."

I fell to my knees, feeling ill.

She reached her hand out and I felt it glide through me. But, this didn't feel like the usual accidental contact. It wasn't a rare occurrence that while hiding, a human passed through one of us. Usually it was a fletting feeling of mild discomfort.

This was aching pain that made me feel violently unwell.

She pulled away quickly. "Oh, I'm quite sorry, you are not Tate…." She put her finger to her chin and pondered. "You're his couplet. He's trapped you beside him, hasn't he?"

I felt like I was about to vomit.

She spun around. "Don't worry, you'll all be elsewhere soon." She glanced back. "We strike at Midnight."

A male voice called from the hallway below. "Is he up there?"

"No." She began down the ladder. "Perhaps he's down below…."

I began to gag and reappeared once I heard the footsteps fade. "Beau, where's Tate?" I coughed out.

Beau was beside me. "Lily?" His voice was panicked.

"Where's Tate?" I restated, urgency in my voice.

"Basement." Beau replied quickly. 'Sleeping."

"Dammit…" I groaned and stood. "Beau, stay here and keep quiet." I nearly toppled down the ladder and began my way towards the basement. Tate was in danger, I wasn't going to be sick, I wasn't going to be sick, I wasn't-

I vomited just as I hit the stairs; most of it was blood.

You're dead Lily, just keep going. Tate is in danger. Tate is in danger. I could feel in my gut that those people would hurt Tate even worse than they hurt me.

I got to the second floor before I collapsed. I kept coughing up blood. I couldn't move.

_Tate Tate Tate Tate Tate Tate_

"Moira!" I called out, practically sobbing. "Moira!"

When there was no response I forced myself upright and tried to continue on.

"Lilian?" I felt arms clutch my waist. I slipped and fell again, only causing myself to choke out more blood.

A hand gripped my hair back. "Lilian, what's wrong? What happened?"

"Strangers…" I continued to be sick. _Oh, what a mess…_

"Where, Lily? Did they hurt you?"

"Lilian." I gagged.

I heard a chuckle. I finally identified the voice as Ben's.

"Lilian, we have to get you to lie down, stop trying to get up."

"No! I have to-" I was cut off by more bile. "They're going to hurt…" My voice faded out as my throat burned.

"Lilian, I'm going to pick you up, alright?"

"No, I have to go to the basement!" I finally forced out.

Ben's arms wrapped around me still and I felt myself leave the floor. He cradled me and carried me the opposite way down the hallway towards his bedroom.

"They're still here…" I felt myself growing weak.

"I'll make sure they're out, alright?" Ben assured me. "No one will get hurt, I promise."

I began to choke again, but this time no blood came out.

I felt myself hit a mattress and my muscles began to untense.

"I'll go right now, Lily. I'll make sure they leave." Ben started out the door.

"Check on Beau." My throat was killing me. Once he left, I leaned over the edge of the bed and expelled more blood.

After that, I felt exhaustion taking over again. I laid back and glanced around the room. I imagined Tate, the rubber man, stalking his prey. He was the ultimate predator…

I must've fallen asleep because quickly I was dreaming.

"_Lily, don't worry, they're gone. The strangers are gone…" Tate, climbing onto the bed next to me, in his rubber suit. "You did good, Lily." _

"_Tate, why now? I'm disgusting…" I still felt sick and was barely conscience, but I smiled at his presence._

_He pulled off his mask and smiled. "We'll fix that." He lifted me and quickly carted me down the hallway into the bathroom, starting the shower. He didn't strip me of my clothes, merely stood me under the stream of water and began washing away the blood. _

_I laughed to myself. _

_He glanced at me happily. "What is it?"_

_ "I dream of this, washing the blood off my hands…" I shrugged. "Usually not mine though." I felt as if I was drunk._

_He laughed. _

_Suddenly I was forward in time, and he was standing by the bed wear I lay, mask back on. "What now, Lily?"_

"_Did I save you?"_

_He nodded._

_I tugged him towards me. _

_There were time breaks in this dream. Next I knew I was on top of him in his suit, my pants below my knees. _

_I was angry, he had done this with Vivien, with Violet. And all I had was him, I saved myself for him. _

_But, oh, it was so good. Human contact, close as two people could get._

_Tate and Lily making love, like the old days. Sweet and quick and rough and beautiful. No murder, no cheating, no anger, no voices, no blood- just simple, easy, right sex…_

xxXXxx

When I awoke the lights were blinding in the room. "Miss Lily? You have to wake up now."

I rolled away. "No, I'm with Tate…"

"He isn't here." Moira began to pull me up. "It's in your head, dear."

"He was just here!" I realized too late that my words were slurring together.

"Lilian, get up." Her voice was stern.

I sat up, rubbing my eyes. "Where's Tate?"

She sighed and began to tap her foot impatiently. "We'll go check on him, alright?"

I stood quickly and nearly became sick again. Moira put a hand on my back to steady me.

"We have to leave this room, Miss Lily." She ushered me out into the hallway.

_You have to leave the room, Lily. You've done something bad. _

I blinked a few times. "What happened, Moira?" I asked as she guided me down the stairs.

She ignored my question. "Perhaps you should go back to sleep… To be honest, you seem quite drunk."

I glanced towards Tate's room as we passed it. One of the huge doe eyes looked back at me.

"Violet." I stopped.

She stepped out. "Are you alright?"

I nodded by force of habit. I stepped away from Moira and towards the room.

Violet looked me over. "Are you sure?"

"I just need some sleep."

Violet moved so that there was a clear passage into her room. "Here."

Moira pursed her lips before nodding reluctantly. "Call on me if you need anything."

I stumbled into Violet's room and lay on the floor where Tate's bed once stood.

"Lily, you don't want the bed?" She asked quietly.

I shook my head, closing my eyes. "Right here is good." Suddenly, waves of exhaustion washed over me.

_This is where you killed Tate, you can't sleep here._

I didn't kill Tate.

_You're the darkness. You killed him. All your fault._

The voices swirled around my head. No longer were they familiar, safe voice. They were malevolent, strange voices, torturing every ounce of my mind.

"Lily, what happened?" I heard Violet's mattress creak as she pulled off a blanket and put it over me.

I didn't respond.

_Close your eyes, try to sleep, rest your head little killer…_

xxXXxx

When I opened my eyes it was near dusk. I tried to absorb my surroundings and organize the events of the night before.

I sat up quickly. _"We strike at Midnight." _The girl's words echoed in my mind.

"Tate!" I exclaimed.

Violet looked up, pulling earbuds out of her ears. "What?"

I stood. "What?"

"You said Tate."

I should my head. "I said late."

"Late for what?"

I glanced at the sky. "Midnight. They said they'd be back at midnight." I glanced at the clothes I was wearing and furrowed my brows. "Did Moira change me?" I was not wearing the same clothes from the night before, but Moira would've never dressed me in Tate's clothes.

"Chad and Patrick, actually." Violet smiled as if it was a joke. "Everyone's been popping in here, playing concerned mother."

I glanced over myself. "Well, it worked, I suppose… I'm obviously better."

I headed out the door. Violet was close at my heels.

"So, what do we do now?"

I glanced towards the attic. "Is Beau okay?"

Violet nodded. "Tate has been with him all day, he's doing better now." She barely paused. "What did those people want?"

I stopped as I looked down to the first floor, leaning over the railing. The clock on the mantel showed 7:45. "Well, they want to do something to us, is what I surmised."

"Do what?"

"They said that we would all be 'elsewhere' soon." I looked up towards the third floor. "I get the feeling it's not a good elsewhere."

Violet turned white. "What?"

I started to climb over the banister. "Don't panic, okay?" I jumped off the banister and landed hard on the floor below. I stood quickly. "Son of a bitch." My legs were pulsating with pain.

"Why did you do that?" She called down, anxious.

"Blood splatter." I shrugged. "No such luck." I started to head towards the kitchen.

Violet's hurried footsteps could be heard echoing through the seemingly empty house.

"What are you doing now?"

I spun towards her. "Listen, the only way I know how to handle this is to keep them out by scaring them. Blood, guts, broken glass, the works."

Violet glanced around. "Why not just actually scare them?"

"Not safe." I looked at her. "Can you run around and tell everyone that the best idea is to lay low and stay somewhere off the beaten path?"

She nodded after a moment and ran off.

I filled my arms with glasses and headed towards the entry way. I glanced around.

"Troy, Brian!" I called.

The two boys showed up. "What?" Troy asked.

"Look, I know." I glanced around. "But, listen. I need you guys to break some shit."

Brian grinned and Troy nodded. "This is our specialty."

I nodded and headed towards the basement. I stopped for a moment. No Tate. I continued on, stopping towards the back corner. I crouched down. "Thaddeus."

A figure appeared under a nearby table.

"Thaddeus, you are _not _going to bite me."

An inhuman face appeared from the shadows.

"You here me? No biting. I just want you to come upstairs with me."

There was a hiss.

"Thaddeus, no biting." I looked behind myself.

He came into full view, for once merely sitting still.

"Thaddeus, do you want to come upstairs?"

He backed away.

"Okay. How about this? If I bang on the door," I said, making a knocking noise with my knuckle on the floor. "You'll come upstairs because that means someone is in danger."

He came towards me again, closer and closer.

He was right in my face. "Mom.. ma…" He whispered.

I nodded. "Okay."

He smiled.

I slowly started to get up. "No biting…." I started to back my way up the stairs. "No. Biting."

I made it up stairs safely. I let out a breath, and headed upstairs to find Violet.

I poked my head into Ben's office. "Ben, have you seen Violet?"

He didn't look up. "Yes, Tate."

"Lilian…" I paused slightly. "Did you see which way she went?"

"Why would I tell you, Tate?"

"What the hell?" I stepped towards him.

"Get out of here, Tate."

Moira appeared beside me. "Ben, stop it!" She snapped. She pulled me out of the office and pointed me down the hallway. "She's in the bathroom." She pushed me slightly and shooed my with her hand.

I walked away slowly. _Don't lie to yourself; you'd love to be just like me._

I stopped dead in my tracks. My hair stood on end. The voice in my head was Tate's.

_Keep going, you coward. _

I stepped into the bathroom, and was surprised to find Violet, razor in hand.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

She glanced up. Instead of looking surprised or defensive, she grinned. She held up a bowl that was now filling with her blood as it dripped in. "I was thinking we could write on the walls."

I thought for a moment. I nodded eventually. "You're doing it wrong though." I stepped over and took the razor. I felt like my hand was shaking but when I looked at it, it seemed fine, and Violet didn't say anything.

I took the razor between my fingers. I had actually been off the cutting since my incident, and was pretty sure that once I started, I wouldn't be able to stop so easily.

_Lily is a stupid, pathetic cutter. Bleed out; I hope something sticks for once. _

I closed my eyes and cut deep all the way from my wrist to my elbow.

In mere moments, her bowl was full and off we headed. We splattered blood everywhere, and wrote our messages on nearly all the blank surfaces.

Soon, it was long past dark and we were still going at it. I found myself, wrist open, rubbing the words LOVE COMES HERE TO DIE into the den wall.

After I finished, it healed quickly and I headed towards the kitchen to meet Violet who had the razor.

She stood in front of the last blank wall, arm dripping. She looked up at me, a concentrated look on her face. "I can't think of what to write."

I glanced at the wall. I stepped towards her and ran my fingers along her slice. I stepped up to the wall and wrote large distinct letters.

**T A I N T**

I smiled, proud of my work. But, when I glanced at Violet, she looked confused. "Taint?"

I nodded and pulled down the collar of my shirt. It was tattooed just below my collar bone. I had gotten it mere months before my death; Tate had even been the one to hold my hand during the inking.

"But, he-"

The front door clicked and we both fell silent as feet began to stomp in. The clock was striking midnight.

We quietly peeked around the corner. It wasn't just a few people this time; it was 16, all similarly clad in black. The girls wore maroon shawls and the men wore white.

I noticed the girl from last night as she glanced around at the mess the house had made.

"Hm." One of the adults of the group spoke. " 'Disturb our household, end your life'. They definitely didn't want us back."

The group laughed.

The girl spoke. "This house is full of hate. Plenty of sacrifices. This could take years!" She spun around squealing in delight.

I felt my stomach clench. Tate was near.

"Violet, I'm going invisible to get closer…" I whispered. I disappeared just as the basement door opened.

The group was slightly dispersing, touching the disaster we had set forth.

"Tate, what are you doing up here?" Violet hissed.

Tate looked surprised. "I was just…" he trailed off, eyes fixating on her dripping arm. "Why are you cutting?"

"Why is it your business?" Violet demanded.

"Because you promised!" Tate's voice was almost whining.

I turned my attention back to the group quickly. They were now forming a semicircle, and pulling on hoods. The girl pulled out a thick book, leafing through the pages.

"Tate, you shouldn't be here!" Violet was beginning to argue with him. "I don't want to see you!"

Tate glanced at the wall. "Taint?" He looked confused. "Did you write this?"

Violet started to open her mouth, but the girl began to speak.

"Tate Langdon, murderer of many, we call on you." The rest began to chant that after her.

Tate stared at them, stepping towards the opening hallway.

"Tate!" Violet tugged him back.

He looked at her with glazed over eyes and pushed her back forcefully.

She shook her head in disgust and ran upstairs.

Tate continued towards the group until he stood in the absolute center. A feeling of dread filled my stomach.

Suddenly, they all were looking at him. He had made himself visible.

The girl smiled. "Don't worry, Tate. You'll be elsewhere soon." She began to chant in Latin and they all linked hands.

Tate started to shake, just like he would towards the end of his life. _Save me, Lily._

I shook away the voices in my head. This was _real. _Tate needed me.

Their voices got louder, and Tate fell straight to the ground. He was seizing.

_SAVE ME, YOU FUCKING COWARD!_

I made myself visible to the entire company and ran towards Tate, pushing my body on top of his to shield him.

The group became silent.

I began to run my fingers through Tate's hair as he shook, foam coming out of the corner of his mouth, his beautiful black eyes rolled back in his head.

I realized that this was the first time I had touched Tate since the day I died. Over 23 years and hear he was in my arms. "Stop shaking, love. I'm here. Relax."

He didn't stop. He was having a full blown seizure and there was nothing I could do.

The girl gasped behind me. "You're his couplet!"

The group began to murmur to themselves.

I was angry. They hurt my Tate, they damaged him. I needed to protect him; I needed to make them suffer.

I stood and briskly walked to the kitchen.

The last thing I remember doing is rapping my knuckles three times on the basement door.

xxXXxx

Moira stood a few feet from me, scrubbing TAINT off of the walls. She had just about cleared all the blood out of the house, most of it being from where it was spillt in the hallway.

The police had poked around a bit, but just like it swayed the housemates, the dark magic books and suspicious dress of the cult made one of them murdering the rest seem completely plausible. It turned out that the group was a satanic cult, interested in feeding "dark spirits" to the devil. This was explanation enough, I suppose.

I didn't remember killing them. I didn't remember dragging all sixteen of them across the property line before they took their last breath. I didn't remember bringing a bloodied Thaddeus halfway across the house to his mother.

I did remember, however, the feeling of my boy within my arms.

I walked towards Moira, sucking on the straw of one of the juice boxes Constance had brought over, among other things, after the police had left.

"I touched him today, Moira."

**Next chapter should be Sunday at the latest!**


	10. Chapter 10

**AUTHOR: My hands are shaking as I upload this. I am so excited. I hope you love it. :) READ AWAY! Please review!**

The voices flowed through every moment of my pathetic existence. They used to stop, fade away if I paid them no mind. Now every moment, every action, every ounce of my day to day live was voices. Taunting, mocking, laughing, whispering, shouting, screaming. Missy, Tony, Cameron, Addie, my mother… And handfuls of voices I could never identify. They swirled about in my mind, taking over.

The most prominent was Tate's. His words were the harshest, the most biting. They had the power to make me stop in my tracks, tense up. They terrified me. Part of me knew that they were the real words of Tate, the ones I had dreaded for all these years.

It became hard to talk, with the voices playing in my head. I couldn't focus on conversation. I couldn't respond. My head pounded anytime I even tried to think independently.

I sat in Beau's room most days, in utter silence. The ball rolled back and forth, and he talked to me once and a while. He seemed to understand that I was silent and that was best. I didn't feel bad. I just felt numb. I couldn't feel anything, actually.

"Lily?"

My eyes snapped to attention as I caught the ball.

"Beau is worried." His eyes fell.

I paused, and then rolled the ball back. The voices whispered away so my focus could hardly be on Beau. I tried to narrow my mind and only let Beau in.

He glanced up at me. "Lily looks like Tate did."

The voice's cut out for a moment. I stood and left silently.

As I passed an empty bedroom, I caught myself in the mirror. I saw myself, distorted. It appeared as if I had a skeleton drawn on my face. My hair was pulled back and I wore a black coat.

Tate was laughing in my head.

The voices resumed as I headed down to the second floor. Now was the time to tell Ben, wasn't it? No use in hiding anymore, in case the voices were really destroying me.

_Ben hasn't talked to you in weeks. He keeps calling you my name. He probably even forgot yours. Why worry about useless, stupid, disgusting Lily?_

I stopped just before the door to Ben's office. Good thing, because Tate's actual voice could be heard. Ever since I had touched him, I couldn't sense his presence anymore.

"I felt it, Ben. Someone saved me. They pushed me out of the way and they held on and wouldn't let go." He had felt me? How could that be? He wasn't supposed to be able to.

"Tate, I've explained to you numerous times. You were having a seizure. Due to the chaotic flow of electricity in your brain during a seizure, you're incapable of remembering anything that happened during it. Even if someone did save you, you wouldn't have the slightest memory of it."

"No, Ben! It was real!" I heard Tate slam his fist on the table and stand. "It was warm and loving and safe! I _know _it wasn't Violet, that's not what I'm saying! I'm telling you someone saved me!"

I felt pain begin to prick at my head. Even listening to the real Tate, none of the voices wanted to silence. It was becoming a physical exercise to hear anyone, to focus on anything.

I wiped my nose quickly and continued to listen.

"Tate, I'm sorry, but what I've told you is the truth. Moira found you down there alone, still seizing. There's no chance anyone was even with you, all those people had left by then and killed themselves."

"Ben, I know what I felt! She was with me!"

"Who, Tate? Who was with you?" I heard Ben stand as well. "Can you think of _anyone_ in this entire house that would try to save you?"

I felt something dripping from my nose again. As I went to wipe it, I noticed that my hand was coated in blood.

The pain in my head was strong as I rushed to the bathroom.

I shut the door and locked it, heading straight to the sink and turning the water on.

_Look at Lily, can't even focus on something without falling apart. Are you stupid? _

I looked in the mirror as I took a washcloth and pinched it over my nose. My reflection was normal again.

My nose had stopped bleeding and I began to wash my hands once my face was clean.

_Washing it off, hm? Don't pretend like you don't want more. Go ahead, Lil. You know where Violet left the razor. Do it._

I blinked, shaking my head.

_Do it. You want it Lily. You're a poor pathetic sap and if you don't hurt your self, you'll never feel better. _

Almost robotic I was reaching the small space between the mirror and the wall and sliding out the razor. It felt cold between my finger tips.

_Do it, you piece of shit._

Drip. Drip. The blood began to stain the white sink. The first cut had been across my arm just below the elbow. I squeezed it so that more blood would pour out, pooling over the drain. I quickly sliced a cross on the line. 'T'

I continued cutting into my skin, so deep. I felt no pain though, no release. All I heard was voices screaming in my head.

I was done. T A T E.

_That's right. Carve my name into your skin. That's as close as you'll ever get. _

"What are you doing?"

I snapped out of it, pulling down my sleeve and looking up. Violet. "I locked the door."

Violet glanced at the door, jiggling the knob. "It's broken. It's been broken since your accident."

"Oh." I put down the razor. There was a long silence. I watched the blood stain through my white sleeve, hoping she wouldn't be able to read it.

I started humming to myself as I began to clean the blood, my arm beginning to burn. I suppose the cotton must've irritated it. "I know…" I took the washcloth I had used on my nose and began to sop up the blood. "You belong to somebody new…" I turned the water off. "But tonight, you belong to me…"

"What the hell song is that?" Violet asked.

I shrugged. "You only think it's creepy because I'm crazy."

Violet shook her head, looking down. I could tell she was unsure of how to handle the situation. "Lily… We aren't supposed to do that anymore."

I stepped towards her. "'We' aren't supposed to do a lot of things." The voices were talking for me now. "Fall in love with mental patients, go on dates with serial killers, fuck rapists…"

Her eyes looked as if water was forming in them and her mouth curved in horror. "What?"

"'We' seem to do them anyway, now don't we?"

This wasn't right, though. She was going to know, wasn't she? She was going to tell someone. My arm was started to really sting and I put a hand over the wound. Why wasn't it healed yet?

A tear tracked down Violet's cheek. "Lily, we used to be friends… What happened to you?" Her voice was shaking.

_Friends? You were her friend? Right. You know, a guy like me can love a girl like Violet. She fixed me, put me back to together after YOU fucked me up. _

I reacted violently, punching the mirror, and for once, shouted back at the voice. "Shut up! Get out!"

Violet jumped back, shaking her head. "I'm getting my dad, Lily…" And she ran off.

I slammed the door once she was gone. "God dammit…" I quickly stepped forward, pulling my shirt off.

I saw then why my arm hurt so much. It "healed", but instead of disappearing it had left a permanent scar on my skin. It seemed Tate would be etched into my scar tissue forever.

_Isn't it cruel, the irony of it? _

I took the wash cloth and tried to wipe it away but to no avail. I couldn't leave traces of any of this.

I glanced around. I seemed to have washed away all of the blood, but I still need to hide the evidence and put on a new shirt.

My head was pounding again. Too much to focus on while the voices whittled away at my psyche.

I tossed the bloodied items in the tub and pulled the shower curtain. I opened up the linen closet. I had kept shirts in there when I used to cut daily, back when I was just barely insane.

_No shirts, Lil. Can't seem to hide anything now. _

I grit my teeth. "Get out of my head." I began to dig through the towels. Finally, I found a sweater, way in the back. I quickly pulled it out and over my head just as I heard a soft knock at the door.

_That's my shirt, Lily. See, it still smells like me. I wore it after I met you, though. The day I met her actually. Right in this bathroom. How does that feel?_

"Miss Lily?" Moira's voice was soft, hesitant.

I rubbed my temple, the voices all muttering away at me. "Come in."

The door opened and Moira stepped in carefully, shutting the door behind her. "You cleaned up all the blood yourself?"

I nodded.

Moira nodded, glancing in the tub. "I'll take care of those, don't worry." She took a deep breath. "You've exceptionally scared Miss Violet."

_See that, Lily? We can't even bring you out in public._

"Lily, you're shaking."

"No, I'm not." His voice was speaking through mine.

"Lily, Ben doesn't want to see you."

"Good, why would I want to see Ben?"

Moira gave me a look and continued. "He's _going _to see you though, he's right outside and he says he'll drag you into the office if he has to."

"What am I an invalid?" I stopped a moment and closed my eyes. "Get out of my head," I breathed. "This is my mind, get out."

_Not in this house…_

"Moira, why doesn't Ben want to see me?" It was exceptionally harder to talk against the voices than I would have thought.

Moira gave me a stern look. "I don't want to tell you."

"You have to tell me."

She was silent for a moment as she sat on the lip of the tub. "Do you remember the night you got sick and how you were dreaming of Tate before I woke you?"

I nodded slowly. I was beginning to feel dizzy, I wasn't sure if it was because of the voices or the anticipation.

"There is a reason why you though Tate had been in bed with you."

I felt my gut clench. "Was… Was Tate really there?"

Moira looked down. "I wish it were that simple…"

I was waiting for a continuance. When I had none, I began to feel hostile. "What was it, Moira?" I demanded.

She didn't even look up.

_Shake her, Lily. Get the answer out of her. You _need _to hear this. _

I put my hands on her shoulders and forced her chin up, making her look at me. "Why did I think Tate was in the bed?" I growled.

"Because it was Ben!" She cried, trying to pull away from me. "I tried to tell you that it wasn't safe for you to keep waking up doing things you didn't recall, but you wouldn't hear it! I thought if you went to him for help he'd show you!"

I stepped back. All voices silenced but one.

_Lily fucked Ben. Lily fucked Ben._

Moira stood firmly. "You crawled on top of that poor man, thinking he was your boyfriend." She stepped towards the door. "There's nothing else I could have done." She put her hand on the door knob and opened it, stepping out. She glanced to the side. "She knows. Are you satisfied?" And she disappeared around the corner.

_Oh, look, Lily, you're just like me. Raping someone more than twice your size? Kudos to you. Thinking you'd sleep with me, what a laugh. You've ruined yourself now. _

Ben appeared in the doorway. "Lily."

I didn't correct him. I felt dead.

"Would you come to my office with me?"

I didn't as much as nod.

He stepped towards me and took my arm. "Come on." He nudged me out of the bathroom and down into his office. "Sit."

I sat down. _Crazy Lily, murderer Lily, rapist Lily. _I glanced out the window. The sun was setting.

Ben sat across from me, no notebook, no recorder.

I put my head in my hands, taking a deep breath and trying to collect myself.

"Where did you get that shirt?"

"Found it." I replied quietly.

I probably looked just like him now, sitting on the couch.

_Yes, just like me. However, I don't want a single part of you._

"Is that why you keep calling me Tate?" I looked up.

Ben nodded. His blue eyes that usually met me with concern or humor were now cold.

_You've ruined it. You were supposed to be just mine, only mine. Now you're just filth. _

"I'm sorry, Ben."

Ben looked surprised.

"I didn't mean to do that…" I glanced towards the hallway.

"You mean, you regret doing it?"

_Don't you tell him, Lily! It's your little crazy secret._

I felt resigned. "I mean I do things… When I'm asleep. I thought it was just drawings… But, then again, I sleep far away from everyone else." I stood and walked to the window. "I would never do that if I was awake."

Ben was silent.

_Go ahead in your little confessional. He knows everything, Lily. He can see right through you. Even if he does forgive you, I don't want you. Why don't you just go bury yourself?_

Ben stood and came towards me. "I forgive you."

"How can you forgive me?" Tate's voice took over angrily. "I raped your sorry ass."

Ben looked surprised for a moment. Then, he shook his head. "No, that's not what happened."

I pushed the voice away. "What do you mean?"

"I mean you pinned me down and started kissing me. Clothes stayed on. There was no penetration." He shook his head, putting a hand on his shoulder. "At most you molested me. Nothing as serious as rape."

I stepped back. "Then, why were you so angry?" I snapped.

Ben looked confused. "Because you violently took advantage of me. I'm getting concerned for the safety of the people in this house, Lilian. And now Violet tells me you're cutting in the bathroom and threatening her!" He became defensive quickly.

As if I switch had been flicked, all the voices returned, taunting, sneering, laughing. I couldn't even identify individuals, just a mass of shouting, loud, angry voices.

I brought my hands to my head.

_Good. Now it's not just me who thinks you're an absolute psychotic. Stupid, ugly, inadequate Lily. You think you're big? You think you're strong? YOU'RE A FUCKING WEAKLING, YOU TWO CENT WHORE! I HOPE YOU DISAPEAR! I REGRET THE DAY I KILLED YOU, IF I HADN'T YOU WOULDN'T BE-_

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" I hit myself in the head violently and repeatedly. "GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HEAD!" I screamed.

Ben tried to grab me, taking my wrists. I pulled away hastily and ran out of the room and down the stairs.

_Now he knows how crazy you are. Where are you running Lily? Home? School? To Cameron? Oh, wait, you killed Cameron. Tony? Yeah, dead. Missy? Your mother? Where are you going, Lily? _

I stopped in the middle of the foyer.

_You can't even ask me for help, because I have no idea who you are. _

I had to keep moving. I went straight for the basement door and went down, down, down, all the way back through the crawlspaces into my bedroom.

There sat all that I needed. Tate's boots and a stack of drawings nearly 24 years high. I collected them in my arms as carefully and neatly as I could, then climbed right back out.

I headed back through the basement swiftly as I could. The voices were protesting, but in a whisper. I seemed to have expelled Tate's from my mind.

I wasn't stopping for anything, though. This was it, this was the answer. I stormed all the way up to third floor and into the empty room, slamming and locking the door behind me. Tate would pass this room every time he left the attic, which he visited every day.

I placed the boots in the exact middle of the room and then set to the real task.

It took all night and well into the morning, but I did it. Every inch of the walls and ceiling were tacked up pictures I had drawn of him. Along the floor were scattered even more. This was it, my monument to him, right where he could see. He'd have to remember now.

As I stepped back outside the door and glanced in, I knew it was perfect. He would see it and know it was perfect, too.

I heard someone on the steps and I quickly became invisible. I was unsure as to whether to shut the door or not. What if it wasn't him? But, honestly, no one else really went to the third floor unless they were headed to the attic.

It was him, coming up the stairs slowly, as if he was thinking. He was so perfect, so right. As I watched him, I started to feel that I truly was insane. I felt like some sort of fangirl, shrine and all.

But, I couldn't think like that. Tate and Lily were perfect. This was right. _Taily. _I giggled to myself.

I started to head away. He had to come to his own conclusions, I wanted it to be a surprise. I didn't want to be let down if he didn't like it.

I passed him on the staircase and he paused for a moment, glancing towards me. Our shoulders had brushed. I smiled and he smiled. We had both felt it.

He however shook it away and continued up the stairs. I headed to the second floor, reappearing.

Ben was just coming out of his office and saw me. I started to run for the stairs, but he grabbed me and pulled me into his office, plopping me onto the couch.

"Whoa, Ben, calm down." Crazy Lily was back. "Are you looking for round two?"

But, honestly, who cared anymore? If I wasn't with Tate, where was I? Nowhere.

Ben sat down. "Lily, I'm going to cut to the chase. Are you hearing voices?"

I leaned back and pulled my feet under myself. Dressed just like Tate, sitting just like Tate.

_Today's a Tate day, isn't it? _But this voice was my own for once. "Yes. I see things, too."

Ben didn't look phased. "Do they make you do things?"

I shrugged.

"How long has this been going on?"

I put a finger to my chin as I thought. "When did I meet your daughter?"

Ben nodded, picking up his pad and scribbling. "Lily, do you know the voices?"

"Ben, I don't think you need to worry about the voices I hear."

Ben looked surprised as he looked up. "I don't?"

I shook my head.

"But, don't you want help?"

I shook my head, smirking.

"Well… What are you going to do?" Ben asked.

I only thought for a moment, and then plunged into it. "I prepare for the noble war. I'm calm, I know the secret." I leaned towards him. "I know what's coming, and I know no one can stop me, including myself."

Ben dropped his pad and pencil.

I stood, satisfied, and left the room quickly before he could relocate his voice box.

"_Lily looks like Tate did."_

I started to head towards the attic. Now that I had silenced the voices and regain control, I'd have to reassure him I was fine, Lily was fine. We would play and laugh like usual. Everything was fine. I _liked_ crazy Lily. What a laugh.

I pulled down the hatchway and headed up quickly. "Beauregard!" I exclaimed happily.

It was when I reached the top that I realized my mistake.

Tate had been on the third floor. He would've gone to the attic to see Beau. I had forgotten. How could I have forgotten?

But now, here stood Tate, surprised, staring back at me. Me, staring at him. Him, staring at me. Eyes connected, completely visible. He could see me, I could see him. HE COULD SEE ME.

As my mind raced, the voices disappeared. _This _was more important.

I didn't know what to say, what to do. I stepped back in mere surprise.

His mouth started to open, his lips forming a word.

"Lily?"


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note: I need your reviews because I'm very nervous about this chapter... However if you really like Violet and disapprove of her attitude in this chapter... Well, too bad. **

Drip.

This was it. What else was there? All this time built up behind me, but now there was nothing. Years upon years, but that was all gone. Poof! Wasted on an accident.

Nothing mattered anymore. Just sitting on the island, watching the kitchen sink leak. No talking, no moving. Only tensed up, waiting in anticipation for the next drop of water.

Drip.

I hadn't meant to disappear. I wasn't one who would run from Tate, I wasn't a coward. Violet ran from Tate. I didn't run from Tate. I would've let things play out.

Tate had started to lean towards me, but Beau had moved. When Tate glanced over at him, breaking eye contact, Beau had looked at me. "Go hide, go away!"

Drip.

He had only been trying to help. He understood that I had come up without thinking, that Tate wasn't supposed to see me. He didn't mean for me to go away, just for me to hide, like I had been doing. I wasn't angry.

So now this was it, sit and watch the sink. Let the drops lull me away into the depths of my mind.

Drip.

Tate wasn't going to look for me, I assured myself. He had never looked for me. No point in hiding.

When I reappeared in the kitchen, I just plopped in a chair at the island, folded my hands and brought my chin to them. The water dripping made sense. It was easy. Simple.

Drip.

"_Lily?"_

He had looked so cute, so confused, so curious. That could've been my moment.

Did he remember me? Or had he just been repeating back a name he had heard in the halls?

Maybe he remembered me. Maybe he would come and find me. I wasn't hiding anymore. Why should I? The jig was up. He had seen my face.

Drip.

What was he thinking? Where was he? He obviously hadn't gone to the basement; I would've seen him pass by. I would've preferred that. If he were to walk by and ignore me, sitting here, at least I'd have answers.

This was simple though. Sitting here, not moving, not thinking.

Drip.

Nora. When did she walk up to me? How long had I been sitting here?

"I just wanted to thank you, dear." She sat beside me, placing a hand on my shoulder. "Whatever you did to Thaddeus, he's actually acting like a child now."

I didn't respond. No thinking, no moving.

She stood, smoothing her dress. She leaned in to me and kissed me on the cheek. "You've saved my baby," She whispered. She straightened. "If only someone could save you…"

Drip.

_I stood beside the table, empty aside from him. What should I say? Hey, I'm Lily, we hooked up Saturday, I don't know if you recall? I never got your number and you're the prettiest boy I've ever seen… so, hi?_

_No, no. Those were not the words. He was eating quietly, eyes focused on a book that lay open on the table. _

_Birds. _

_I stepped up beside him, tray in hand. "I like birds, too."_

_He tilted his head back and stared up at me. "Why?"_

_I grinned slightly. "I bet you think I'm going to say because they fly."_

_He raised his eyebrows. "Why then?"_

"_Sexual selection." I didn't break his gaze. So what if he thought I was weird? "The male has to be pretty impressive, or else the female won't pick him and he dies weak and alone."_

_A smile cracked across his face, leaving dimples in his cheeks. "Twisted." He pulled out a seat for me. "Here."_

_I sat down, placing my tray on the table. I still didn't look away from him. His eyes were so dark, so hypnotizing. They made me feel… right. Like I was a puzzle piece and I had finally found my slot._

_He leaned into me and brushed his lips across mine. "I'm glad I met you." He laughed slightly as he pulled back. "I was afraid you wouldn't talk to me again."_

_I was confused. "Why wouldn't I?"_

_He gestured to the empty table. _

_I shook my head, then glanced at my tray and started picking at my plate. _

_He dumped his bagged lunch on the table. "Here, I bet this will taste a lot better." He slid me an apple. _

_I went to take it from him, but he didn't let go. Instead, he intertwined his fingers with mine. "Gotcha."_

_I smiled and leaned in to kiss him. "Good."_

_We didn't eat much that day. We were too busy getting to know each other better. The end of lunch came to soon though. I got up to leave, taking what trash we had onto my tray. He remained seated, glancing back at his book. _

"_You aren't coming?"_

_He shook his head. "Study hall." He glanced back up. "I'll walk you home, if that's okay." He looked vulnerable for a moment._

_I nodded. "I'll meet you out front after school?"_

_His smile returned as he nodded._

_I headed towards the trash cans by the door, dumping my tray and stacking it neatly. Most of the people had left the lunchroom. _

"_Lily."_

_I turned back at the sound of his voice. "Yes?"_

"_A lot of them mate for life, too." _

"_Yes." My now permanent smile grew. "I like birds a lot."_

"_So do I." _

Drip.

"Miss Lily, where have you been?" Moira appeared beside me. "Ben's been looking for you, Violet's been looking for you. Beau seems upset. What have you been doing?"

No thinking. No talking. No moving. No feeling.

"I'll make you some tea." Moira moved to the cabinet.

It didn't surprise me, I was too numb. Moira was now an elderly maid in a frumpy uniform. I didn't say anything.

"Have you been sitting here all week? Nora said she saw you right there three days ago." Moira filled the pot with water, then twisted the handle far enough for the dripping to stop.

I felt a pressure building up inside of me. With no water, nothing would make sense. At least the drops meant something, I understood them.

Moira turned towards me. She was blind in one eye as well, it appeared. 'If you want, I'll go get some of your drawings. Or just some pages, you can draw."

No responses. No movements.

The tea was done quickly and she placed it before me. I didn't want it.

"Don't you want to go see Beau? He really misses you."

Did I want to see Beau? No, that would be too easy. Tate would run into me again eventually.

After several minutes in absolute silence, Moira sighed. "Let's go check on Tate, which always cheers you up."

I felt myself tense.

We sat there for a long time. The tea eventually stopped steaming and the tea grew cold. It was a wonder how fast time passed when you knew time was never going to end.

"Here, let's go see Master Tate." She knew that saying that always made me giggle. Not this time.

She tried to loop her arm under mine and pull me out of the chair.

I pulled away roughly. "He saw me." I went back to my pose. The only act of its kind, Statue Lily!

Moira stepped away. "Oh… Oh, dear." She took the cup and went to the sink and dumped its contents out. She suddenly threw the cup into the sink. I heard it shatter but didn't flinch. She left quickly.

I didn't move. How long had I been sitting here?

I knew it was bound to happen eventually. She wasn't dumb. She would know.

I stared at her angry reflection in the glass of the window. No feelings, no fear.

I blinked and she was in front of me. I didn't move.

Her hand cupped under my chin and forced my eyes up to meet hers.

"Hello, Violet."

She shoved me back, and the stool underneath me brought me to the ground with a crash. "Lying bitch!"

That was fair.

Violet knelt over me and brought her fist up. I didn't even bother to dodge her. Nothing mattered, nothing made sense. "Why would you pretend like you didn't know him?" Her fist hit the side of my cheek. "Why would you lie?" And again.

The pain was good though. It was sensible, if Violet's knuckle met my jawbone, it hurt. This was good, this was easy to comprehend. I also understood that I should not hit her. If I did, I may further muck up my chances with Tate.

"Answer me!" Her hands gripped my shoulders and she shook me.

I blinked, staring at her. "Answer what?"

She screamed in frustration. "I'm tired of the act, Lily! You _knew _him!"

"Knew who?" I grinned internally.

This got me hit again. "_Him._" Distaste filled her voice.

I tasted blood in my mouth. "You know, Violet, I'm surprised at you. I didn't think you had this much violence in you."

"You know, I should've known." She shook her head, still sitting on my chest. "You're just like him. Erratic, bipolar, psychotic." She yanked the collar of my sweater down. "And this fucking thing." She dug her nail into the spot where my tattoo lay. "I should've guessed."

I nodded. "You're whole family is pretty stupid, I understand."

"You must've been the one who killed those people. I already know about how you go around killing people in the house. Everyone knows now. Just one piece of the puzzle left." Her face flushed with anger. "So, what are you? Constance said she had four kids, are you the fourth?"

I furrowed my eyebrows. "Excuse me?"

She shook me again. "Don't play dumb. Are you his sister? His friend? What are you?"

I stared at her for a long moment before I realized the pure hilarity of the situation. I started laughing.

Violet leaned away quickly, startled. "What are you laughing about?"

I kept laughing. Where had she drawn that conclusion?

Violet looked angrier as I continued.

I relaxed after a few moments and focused back on her. "Violet, Tate's my boyfriend."

The anger washed from her face and was replaced by shock.

I took advantage of the opportunity and shoved her off of me, standing quickly.

She reacted swiftly, lunging at me again.

I gripped her wrists in my hands and pushed her up against a nearby wall. "Don't you get it, Violet? Weren't you paying attention?" I shook my head, pressing her wrists into the wall. No violence, just defense. "I _am_ Tate. Everything I do _is_ Tate. I love Tate. Do _you_ love Tate?"

She looked angry again, beginning to struggle. "You can't hurt me! He'll kill you! He still loves me!"

I felt all of it piling up once again. If I said the wrong thing, I was ruined. If I said the right thing, who knows?

I took a breath. Nothing mattered. Nothing. "Are you sure about that?"

Violet kicked me in the shin once it registered what I had suggested.

I pulled away. She came at me, shoving me back. I didn't counter attack.

Her fingers somehow found there way into my hair. She pulled back, and I was forced closer to her.

"Violet, I don't want to fight you!" I shouted as she pulled me into the counter, my side catching hard on the corner.

_I can't hit her, I can't hit her. Stay calm for Tate._

Suddenly, Violet had me up against the wall. Her hands were up against my windpipe.

I gasped for air quickly before I started speaking. _Come on, Lily, push her away. _"I was Tate's girlfriend...In real life. We actually, physically dated… 8 months, but then I...He killed me. I still love him. So, that's why I.. hate you...Violet. I'd wish you dead, but...you know. Tate's mine, though." It was strained, but I got it out. "And I will hurt you. Ask anyone."

Violet pulled her hands away and stared at me. Her eyes looked as if they were rimming with tears.

"You told him to go away, Violet." I stared back at her, catching my breath. "Why are you so angry?"

Violet seemed as if she was about to answer. Instead of words though, she spit in my face.

Before me flashed everything. Tate. Meeting him, knowing him, loving him. The shooting, my death, the house. Cameron, Tony, Missy, Violet, Ben, Constance, Moira, Beau, my mother. Every moment flashed in that second. But in the end, it was all Tate. Smiling, happy Tate.

I opened my eyes and wiped my face.

The violent side of me woke up. The one who was out for blood, the one that fed the voices, the one that I would do anything to get rid of.

It was surprising. Violet was scratching and biting and kicking. There was hair pulling and screaming and we were throwing each other all over the kitchen. Things were smashing and I could taste blood…

"Hey!" A pair of hands gripped me by the elbows and pulled me away from Violet.

I spun around quickly, ready to hit whoever it was.

"Stop it." A hand gripped my fist, scolding. It was Travis.

"You stupid bitch!" Violet screamed behind me. I spun back around, ready to face her again.

Travis grabbed my elbows again. "Cool it, ladies."

Chad had a hold on Violet. "Seriously, you're breaking my house."

Violet and I were both breathing hard.

"He never would love a freak like you, you stupid two-timing bitch!" Violet shouted at me.

Travis pulled me closer to him. "Don't answer her. You're better than that."

I bit back my rage.

Violet stilled as well. "I'm cool." She snapped at Chad, yanking away from him.

Travis let go of me, but I stayed against him. I didn't want angry Lily back.

"You lied to me!" Violet shouted.

I stepped towards her. "You slept with my boyfriend!"

Violet spun around towards the stairs. "DAD!" She screeched.

It all happened to fast. Somehow, she spun back around and the drawer was opened and out came a knife. I couldn't comprehend how, all I knew was that it was quickly plunged into my stomach.

I fell back into Travis, who caught me just in time.

My mind registered the pain just as she stabbed me again.

Travis was yelling. Chad had run off.

She stabbed me again.

"No… I don't want to go to the nowhere place again…" I felt myself fading away. Blood came out of my mouth in globs.

She stabbed me a fourth time.

I found my voice and screamed as she stabbed me a fifth time.

"Tate! Help me!"


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Note ** _The beginning of this is a police report :) and then TATE POV! I'm just trying it out so let me know what you think! _

**CASE NUMBER:** 94-3336 (exclusive to HOME; WESTFIELD HIGH incident recorded separately.)

**INCIDENT DATE:** 11-18-1994  
><strong>INCIDENT TIME:<strong> 11:03 a.m. (discovery, time of death unknown.)  
><strong>INCIDENT LOCATION:<strong> **Langdon Home, Los Angeles, CA (View WESTFIELD SHOOTING FILE for more information.)**  
><strong>VICTIM:<strong> Lilian Alexandra Thistle, DOB-December 15, 1977. Home address- 9 Bell Drive, Los Angeles, California.  
><strong>SUSPECT:<strong>Tate Alexander Langdon, DOB- June 15, 1977.

**NARRATIVE:** Entered house invited at 11:00 a.m. Immediately rushed to bedroom on second floor, where boy was located. After beginning to cooperate, Tate pulled a gun from under a pillow on his bed. Was shot down with 17 bullets from the team assembled. Fell at foot of bed.

As he lay dying, I questioned him as to his motives of shooting his classmates. He did not respond. However just before his recorded time of death, his hand reached underneath the bed, revealing a human hand that he then squeezed just before his last breath.

The bed was quickly and carefully lifted so as to not disturb the findings underneath it. The scene was photographed after the discoverance of Lilian Thistle's body, already cooled. Her neck had been snapped what seemed like less than hour before our arrival.

If the photograph is not attached to this file, I highly recommend finding it in studying of this case. In almost a Romeo and Juliet-esque pose, both bodies lay beside each other, hands linked, faces tilted towards each other. Whether this was by chance or by Tate's doing, we will never know.

Lilian's body was removed first, and Constance Langdon identified the body. "Yes, that's Lily Thistle… Are you sure he hurt her? Tate loved Lily more than anything in this world." Tate's body was removed while Constance was giving her statement to avoid any severe emotional outbreak from the mother, and the recently returning home sister, Adelaide.

In my personal opinion, of all the crimes Tate Langdon has committed this day, (see WESTFIELD HIGH SHOOTING and ASSAULT ON LAWRENCE HARVEY) this was the most heartbreaking to discover. Several of our members took a moment in silence outside the home in respect of the classmates killed, but mainly our prayers were directed towards the girl's soul.

I fear that as we look further into things, we may find that Tate Langdon's murders were performed on students that he liked…

**TATE LANGDON P.O.V.**

As I was slowly refinding myself in the house, I felt something beautiful clasped in my hand. Soft palm, delicate fingers, clutched in my own. Something sticky and warm… I frowned when I realized it was blood.

I opened my eyes slowly and turned my head. It was her.

My breathing sped up for a moment as I quickly let go of her hand and sat up straight. She was covered in blood.

What had happened? The events that led me here came in flashes.

Hearing someone screaming for me and running through the house as fast as I could.

Coming upon a terrible scene as Violet sat atop Lily, stabbing her again and again and again.

Pulling Violet away. _Violet! Stop it! _

_No, Tate! Go away!_

Before I even had a chance to disappear, her blade went straight through my heart, and that was the last thing I knew before blackness.

I crawled to Lily's side. She looked as if she was merely sleeping as I ran a finger along her cheek. I glanced at her bloodied and torn shirt. I winced at the amount of stab wounds.

I knew that she wasn't sleeping. Her soul was lost somewhere outside of the house, and I was unsure as to when it would return. "Lily?" I put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it gently. "Lily, wake up…" I cooed at her. She didn't respond.

I took a deep breath. I couldn't face her, not after all of this. I'd have to watch her, protect her.

But, I couldn't face her.

I leaned in and pressed my lips to hers, then stood slowly. "I'm sorry…" I felt tears pricking at my eyes. I left quickly before I changed my mind.

Besides, I had a bitch to deal with.

**AND BACK TO LILY** **P.O.V.**

I was getting sick of the whole dying when you're dead situation. How many times had I visited this same nonexistent plane now? Three times, counting this…

Violet. Violet had gotten the upper hand. It made me livid, knowing that she had trapped me in Nowhere Ville. I gave her the upper hand. I fought with kid gloves. She had the handicap of Tate over my head. Tate may still love her; therefore hurting her would hurt him and indefinitely hurt me.

Get out of your head Lily! Stop living in this warped reality! What matters? Nothing, unless you act! You're in charge. You hold all of the cards. You picked this destiny, so stop fucking around!

The familiar too-bright walls surrounded me, caging me in. I was surprised, I should be out by now. A couple of stab wounds would've healed, especially if calling for Tate had produced results…

I looked ahead of me and saw the same shattered mirror from the last time I had been here, pinned up on the wall.

I stepped to it. The reflection was mine and mine alone. I pressed my hand to the glass. Over my shoulder, I saw Tate appear, coming towards me. I glanced over my shoulder, but he wasn't there.

However, when I looked back in the glass, he was resting his head on my shoulder and wrapping an arm around my waist.

I smiled, relaxing. He smiled back and planted a kiss just below my ear.

When I turned to look into his eyes, he wasn't really there. His image was in the mirror only, but that was alright for now. He was holding me in my reflection, and I could at least pretend that everything was working out…

_Nora's gone. _

I opened my eyes and I was lying on a freezing cold table, Doctor Charles Montgomery leaning over me. Everything was blurred.

I flinched as my eyes focused. He had a needle under my skin. I sat up quickly, pushing him away. "Get off!"

He looked concerned, palming his face. "Oh, dear. I've brought another one back to life again." He reached behind himself for an unlabeled bottle.

I glanced down at my bare body. Across my chest were several groupings on black stitches. "What the hell were you doing?" I pulled a nearby lab coat over my self.

He stood, walking towards a shelf. "36 stab wounds. Or perhaps 37..." He clicked his tongue. "Nora came running for me." He nodded.

My heart dropped. "Tate didn't save me?"

"Oh, the boy? Poor son, he went down in three." He dabbed the chemical on some cloth. "He made it." He brought the cloth to his mouth and inhaled. "You didn't."

A million things came to my mind at once. He had come? Violet had stabbed him? But then, where was he now? Why had he left?

"Where's Nora?" I asked. She would be much better at giving me these sorts of answers, especially since the doctor was under the influence.

Charles stopped, placing the cloth down. "Nora has left. Her and the baby had somewhere else to be, she will not be returning."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "What do you mean she left?"

Charles shrugged. "She has left the house. She's gone."

Somehow, I knew that he wasn't just crazy or confused. As I had been returning, I had… felt her leaving, almost.

Unconsciously, I reached down and began picking at one of the stitches.

"Don't touch those!" Charles scolded.

"Take them out then!" I demanded in return.

"No!" He protested like a child. "That's the only thing keeping you alive!"

I sighed angrily and reached towards where he had his tools. "Doctor Charles Montgomery, I think you need to understand something." I got hold of a pair of scissors. "We're all dead. And we are _stuck_ here." I started to snip away at the black threads all across my chest and belly. "The good news is, we can't die again." I gave him a pointed look. "So you're job as a doctor is pretty much null and void." I snipped the last of the stitches and pull the excess out.

"You're bleeding right now!" He pointed.

I sighed. "Wait a minute."

His eyes widened when in a few moments, the wounds had all disappeared.

"Can I have my clothes back?" I asked.

He glanced around. "The shirt had been destroyed…" He glanced towards the stairs. "A woman had come down here and taken the pants to be cleaned."

I stood, annoyed, and put the lab coat on so that it would cover everything.

"What about that wound?" He pointed to my left arm, TATE still scratched across it.

I glanced at it, pulling down the sleeve. "I don't know."

He looked quite puzzled, however, he continued on. "There's a girl who is down here quite often. Let me find her." He spun around. "Girl who lives in the basement," he called.

Hayden slinked out of the darkness. "What?"

Charles pointed at me. "She needs clothes."

Hayden glanced at me. "Oh. Alright." She smiled slightly. "Here, come with me." She stepped towards me and brought her fingers around my wrist, tugging me behind her.

Once we were away from Charles, I pulled away. "I have clothes."

She nodded. "I assumed you'd want to get out of there." She glanced around. "Travis should be somewhere around, he can fix whatever Charles did to you."

"I already got it."

"He'll want to see you anyway; he's been worried about you this whole time." She nudged me. "So, Violet did that to you?"

Right. Travis had come and broken the two of us up, where had he gone? "Yeah. Where _is_ Travis? I owe him a thank you probably."

"Did you do something with Tate? Is that why she got angry at you?" Hayden slightly stepped in my way, blocking the exit to the room.

I suddenly felt threat fill the air. "Excuse me?"

Hayden put her hands up in surrender. "Look, I get it. Being dead is rough, and Tate's as attractive as they come." She put her hands down and they balled into fists. "But, I called dibs."

A fire sparked in me. "What the fuck?"

She laughed slightly. "Look, I get it. You're a little bitty high schooler in love." She stepped close to me. Too close. "But this is a big girl game. I've already laid the foundation down. We're already hooking up." She shoved me back a bit. "I was into it first. And I already have to deal with that pissy bitch upstairs, and I don't need you thinking you can just pop into it."

Tate had been with this girl, too? What the hell was this shit? Violet and Vivien and now Hayden? I felt myself boiling over. Tate. Is. Mine. Call me jealous, call me vengeful. But I didn't let him kill my friends- I didn't go after him to have myself killed- for him to be with ALL OF THESE SLUTS.

"Tate's mine," I growled.

"What?" She laughed.

"Tate Alexander Langdon," I paused. "Is mine." I shoved her back with all of my might.

"Are you joking, you bitch?" She demanded once she caught her footing just short of hitting her head on the wall. "I'm twice your size!"

Tiny Lily. But, angry Lily. "Hey guess what?" I asked.

"What?" She snapped.

"I slept with Ben." I flashed my pearly whites at her. This wasn't a lie. We had been sleeping in the same bed.

Her face fell. "No you didn't."

"Sure I did." I nodded. "And unlike with SOME people, he actually liked it enough to keep it a secret. He didn't bury me in the back yard." If I was going to go for it, I might as well go all the way.

"You're lying!" She looked upset.

"No." I shook my head earnestly. "Guess what else?"

She looked expectant.

"Me and Tate had sex." I grinned from ear to ear. "So much sex."

Hayden shook her head, confusion like the idiot girl she was. "Tate said he only sleeps with Violet."

"Yeah." I stepped into her personal bubble. "But he fucked me before we died."

"What?"

"Oh, you didn't hear?" I laughed. "I'm Tate's real girlfriend." I pushed her up against the wall. "And you just played the wrong card."

xxXXxx

The sun wasn't even up yet, and the task was nearly finished. I continued to shovel the dirt back into the hole I had dug. I was most likely caked with mud, as the ground had been wet from the last rain.

I sang to myself, the same song Violet had been creeped out by. "Wait down, by the stream. How sweet it will seem, once more, just to dream in the moonlight. My honey I know, with the dawn, you'll be gone. But tonight, you belong to me."

"What are you doing?" I glanced up and Ben was standing at the edge of the makeshift grave.

I smiled. "Filling in a grave."

Ben's eyes nearly popped from his head. "Who did you bury?"

"Hayden." I went back to shoveling the dirt in.

Ben stood there quietly for a long moment.

I went back to my humming.

"I'll help you." He took the shovel from my hands and quickly began to work.

I sat down criss-cross and watched him.

"Will she stay buried?" He asked without looking up.

I thought for a moment. "Well, she had a scalpel through her chest. She'll have to get that out first." I nodded. "Then, she'll have to dig her way up at least six feet without suffocating."

Ben pushed in the last bit of dirt. "Why'd you do it?"

"Wouldn't you have?" I asked.

Ben suddenly hit the dirt with his shovel.

"Exactly." I grinned, standing. "I was angry. She tried to fuck with me." I shrugged, turning away. "I'm going to go shower and put on yet another set of clothes." I had been satisfied with my outfit, but then Violet ripped it up and stained it with all of her stabbing. I had wrecked the lab coat killing Hayden. And now my new outfit was covered in mud. I turned around just as I reached the back door. "In case you hadn't noticed, Ben," I called. "_Nobody _gets to fuck with me."

I wondered if he knew about Violet attacking me. I wonder if he knew about Tate's and my history. It wasn't that important to me, though. All I knew that mattered was that I was insane. And that I loved Tate, and being with him was all that meant something.

Several minutes later, I found myself comforted by the hot water that was cascading all over me. Once the mixture of earth and blood were washed away, I tilted my head back and relaxed.

What was going to happen to me? Was this it? Killing every time I grew too angry? Never facing the most likely sole person who could help me? Never being just happy? Never feeling relief, just pain and anger and depression?

I heard the door slam and I snapped back to reality. I turned off the water and pulled back the curtain a bit. In the steam on the mirror was scribbled, 'Watch your back better. XOXO, Vi.'

I sighed, stepping out and realizing that the change of clean clothes I had brought up was gone. "Really mature," I muttered, wiping her message off of the mirror. I shrugged as I grabbed the towel, wrapping it around me. "At least I didn't get stabbed." I took a breath and became invisible. I don't think she thought her plan out this far.

I stepped out of the bathroom. The hallway air was cool in comparison. I tried to remember what season it was as I headed towards the stairs.

I stopped when I realized that someone was following me. Slow steps could be heard close behind me.

I subtly stepped out of there path without looking at them and started to head back towards the attic. I was sure I could find some clothes up there.

In a moment, I realized the footsteps could still be heard behind me. I stopped abruptly, and my follower followed suit.

I headed towards the stairs that led to the first floor once more.

I glanced behind me and felt my heart rate speed up. Behind me was Tate, dark eyes scanning the floor leading up to me. I was invisible, wasn't I? Was he tailing me so closely?

I found the answer almost immediately. Invisible or not, my feet were leaving wet footprints as I walked on, a perfect trail straight to me.

Tate looked up at me. Though I knew he couldn't see me, I felt like he knew where I was. He was looking straight into my eyes, and he smiled.

I hurried towards the stairs, startled.

He was after me in a heartbeat, his sneakers squeaking on the hardwood floor.

I slightly hoped he didn't slip on the map of water I was leaving behind, but I was more focused on his not catching me.

I was running as we got to the first floor, my heartbeat in my ears. I could hear him, just behind me. He had been on the track team; it wouldn't be hard for him to catch up.

Suddenly the walls around me weren't what I thought them to be. I had stepped into a memory, and I was remembering this exact moment at the lake house, as I ran from what had happened with Cameron. Here it was again, only now, it was more serious. This was me, running away from everything.

And I didn't want to run away from everything anymore.

Once it hit me, I felt myself start to slip, and as I did, I became visible again. I crashed to the floor, soaking wet in a towel. But this time, I wasn't crying. All the other moments I thought I had missed didn't matter.

This was the moment.

"Shit, Lily, are you alright?" Tate was by my side in a fraction of a second, his hand pressed on my damp back, a worried look on his face.

I looked into his beautiful eyes. He could see me! He was touching me!

"Lily?" He inched slightly closer to me.

I laughed. "I'm excellent, Tate Langdon." I smiled.

He grinned, too. "What are you laughing about?"

I reached up, twisting my fingers into his golden locks and pulling him in to me. Our lips met for the first time in 24 years, but as they did, everything disappeared. All the time apart, all the blood, the anger, the hiding, the insecurities- gone.

He adjusted so that I was lying on the floor underneath him. There were still fights to be fought, issues to be dealt with, stories to tell, confessions to let out...

But, for now, it was just Tate and Lily, kissing for their (second)first time.

And _that _was all that mattered.

**A/N: **_ Tomorrow (Tuesday) I am having a surgery. I have no clue when I'll be in a state to update. (I hope sooner rather than later) But, if you think this is nearing the end, YOU ARE MISTAKEN SIR_


	13. Chapter 13

**Author Blahblahblah: **

**I have this stigma about thirteenth chapters. THEY ARE ALL DOOMED. So, I hope this one isn't. I feel like it's very fluffy and puffpuff. I hope it's good though. I stared it in Tate's view again cuz I'm awesome. It's iffy though. I have a personal little front row seat in Lily's limbic system, while Tate's functionings are somewhat of a soft science to me. Well, I hope you all like it! Please Review.**

**TATE LANGDON POV**

Her skin soft skin was the first thing I knew as I woke up. But the skin of her left arm was scarred, bumpy with my name. How it had gotten there I didn't know.

I giggled slightly to myself; we had fallen asleep right there in the middle of the hallway after our bout of lovemaking.

I smiled as I watched her, towel loosely covering her chest as it rose and fell with each breath. I had found Lily, the faint memory that had been lost in my mind for all of these years.

I stood carefully, collecting myself before scooping her sleeping form into my arms and beginning up the stairs with her. She shivered slightly, still needing clothes and, as it more than appeared that she hadn't slept in ages, probably a warm bed.

I stepped into my room holding her, and the perfect bubble of happiness was rippled as I came face to face with Violet, sitting on my bed, ear buds blasting.

She looked up on my, pure hate in her eyes. But, I wasn't about to be intimidated, not now that I had someone.

"Violet, I'd like you to leave my room now." I cleared my throat. "You have other places that you can… be. And this was my bedroom first and I'd like it back."

Violet shut the book she was reading with a soft slam, pulling out her earbuds. "You're not putting _that_ in _my _bed." Her eyes focused on Lily for a brief moment. "Besides, you sleep in the basement."

"Actually, it's _my _bed." I shifted my weight slightly, hoisting Lily up higher. "Remember? They sold yours after you died, and moved mine in a few years ago for show." I didn't want to get into a fight, I wanted Lily to be able to sleep at least semi- peaceably.

Violet didn't budge.

"I'd also like you to give me Lily's clothes back. It was very rude of you to take them."

Violet stood angrily, tossing her book aside. "So that's how you work, Tate?" She clenched her fists. "Some new girl shows up willing to fuck you and I'm just tossed out with the garbage?" She snapped.

I blinked, surprised. "Excuse me?"

"What about Tate and Violet for always? What about never hurting the people you love?" She stepped towards me and gave us a shove. "What about us?"

I caught my balance quickly, holding Lily tight to my chest. I shook my head, swallowing. "Violet, you told me to go away _years_ ago. You're the one who didn't want me." Anger began to push its way through my skull. "What is it, you don't want me, but no one else can have me either?" I pushed past her, knocking her small frame to the side and lay Lily gently on the bed. "Besides, Lily's not just some girl who showed up. I know her." I pulled the blanket over a still shivering Lily. "She's my girlfriend, and you shouldn't have hurt her."

"I know, I know, I heard all about it." Violet retorted. "But don't lie to me Tate, you don't remember her. How could you if you don't remember shooting those kids?" She demanded.

I turned away from Lily to face Violet. "I remember her just fine!"

"Oh really?" Violet smirked, leaning on the doorframe. "What's her full name?"

I glanced back at Lily, as if I would find the answer with her.

Violet nodded. "How long did you two date for?" She continued when I didn't reply. "Why's she in the house?"

"That stuff doesn't matter!" I shouted. "And it's none of your business!"

I heard a rustle behind me. I had woken Lily.

"Tate? What's going on?" She rubbed her eyes, looking warily at Violet.

"Oh, we're just taking a walk down memory lane is all." Violet crossed her arms across her chest. "Lily, when did you and Tate start dating?"

Lily tugged the towel over herself better. "Winter, 1994."

"How long did you date before you both died?" Violet asked smugly.

"Almost nine months."

Violet stared at me. "I bet she thinks it matters." She pressed herself up against me. "Speaking of dying, Tate, could you tell me how Lily died?"

I felt a rush of blood to my head. That memory was irretrievable, missing.

"See, Tate? You don't remember her!" Violet spat. "You just want a warm body to lay next to you and make you feel like you matter!" She shoved me back again. "You can't replace me, Tate! Just because you don't want to be a bad person doesn't mean that you can create a world where you aren't!" Before I could recover, she had me pressed on the wall. "So, tell me, who's Lily?" She whispered.

I looked away from Violet and my eyes connected with the girl on the bed. She looked hurt, I could see in her eyes that I had done something wrong.

I pushed Violet away, anger taking over. "No, Violet, you can't do this to me!" I shouted. "You can't hurt me anymore! It's over!"

"Hurt you?" She screeched. "Do you know what you've done to me?"

I shook my head. "Violet it's been too long. Move on."

"Tate, you took my virginity! You said you'd love me forever!" Violet screamed.

"Yeah, well you didn't want me anymore, Vi, remember?" I snapped. I grabbed her by the shoulders and placed her right where I had stood so long ago. "Here, stand in my place and take it, Vi." I leaned in to her. "_I can't love you anymore._" I growled.

"But you said that I was all you wanted! All you had!"

I bit my lip. This wasn't fair. Violet didn't get to play this game with me. She told me to go away, she didn't want me. She can't demand me to fulfill promises that _she _broke. "Good bye, Violet."

Her eyes widened, she backed a step away. "No, Tate."

I glanced around the room. Only a few of the things were hers. I quickly went to the window and forced it open, noticing for the first time that rain was whipping around the grounds outside.

"Violet, you gave up on _me_. You made _me_ leave." I started to gather her things in my arms. She was crying; she didn't move to stop me. "You better leave Lily alone. Because unlike _you,_" I threw all of her things out the window, a gust catching them. I looked back at her. "I know that she never left my side. And I'm not gonna leave hers again." I shook my head, a flash of the mangled corpse that Violet had left of Lily. "You won't touch her."

It was the same scene, mirrored. Violet was the hysterical one, the begging one. And I was the resigned, the angry.

"Go away, Violet."

**LILY THISTLE POV**

Tate was shaking, but his back was turned to me. I couldn't tell if he was angry, or crying. It was silent as I sat, curled into myself in the bed. I stared at his shoulders, the strongest things I ever knew, no matter what was held on them. There was something about being in the room with him, something about knowing that this was all happening…

I glanced around. I needed clothes, for one thing. The room was cold from the storm.

I gradually started to move off of the bed. _Silent Lily_. I draped the blanket over my shoulders and stepped towards the window, gripping the frame and pushing down.

I turned back to Tate. I felt exposed, for obvious reasons, but also because of what had happened. He had slept with me, our bodies had intertwined… But, he didn't know who I was, really, did he?

I always thought that it would just… come back to him. That seeing me would make all the happy memories that kept me sane come to him. And if he didn't remember, like Violet said, would anyone ever know _why_? He had to know me, all of me. He _had _to.

I stepped towards him and put a hand on his shoulder. He turned to face me. He _had _been crying. A slight smile cracked his lips.

"We'll get you some clothes, alright?" He ran a few fingers across my tattoo.

I dropped the blanket, tugging at his shirt tail and starting to pull it off of him. Once it was over his head, I pulled it over my own.

He laughed slightly. "Perfect."

"Tate, you don't know who I am." I looked up at him and his smile faded.

"No, you're Lily." He nodded, brows furrowed. "We were in love."

I didn't reply, the 'were' causing me hesitance.

"I've seen your face…" he looked up, thinking. "Loads of times. I just never knew…" He took my hand. "But, we'll put it all together right? Like all of your pictures?"

"But I don't want you just to know that I'm Lily… I want you to know _who _I am." I stared at him. "I don't want us to start new… I want what was already there." I shook my head. "Tate, just… Remember me, okay?" I turned away and headed towards the door. "And let me know when you do."

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to go se Beau or something… Get some clothes." I shrugged, glancing back at him. He looked downtrodden. "Tate, I'm not angry." I looked at his shirtless form. "I just want _my _Tate." And if Lily didn't exist in his mind, he wasn't my Tate.

I left, heading down the hallway and up towards the third floor. The spare room was still full of the drawings and the boots. I smiled slightly.

I entered the attic slowly. "Hang on Beau." I heard his chain rattle. "I have to put some pants on, alright?"

Beau laughed slightly. "Lily always forgets clothes."

I chuckled slightly. "Sure do." It was true; I had never really learned modesty as well as most, ever since I was little.

"Nora is gone." Beau stated as I pulled on a pair of jeans that wee neatly folded in one of the bureaus.

"Really gone?" I asked.

Beau nodded. "Really gone."

"Is Lily hiding?" Beau asked once I sat down, fully clothed, catching the ball as he rolled it.

I stopped for a minute, thinking. "No, Beau. I don't need to hide anymore."

He stared at me, not rolling the ball back. "Lily and Tate?"

I looked up at him. I shook my head after a long moment. "Tate doesn't remember me like he should."

"Oh." Beau looked down.

There was an elongated silence.

Beau sniffled.

"Beau, are you crying?"

He looked up, nodding.

"Why are you sad Beau?" I moved closer to him, wrapping an arm around him.

"Tate and Lily are supposed to be together. It was supposed to work."

"What was Beau?" I asked, wiping his tears.

"I no knock. Lily one day come up."

I froze for a moment.

"Lily mad?"

I laughed. "No, Beau." I laughed again. "It was fate. You just sped it up…"

xxXXxx

Once Beau had settled down, I had laid him down. I quietly left the attic and headed back through the hole. It was late, in the early hours of the morning.

"It was raining." His voice echoed up from the second floor.

I stared down the staircase at him. "It still is."

Tate shook his head. "Not like this. It was only a little." He took up a step up the stairs. "And it was cold as _hell._" As his eyes met mine, I realized they were rimmed with red. "And you were there. That kid brought you because you were looking through the window. Right in front of me, he brought you." He took a few more steps. "And you were embarrassed, but it was okay because I was too. You were so beautiful. God, you were so beautiful." He stopped in the middle of the staircase. "I only had one cigarette, and we shared it. And I wanted to kiss you, so bad. But, damn, you were so intimidating. And, I didn't have any friends." He shrugged. "I was only there because that guy asked me to come. And you were in my lap and you kissed me." He nodded. "And that's how I knew. I knew I loved you. And I still do." He swallowed. "Love you. For the same reasons."

I smiled and rushed down into his arms. He caught me happily and pulled me into his chest, kissing the top of my head.

"And, I have to know you, or else I wouldn't love you." He puled me in tighter. "I wanted to forget, Lily. I wanted it all to go away. But, not you." He lifted my chin. "You're all I care about, and I'm sorry I forgot. But, you weren't here. So I put it all away. I wrote it all in a book and hid it." He shook his head. "I didn't mean for it all to go away."

I pressed my lips to his.

"I'm going to fix this, okay? I promise." He looked at me. "I'm going to be your Tate again."

**ALSO. I couldn't think of any prize or anything but ABSOLUTE KUDOS to justawrestlingdream for being the first to point out that Tate Alexander Landon and Lilian Alexandra Thistle (TAL and LAT) are reflected initials. :) I don't do these things by accident ;)**


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's Note:**  
><strong>A couple of you asked for my tumblr. Such a thing unfortunately does not exist. My best friend Cameron tells me to get one everyday. (You may be saying now "OMG, Cameron's real?". The response to such a thing is: Yes. He is very real.) I also do not tweet. I'm very unupdated. <strong>

**ALSO. I do not do "song fics". The brief bit of quote from a song just made me think of Taily's situation. **

**Please read and review. :) **

_I glanced at my Converse as the music made the wall I sat against vibrate. I tucked my legs partially underneath me._

"_Here, Lily." Tony held out a cup to me. _

"_No, no, no." I shook my head. "Not drinking tonight." _

_Tony shrugged, retracting his hand and drinking from the cup himself. "Easy for you to say." He finished off the cup in one gulp. "You're in Loveland." _

_I felt a hand squeeze mine as Tate returned to my side. Instinctively, our heads turned and our lips met. It had all become methodic. Don't let go of Tate. Remain touching Tate at all times. If you do let go of Tate, once he returns, touch him again. Kiss Tate always. Hold Tate always. If you don't, you will explode. _

_Suddenly, the back of Tate's throat let out a groan and he was pulling me off the ground and out into the hallway swiftly. _

"_Where are we going?" I laughed, letting him pull me through the door to the boys' locker room. _

_Tate shut the door behind us, turning the lock. "I'm sorry, Lily, I know this isn't how we do things…" _

_Listen to Tate. Take chances with Tate. Let Tate make you happy. _

_Tate smiled at me sheepishly, pulling me into his arms. _

_I hugged him back. "It's okay…"_

_He pressed his lips to mine, turning me so I was against the wall as he began to kiss down my neck. "It's your own damn fault for looking so gorgeous…" He muttered, laughing slightly. _

_I intertwined my fingers with his. _Tate is love. _"I'm so sorry, Mr. Langdon." _

_I had dressed simply enough. A deep indigo dress, Converse (fuck society and their heels), flesh colored sheer tights. I had pulled my hair back on each side, creating two half ponytails. Later, as I was pulling my tights back on, they still had remained fairly neat in place. _

_I padded across the locker room floor. "Tate? Can you zip this?"_

_I heard a sniffle and instantly felt a physical reaction. "Tate?" I rounded the corner quickly to find him crouched half dressed in the corner, crying. _

"_Tate." I hated to see him in pain. I knelt to his side, putting my hands on his shoulders. Always be touching Tate. Never let go of him. "Tate, what happened? Why are you crying?" I demanded. What had I done wrong? He had been blissfully satiated mere moments before. Now he was a crumpled shirtless mess. "Tate!" I shook him lightly._

"_I don't want it to happen…" Tate whispered. _

"_Don't want what to happen?" I asked, pushing his hair aside, soothing. _

"_I don't want it to happen to you!" He stated anxiously. He began to shake. _

_I pulled him in close, hands pressed against his bare back. "Nothing's going to happen to me, love…" I kissed his neck softly, murmuring. "I promise, I'm right here for always…"_

Why were you crying, Tate?" I sat across from him, pressed against the wall, turning my head to gaze at him.

I believe it had actually been weeks, the two of us sitting here in this room, remembering. The pictures helped. I had brought up more, any memory would help. I'd hand him a drawing and he'd stare at it for a long while. Then, he'd start to tell me what it was. After a while, he wouldn't need the pause, he'd just know. He began to piece it all together, from day 1, and now to the dance, mere weeks before his noble mission.

He didn't tell me about the lake house. He didn't remember our friends.

Maybe I didn't want to know. Maybe that was enough for me. The happy times. Anything other than "I killed you because…"

I glanced to the side, a picture of Tony and Missy smiling back at me. I stood slowly, lifting all the pictures of our little "group".

Tate shook his head as I came towards him. "I don't know… I just." He reached for my hand as I cleared a spot next to him and sat. "Something bad was going to happen to you. And I couldn't stop it."

I silently handed him the sketch of Tony and Missy.

He stared at me for a moment first. "You have charcoal on your face." He ran his finger along the side of my nose, wiping it away. "Just like always…" he smiled. He looked at the picture and immediately stated. "Anthony and Melissa."

I smiled, too. "Tate…" I scolded lightly.

"Right. Tony and Missy." Tate shook his head. "He wants her _so_ bad."

I laughed at his bluntness. "Yeah, he does."

"He invited me to that party. He carried you over." Tate's grin widened. "They're good friends. What happened to them?"

I didn't make any move, any emotion, to respond.

Tate looked at the picture again, then suddenly dropped it, pushing himself away. "I killed them, didn't I?"

I caught him quickly, taking him into my arms.

He pulled away. "I don't want to see anymore pictures."

"You don't have to." I slowly shook my head, taking his hand. "I'll walk you through it."

He nodded slowly.

I swallowed. "You killed 12 kids… I'm not going to pretend to know what happened, I didn't see it, I wasn't there." I closed my eyes tightly. "We were in a classroom, thinking we could get ourselves out the windows… We should've left with everyone else, we might've gotten away." I opened my eyes and looked at Tate. "Do you remember? You shot the glass on the door."

Tate looked disgusted, looking down. "So I could unlock the fucking door…"

I nodded. "Tony tried to talk to you… It wasn't you, Tate. You smiled, acted like everything was fine. You helped him up…"

"And then I shot him." His cheeks became wet again. I reached out with my free hand to wipe them clean, but he pushed it away. "Missy, too. Lined them both up across the room."

I glanced out the window. "It didn't look like you, Tate. The anger in your eyes… I'd never seen you look like that before."

Tate looked at me. "Have you been watching me, Lily?"

I nodded slowly. "You look like that a lot," I replied bluntly.

"Wait…" He paused. "That's 14." He reached swiftly for the small pile of pictures I had brought. I didn't move to stop him as he lifted up a picture of Cameron. "No…" I heard his voice crack. "No, I didn't kill him, did I?" He looked at me, pleading. "I didn't, right?"

I finally looked back into his eyes, unsure how else to respond.

Tate let go of my hand, his face collapsing. He curled his head into his knees. "He saved you! He was supposed to save you!"

"He saved me?" I asked.

Tate looked up. "I left for a second. A _second_." He shook his head. "And you managed to drown."

My throat felt dry.

"If he hadn't saved you, you would've…" Tate seemed too afraid to think about it.

"But, he kissed me…" I stated softly. "I cheated…"

"What?" Tate looked confused.

"He kissed me." I blinked, trying to stop replaying the memory.

Tate stared at me. "First." He shook his head as if I was being absurd. "He's bigger than you and you were caught extremely off guard; you couldn't have pushed him off if you tried. That was all him."

I nodded slowly.

"Second, we handled that."

"What? How?"

"I confronted him. Kicked his ass. Fair fight." Tate grinned slightly.

I stared at my shoes. "Oh." If it wasn't Cameron, then it must've just been me. _I'm the darkness. _

"Where have you been, Lily?" He wiped his eyes.

"Hiding." The answer was simple.

"Hiding?" He came closer, putting a hand on my knee.

I jerked away quickly. "You never looked for me." My tone was harsh, biting. "I died in 1994, and you never once even called out my name." I laughed slightly. "Except in your sleep, I guess."

"That's almost 24 years, Lil… Why now?"

I didn't answer for what felt like hours. I had to find the response myself. _Maybe because every time I closed my eyes, the first thing I saw wasn't the murders, it was you fucking Violet. _I Started cutting, then killing. Then I got it, right? Tate would be the only one who would get it. The anger. The gore. It wasn't a foreign idea to him. It had been over a year since I started talking to Violet. Time was iffy, though. Until I got the computer last Halloween, I hadn't even realized how close I really was to quarter of a century. Maybe it was knowing he'd never get over Violet. Maybe that's why the voices started, so I could face that I was going to be alone….

The sun was setting when I finally responded. Our eyes were both red-rimmed, whether it was from tears or sleep deprivation I didn't know. Our skin was paler than usual; we had been in that room for so long. My voice made him jump. "Because you drove me crazy."

"I did?"

"Yes." I didn't hesitate. "I've never been so angry…" I took a breath, collecting myself. "You and Violet…" I didn't finish, for fear the tears would come.

"Then why didn't you come to me?" Tate demanded. "If I'd have known…"

I rolled my eyes. "Because I'm the darkness, Tate!" He silenced. "You were so angry!" I stood, beginning to pace. "It was me, wasn't it?"

Tate looked at me softly. "No, Lily…"

"I knew something was wrong!" I snapped. "But, I _liked _it. I've loved everything you've ever done. The murders and the anger and the voices!" I beat my fist on the wall.

Tate stood quickly, coming to my side. "You hear voices?"

I bit my lip. Fuck.

"Lily, it has you, doesn't it?" Tate gently put a hand on each of my shoulders. "Lily, you gotta know it's not us. It's this house."

I didn't look at him. He gingerly ran his fingers along my left arm. After a long moment, he cleared his throat. "Is this how you died?"

I felt my gut clench. He still didn't remember…

"I know me and you, we talked about the cutting…" He lifted my arm, staring at his name, permanently etched into my skin by some spell. "But, you never did." He shook his head. "You bled out from this, didn't you?"

I shook my head slowly, turning back to look at him.

"_Tate, we can run." I pleaded. "I don't want them to take you… We can make it out of here, Tate." _

_He chuckled slightly. "You'd run away with a serial killer?"_

He took my hands in his. "How then?" He watched as I lost his eye contact, gazing over his shoulder. "You can tell me, Lily."

"_Mass murderer," I corrected without thinking._

_His dark eyes met mine in a glare. "What?" His tone cut into me._

"_Serial killers are different places…" I continued. I wasn't afraid, he had to know that. "Tate, please. Just come with me. Before they find you."_

"_Suppose we leave and it happens again." Tate shrugged, tucking the gun he held under his pillow and turning to face me. _

"_Then, we'll run again." _

"_Suppose next time it's you." _

He lifted both of our hands to the side of my face. "Please don't cry, Lily."

I stared at him, trying to force the memories and emotions back inside. _And he dies weak and alone._ Tate needed to know; he needed to know he didn't die alone.

_That was it. That was the answer I was looking for, wasn't it? "I trust you." I shrugged. "I'm not scared." _

_He stared me down for a long moment, and then laughed slightly. "You never are, are you?" He smiled a genuine smile, and the anger disappeared from his eyes. He stood and came towards me. "Alright, let's go then."_

_I brightened completely, wrapping him in my arms. "It's gonna be okay." _

_He pressed his lips to mine for a long moment. _

I took Tate's hands and pulled them to my collarbone, slowly forming his fingers around my neck.

I dropped my hands back to my waist and stared at him. "It's gonna be okay…"

_The Tate that pulled away from the kiss wasn't the right one. "Yeah, it is gonna be okay." _

_Before I could react, his hands were wrapped around my neck, my windpipe blocked off._

His eyes darted back and forth slightly, as if he was trying to read something buried in my expression. He looked at his own hands, then back at my face. Then, back to his hands, horror taking over his expression. "No…"

I showed no expression. No words escaped my lips.

"No, no, no!" He screamed, pulling away. "No!"

"Tate, it's okay…" I assured, reaching out for him.

He stopped me. "NO!" he began to back towards the door, shaking his head.

I stepped towards him again. "Tate, I-"

He squeezed his eyes shut, covering his ears. "Go away, Lily!"

I fell to my knees as I reappeared in the basement.

_It hurt. Everywhere. My whole body refused to shut down, trying to continue pumping without oxygen. _

_He finally let go and I fell to my knees before him. "See? It's gonna be okay."_

_I swallowed a few times before stating, "I love you." And I meant it. _

_He stepped towards me, and it was done in a moment. I fell completely to the floor. It wasn't immediate though. My body refused to give up at such a sudden move. _

_As I lay dying, Tate had left me there. _

I started to cry, alone in the basement. "I know it wasn't you, Tate…" I whispered.

No one heard me.

xxXXxx

_That's the way the human mind works.__Whenever something is too unpleasant, too shameful for us__to entertain, we reject it.__We erase it from our memories.__But the imprint is always there…_ (Understanding-Evanescence)

It had been days since I had seen Tate. I had been wandering blindly, knowing too well that if he didn't want to be found, no one would find him. I understood shame, I understood guilt. It was ironic, really. The tables had turned, and now he was drawn into the shadows.

I had stood in the basement many a time, calling out to him. Begging him to come back.

He wasn't coming back.

I finally found myself at the island again, watching the faucet drip. I had manufactured it myself, turning the knob just right.

"Oh. Miss Lily." Moira bounced me out of my thoughts. However, her tone was smug. "Not off with that boy?"

I furrowed my brows. "What?"

"What, do you think it's all some big secret?" She began to fold the towels on the counter, her movements sharp and precise. "The whole house heard his and Violet's screaming match. Not to mention the scene the two of you made in the hallway."

"What's your issue?" A nerve was tweaked. Now was not the time for sarcasm.

She didn't respond for a long moment, finishing her folding and gathering the towels back into her arms. She turned to face me finally. "So, is it as perfect as you'd hoped? A boyfriend who doesn't even recall being with you?" She began to head towards the door. "Must be nice."

It clicked quickly. _"I wrote it all in a book and hid it. I didn't mean for it all to go away."_

"Where's the book, Moira?" I asked without turning around.

"Book, Miss Lily?" She didn't turn around either. I saw the reflection of her back as she tensed.

I stood, facing her. "I don't think I mentioned Tate forgetting me." Tate had told me that he couldn't find the book, no matter where he looked. "So, how would you know? I doubt you've been spending time with Beauregard."

She looked like prey, caught in the crossbeams of a predator.

"I think, maybe, you _personally_ assured Tate wouldn't have a chance to remember once he tried to forget." I stepped in close beside her. "Huh, Moira?"

She looked at me, shakily replying, "Perhaps he didn't deserve to remember you."

I grinned. I had her in my claws. "What happened?"

She shook her head. "He killed you, and just shoved you under a bed, tucking everything away. And, with all of your hiding nonsense, I thought it best he never found you again."

"Where's the book?" I demanded harshly.

Moira shrugged. "I gave it to those little girls. I assume it was burned."

Inside, something snapped. My pictures may have helped him, but his words could've helped me. "What made you the person in charge of that?" I shouted.

Moira threw down the towels, turning back to me. "Because I know what's best!" She screeched. She pointed a finger in my face. "I've been here, cleaning up your messes and picking you up when he threw you down for YEARS. And he got rid of you after 8 months!"

I took a deep breath, walking away from her towards the staircase. "Stay away from me from now on, Moira." I began my way up the stairs. "We all know I never asked for your help."

She hastily fell to her knees to re-gather her towels as I disappeared onto the second floor.

I knew that my anger wasn't about to just dissipate. More than ever, I wished Tate would return soon. He was the only one that could help, would care.

Suddenly, a pair of arms was roughly around me, halting my track down the hallway.

I blanched, trying to pull away. "Get off me!"

Whoever it was quickly pressed a rag over my mouth.

I started to scream.

"Shhh, shhh…" It was an unfamiliar male voice. "We've already got your boy, nobody else is coming for you."

I began to feel myself losing consciousness. They had Tate? If they did, this was a very different story. The man who held me was much bigger than me; there truly was no point in fighting.

"_I'm not scared."_

"_You never are, are you?"_

In that moment, as I let myself fall unconscious, I let go of fear. Of doubt. Whatever was on the other side of this sedation, I was ready to face it.

_What happens, happens. You're dead, Lily. There's no where to go but up._

I let myself succumb to the darkness.

xxXXxx

"I'm surprised you didn't put up a fight."

My eyes blinked open, meeting the insanely large brown ones that I had become accustomed to.

I quickly collected the sensations around me. Someone's back was warmly pressed up against mine. A gag was tight in my mouth, and my hands were bound behind my back. Violet's fingers held my hair back in a vice grip.

Violet smirked, pulling the gag down around my neck. "Hey, sunshine."

And instinct kicked in, and my fingers splayed out, touching a set of knuckles behind me. A pair of fingers felt mine.

"Hey, Vi." My throat was chapped, my voice rough. I grinned slightly. "How's it hanging, bestie?"

The chuckle behind me made Violet's façade falter slightly for a split second.

"You look great. Here, let's take a pic." Violet turned. Pulling her face beside mine, she held up a camera. "Smile!"

The flash made me blink, but as I did, I noticed the small crowd gathered in the opening to the next room.

"You like it?" Violet shoved the camera screen in my face.

I let out a laugh. "Oh, look, Tate." I turned a mischievous glare up to Violet. "It's me and Vi-Vi."

I felt him laugh behind me. My fingers intertwined with his tightly.

Violet maintained her crazy bitch routine pretty well. "We're gonna take a lot of pictures tonight." She turned off her camera and tucked it into the pocket of her cardigan.

'That's good." I nodded. "I like pictures."

"Not these kinds of pictures." She smirked and shook her head.

"Are you kidding?" My fingers moved, finding the knot in Tate's bindings. I draw those kinds of pictures in my sleep."

I pulled at his bindings, and his head turned, his check brushing my shoulder.

"Don't touch him!" Violet screamed, pulling me forward by my hair.

My chin hit the concrete hard, and I bit my cheek, In a moment, I tasted blood in my mouth. Before I could react further, my gag was retightened and three sets of hands lifted me from the ground.

I finally saw Tate, tied identically to me. His eyes met mine as two men grabbed him: the cheater and the guy who had cheated on Constance, who I had never been told whether he was Tate's father or not.

I tried to pull away. This wasn't fair. Thos men were bigger than Tate. I could've easily torn from Violet. Two sets of hands I escaped from, but one held strong, gripping my shoulders in a way that also pressed hard against my collar bone.

The absolute fear in Tate's eyes made me still. His gaga muffled a mix protests and screams. I knew, staring back at him, that this wasn't for his own good. He was afraid for me. As strong as I was, three on one, the one being tied, was practically an impossible feat.

"Say goodbye to your girlfriend," the cheater taunted, pulling down the gag.

"Violet you're a coward!" Tate screamed. "You face me, don't you touch her!"

I remained calm, trying to look strong in my gaze. I pulled toward him again and the strong pair of hands only kept me in place. They must be a man's… Perhaps Chad, the cheater's poor victim.

"Don't you touch her!" Tate was crying now. I felt myself ache, struggling to get myself free. "This isn't fair, Violet!"

The hands lifted me, now gripping around my stomach. My feet weren't touching the floor. I began to kick backwards, looking for a crotch shot.

"Lily, I'm sorry!" Tate screamed as they began to pull me into the next room. "Lily, I'm sorry I did it!"

I stilled, staring at him.

Suddenly, the door to a nearby closet was opened. "Lily, I'm sorry!"

I finally spit out my gag. "Tate, I forgive you. You know I always forgive you."

"Violet, leave her alone!" Tate was sobbing. "Lily!"

I was thrown into the closet, my knees scraping roughly on the cement as I landed.

The door slammed. Complete darkness and silence other than the breathing whatever size crowd was packed in here overtook me.

I heard the sound of a match being struck, the flickering light breaking through, along with Violet's voice.

"Let's get down to business."


	15. Chapter 15

**AUTHOR'S WARNING: As often happens in this story, this chapter is rather violent/disturbing. If at any point you feel exceptionally bothered by it, feel free to stop reading and message me for a summary without any graphic images. **

**Note: This chapter is uploaded at 111 reviews, which I think is cool. **

**ALSO, real Cameron says hi! *wave wave wave***

The sedatives wore off quickly.

It was white hot, the pain. Just below my collarbone, worse than the pain of getting it done, they continued to slice away the skin that my tattoo lay on. I had lost count of how many times they had done it, how many times I had bit my still bleeding cheek.

"You like that?" Violet demanded.

I laughed slightly, coughing as I did. "Yeah. I do."

The room was dark aside from the one candle. I knew Violet was in the room, however, neither of the other two spoke. When they came towards me, the shine of their knives distracted from their faces.

I will not scream. I will not cry.

My hands were still bound, but now they were above my head. My toes just barely touched the floor, my shoulders taking a beating from the strain.

I closed my eyes as they came in again, slicing at the mere-seconds-ago healed skin once again.

"_Lily!" _

_I glanced up from where I sat, reading Othello for the millionth time. _

"_Why aren't you in the water?" Missy questioned, giggling as she noticed Tony staring at her in her pink two piece. _

_I shrugged. It was embarrassing enough knowing at 16 I wasn't able to swim without having to share it with everyone. _

"_Did you even bring a suit?" Missy questioned. _

_I shook my head, turning back to my book._

I let out a breath as they stopped cutting.

Violet let out an aggravated shout. "Scream, dammit!" She kicked at me.

"Oh, you'd like me to scream?" I questioned, feeling the blood drip down my bare chest, leaving tracks in the dried splatters that already rested there. "You should've said something. I thought we were playing the quiet game." I couldn't locate her in the darkness, so I focused on the smallest shadow. "You were doing very poorly."

Suddenly, the pain was spread across my face, the unfamiliar feeling of hot wax burning at my skin.

I closed my eyes quickly enough to spare them. I spit out the wax. "Man, poor Larry," I groaned.

I heard Violet sigh heavily. Now the room was dark- she had wasted the candle.

"Lily, you leave me no choice."

"Lilian," I corrected, finally able to safely blink my eyes open.

"Oh?"

I nodded, but realized that was no good. "You can't see, but I'm nodding."

"Oh, we can see you just fine."

"Right." I wasn't about to play her games.

"Hey, Violet, does your father know what you're doing?" I asked, seeing the few moments in which no one was moving as an opportunity to converse.

She didn't reply.

"Or is he down here?" I stared down, listening to the three sets of vital signs. "Benjamin?"

"Of course he doesn't know!" Violet snapped.

"Oh, Vi." I tsked. "You really should have permission for such-"

"Be quiet." Something was pressed over my mouth and nose. No drugs this time, just blockage of my airway.

I tried to keep as still as possible. It was just a bit of suffocation, no worry.

I will not scream. I will not cry.

I felt the feeling again. My body tried to continue on with air, causing more pain than it was worth. I was a fighter, I supposed.

Whatever it was over my face was pulled away, and without intending to, I gasped for air.

After mere seconds of catching my breath, I was covered again. This time felt like much longer, however I couldn't be sure if that was just my interpretation.

It was pulled away and I began to cough, trying to catch up. I was beginning to lose sense, as if I could feel my brain panicking.

"How about that, Lily?" Violet asked. I suddenly had the notion she was possessed, and the Devil was speaking to me.

I couldn't breathe again. I squeezed my eyes shut, knowing this would continue on.

"_What's it about?" Cameron asked after Missy left. _

"_What do you mean?"_

"_It must be a tragedy." He sat down beside me, dripping wet. "You only read the tragedies."_

_As I glanced up, I saw Tate, shirtless, diving into the water alongside Tony, a smile on his face. _

_Cameron waved his hand in front of my face. "Stop drooling, we don't have enough towels." _

_I laughed, waiting to see Tate resurface before I looked back to my book. "Othello marries this young girl and her father dies of a broken heart."_

"_That's it? That's the tragedy?"_

"_He kills her, later on, because he is tricked into believing he is being cuckolded." _

"Did you die just now, Lily?" Violet questioned.

Definitely the Devil. "Of course I didn't." My breathing was labored, and I coughed frequently. "You don't want me to."

Someone was right up against me. I tried to tell whether or not the crotch pressed to mine was a cock or not.

Finger's brushed lightly on my forearm. Suddenly, it was gripped, and I heard a snap.

It took a moment for me to feel it. When I did, I bit down hard.

I will not cry. I will not scream.

"How's that feel?" Violet shouted right in my ear. "How's it feel, you piece of shit?"

"How does it feel knowing you're going to be alone?" I replied quietly. "Forever."

My other arm was snapped just as swiftly.

I held in the pain, the panic.

"Oh, no, Lily. It's you who's going to be alone."

The cloth was put back over my face. I tried to move back away from it. The more I struggled, the faster it went, right?

"_Whoa." Cameron glanced out at Tate and Tony. "This Shakespeare guy, was he crazy?"_

_I shook my head, staring at Tate again. "Can't have been."_

_Cameron cupped his hands around his mouth. "Hey, Langdon!" Once Tate looked over, he continued. "Put some clothes on, your girlfriend is losing it over here!"_

_I slapped Cameron's arm with the book as Tate jogged over, grinning. _

"_Something wrong?" Tate asked, leaning in to kiss me. _

_I shook my head. _

_He laughed slightly. "I'm gonna go change, alright? Stay here."_

"_No, you don't… Have to…" I replied meekly._

_He held up wrinkled hands. "I'm pruning anyway." And he disappeared into the lake house._

Both of my arms were still fractured, causing even the slightest bit of adjustment painful.

When it was let go, I gasped in a breath quickly before replying. "Do you like pictures of crime scenes?"

"What?" I had gotten her, confusion lacing her voice.

I was being suffocated again, unable to continue on with my point.

The moment I was let go, I proceeded. "Crime scene photos." I grinned to myself. "Like the one of Tate's room after he died."

"Why would that be a crime scene?" Here was innocent Violet, curious and naïve like any other 16 year old girl.

I started to laugh. "Where the hell have you been?"

My laughter was stopped abruptly as I was deprived of oxygen yet again.

_I watched Missy whispering in Tony's ear. Cameron had gone back in the water or off somewhere or something and Tate was in the house somewhere. _

_Tony looked over at me. _

_I sighed and put down the book, heading towards the edge of the dock. "What's up?"_

"_Not much." _

_In a moment, I was under water. It happened so quickly, I didn't even have the chance to react, to kick to the surface, anything. I panicked, and quickly found myself far below, the only thing to breathe was water._

Someone gripped my knee and pressed it in. It all to easily popped out of its place.

I closed my eyes as the cloth was put over my mouth again.

I will not cry. I will not scream.

_It became dark quickly. I inhaled too much water, sank too deep… _

_I was suffocating._

"You know Tate killed me, right?" I asked once I was released. "Where do you think he did it?"

"You mean…" Violet seemed hesitant, unhappy.

"We died together, Vi." I shook my head. "Unlike you. You died alone."

"I did not!" Violet snapped back into her psychotic game. "He was with me!"

"After you took the pills," I whispered. "You and a dead boy."

"He was _there_."

"Sweetie, don't you understand how death works?" I swallowed, still recovering from the chronic sporadic suffocation. "The real Tate is in the ground somewhere." It gave me chills to think about, but I stifled them. "Rotting since November 18, 1994."

I almost expected the pain of the blade, deep within my gut. My breath caught in my throat.

This wasn't just some kitchen knife. This was a huge blade; I could feel it as she twisted it around inside of me.

I coughed and out came blood and other such goop.

"Hey! You didn't say anything about stabbing anyone!"

Travis? No, it couldn't be. Travis was a good guy, always helpful to anyone. He played with those girls…

"Travis?" I forced out, still managing to speak with most of my insides destroyed.

"I…" He seemed upset, nervous. "I wash my hands of this." His statement was final.

The moment he cracked the door, I heard it. The agonized screaming that I had promised myself I would never hear.

"TATE!" I screamed to him, breaking one of my rules instantly.

I watched as Travis slipped away, and the door was shut.

"So, that's it?" Violet asked. "That's how we get to you?"

I couldn't speak, as I was finally choking on my own blood.

"Well, let's get her out then, huh, Vi?"

Hayden. How could I have missed it? Of course she'd have been helping. She'd dug herself out quicker than I had expected, honestly. However, I suppose crazy is quite persistent.

"Get that knife out before she dies."

I believe it hurt more coming out than it had going in.

We sat in silence as I slowly healed. Then, hastily, my shirt was pulled back over my head and I was released from my dangling position.

I was dragged towards the door.

"No, please." I felt myself panicking. I couldn't do it, I couldn't. "Please!"

"That's what I wanted to hear." Violet laughed as she opened the door.

It was silent, surprisingly. Hayden and Violet held me tightly, dragging me on my knees.

In the next room, Tate was on his knees, unbound, silent. His head hung low.

"Tate, we've got a present for you."

He looked up slowly. The eyes that were always a comfort to me, no matter what emotion they showed, were now dead. Empty and vacuous. "Lily…" His voice was hoarse, but equally monotone. "Where'd all that blood come from?"

I tried to pull away, but was quickly met with the white hot pain of a knife slicing at my skin again.

Tate winced. A tear slipped down his cheek.

"Keep going with whatever you were doing to him."

Tate tensed.

The cheater came towards him and swiftly, too swiftly for me to react, snapped Tate's neck.

"No!" I screamed as he fell to the ground.

"Don't worry, he isn't dead," the intruder stated. "Just cracked up a bit. In a lot of pain and all." He smirked at me. "Rules are we don't kill. Not yet."

In a few moments, Tate began to get up again. The furnace nearby was opened, and Tate was restrained.

"No, please don't!" I shouted.

The two girls held me tightly as a burning piece of something was dropped on Tate's back. His screams broke down whatever bits of sanity I had maintained. I screamed, in just as much pain.

This continued for too long, Tate's skin continuing to be burned for what felt like ages.

Eventually, his screams began to fade as his voice cracked. I found that I was crying, sobbing.

The two men disappeared, and Tate was left limp on the floor.

They returned momentarily.

I froze when I saw it in the cheater's hand. I sobered immediately. "Where did you get that?" I demanded.

The cheater grinned, pumping the shotgun. "In your little hidey hole, of course."

"That's mine, don't touch it." I felt the bile coming up my throat.

"Yours?" He chuckled. "I think not."

Tate was pulled up to his knees by the other man. He stared at me, unaware of what I was talking about.

"Give me it back!" I shouted. _Why would you do that, Lily? A_ _shotgun from ages ago, just sitting amongst your things. Really?_

The cheater shook his head, aiming the gun at Tate's shoulder.

"Tate." I focused on him alone. "Tate, just look at me, okay?"

Tate nodded, swallowing.

"It's gonna be okay…"

I heard the click and refused to close my eyes. The absolute pain that crossed Tate's face was enough to make me crumple, and his scream could've broken me. But, I was strong, for Tate. I held his gaze, through all 15 shots.

Once it was done and the gun was thrown aside, I felt the tears finally break through.

Tate was shaking as he began to heal.

I glanced up, realizing that Violet had gone. I knew she wasn't truly as sadistic as she was pretending to be.

The other man left, leaving only the cheater.

He reached over to the furnace for something else that was sticking out.

I had once laughed at the irony. Now I found the fire poker, glowing red, to be too cruel.

Tate was still shaking, lying on his stomach on the ground.

I tried to look away, but Hayden grabbed my chin and forced me to look up as the cheater pulled down Tate's pants.

I fought against her, turning my head away.

"Look at it, you sadistic freak," Hayden muttered, forcing me too look at Tate.

I squeezed my eyes shut.

Tate began to cry out in pain.

I kept my eyes shut tightly, wishing I could be somewhere else, anywhere else. I tried to think about anything else, but found, for once, that there were no memories to block this out.

They had broken me, hadn't they? They had found the one thing that would destroy me- Tate's pain.

Tate's cries ended after awhile, and I slowly opened my eyes to the sounds of him sobbing. I realized that I was crying with him. I felt limp, truly dead.

"I think she's done," Hayden stated.

"Are you sure?" Violet's voice questioned.

"I untied her three minutes ago." There was a pause. I realized that I had been wiping my face, not even realizing the freedom of my hands, not even caring. I wanted to die here, really die. Go to the nowhere place, and then to wherever came next. "Look," Hayden commanded.

She let go of me, and I merely let myself fall to the ground and lie there, sobbing away. I couldn't feel anything other than pain. All I saw when I closed my eyes was Tate staring at me, his eyes begging for help that I couldn't give.

"Lily…" Tate whispered to me.

I didn't turn to look at him. I couldn't handle it.

"Looks like Tate is still fighting…" Hayden sounded just as evil as before. I didn't react.

I felt a too familiar hand link with mine. I only cried harder.

In a moment, it was pulled away. I felt Hayden and Violet flip me over onto my back, and I watched out of the corner of my eyes as Tate was retied and pulled to his knees.

I stared at the ceiling, wishing I would be stabbed, or beaten to death. I would give anything to have that razor back in my throat.

"We're gonna have to break him, too."

Perhaps I could try holding my breath…

The cheater walked over and glanced down at me. "I can't do it if she's crying." He shook his head.

The other man stood on the opposite side of me. "I can." He looked over his shoulder. "You two can't be watching though."

"No!" Tate shouted, getting some cue that I wasn't.

I heard the two girls' footsteps fading away up the basement stairs.

The two men linked gazes, staring at each other. Then, they went to whatever work they were planning.

I stopped crying instantly once I felt my pants being undone.

"Stop it!" Tate shouted. As if they would listen to him.

I didn't understand what was happening. I was dead inside, just lying there.

"You sure you don't want to do it?"

The cheater bit his lip. "Do you think she'll cry again?"

"Look at her! I don't think she'll do _anything_ again."

The cheater sighed. "Yeah. I'll do it."

And so it was sealed. One man went to Tate to hold him still, and the other undid his own pants.

I couldn't close my eyes. I'd see Tate in pain again, as I could still hear his screams ringing in my ears.

"Lily, go somewhere else, okay?" Tate was trying to sound calm, I could tell. "Go somewhere happy. Just close your eyes and go somewhere else." He wasn't very good at it.

"Shut up!" The other man shouted, tying a gag back around Tate's mouth.

I was afraid to close my eyes. But then it hurt. It hurt like I couldn't imagine. I squeezed my eyes shut.

And I didn't see Tate in pain. I didn't see Tate at all.

I saw Cameron.


	16. Chapter 16

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sorry it took so long guys. I know, I'm terrible. I've been having a rough time and haven't gotten the chance to work on this... Hope you like it though! I have the next few chapters planned out, they should come quickly. BIG THINGS ARE GOING TO HAPPEN. **_

_Get off of me! Please! I'll do anything you want! **Please!**_

I refused to open my eyes. Cameron flooded my mind, images assaulting it. I let the relief flow in, memories of my best friend, stretching all the way back to preschool.

_What do you want? Get off me! Do it to him, **he **did it! He's a sociopath!_

I may have been screaming, but my mind was laying itself into a state of calm. Everything was alright. I was with Cameron. I felt his hand tight in mine.

_Please! Let me go, **please**…_

I would do anything to make it stop. To be free of this. If I could just die…

_Do whatever you want to him! Just **please **let me go!_

But, it wasn't about dying. It was about regretting. Regretting the day I let some stupid blonde maniac run my life.

_I'll kill him, okay? I'll make him go away! I'll do it!_

I could do it, right? Just rewind time, go back to that night, and kill him. Wrap my hands around his neck until he went blue, until those lips stopped moving.

Then, I'd be safe. Happy. I would do it, and leave him in the cold. I could just go back inside and let Cameron tell me whatever he had had to tell me. Show me what he had wanted to.

No one would have to die, once I killed him.

_Tate, I'll tear you apart you goddamned mother fucker! I'll rip you to pieces! Fuck you! I'll send you to hell where you belong!_

I could burn this house down, too. Save a few lives. No more psychos.

Everyone lives happily ever after. Marry Cameron. White picket fence. 2.5 kids. He works days. I could be a novelist, write a book about a kid who killed the only one who ever loved him. Simple. Easy.

I flinched at the image of Cameron, wiping at red eyes last Halloween.

Against all better judgment, my eyes flew open.

Today was Halloween. A certain red-headed boy would be standing out on the lawn, calling out for me. 24 years, like clockwork.

And goddammit, he could hear me scream.

"Cameron!" I screamed, beginning to struggle against the cheater. "CAMERON, HELP ME!" My throat was dry as hell from all my begging, but somehow I found the nerve to scream louder than I ever have. "CAM!"

There was a thundering down the steps. The cheater froze, caught off guard by the wide-eyed ginger.

It still hurt. He was still inside of me. I took advantage of his surprise, freeing my hands and shoving him backwards with all of my strength.

I immediately regretted it, letting out a whimper as the force ripped him out of me. I rolled onto my side, curling into myself.

Cameron was on the cheater in a moment, fury in his gaze as he began to beat him.

The man holding Tate had let go of him, dropping him onto the hard concrete. In a moment, he had dashed out the door.

Tate was a crumpled blonde mess, tears streaking his face. However, in a moment, he had freed himself of his binds and was upon me. "Lily, are you-"

"Don't touch me!" I snapped.

His eyes bore into mine, and he quietly reached down, redoing my pants.

The cheater was begging for mercy. I slowly got up, watching Cameron punch him in the face, drawing blood. Tate remained immobile, only his eyes following me and I went to Cameron's side as he was straddled over the man, repeatedly assaulting his face.

I grabbed Cameron's bloodied fist as it drew back again. He looked up at me.

I glared at the man underneath me. "Was that fun for you?" I demanded. "Now you can call all the kids from high school, tell them how much pussy you got?" I crouched down. "Fag, right? That's the scientific term? Filthy, disgusting faggot?" It was as if my tongue was cursed. I had snapped again, hadn't I?

The cheater looked terrified.

"Cameron, get off of him," I commanded.

Cameron slowly did so, still seething.

"Listen, _Patrick_, this is what's going to happen. I'm going to get you back. Exact my revenge, if you will." I smirked as his eyes widened. "But, I'm not going to do it today. Or tomorrow. Or next week." I shrugged. "Who knows when I'm going to do it?"

Cameron laughed beside me.

I spat on Patrick. "Get the fuck out of my sight."

The grown man dashed away from a group of teenagers faster than I could imagine.

Cameron seemed to collect himself, putting a hand on my shoulder. "Lily, what can I do?"

Before he could react, I pulled him towards me and stood on my tiptoes to press my lips to his.

I felt my whole body relax as he wrapped his arms around me, holding me closely. _Look at you, you really have lost it. I'm sitting right here, you know. Watching you do this. Again. _

I ignored the voice scratching at my mind and continued to kiss Cameron.

_Lily! _Missy's voice broke through. _What about Tony? If he's off with that bitch, you have to do something!_

I pulled away from Cameron gently, looking at him intently, a hand still on the back of his neck. "Where's Anthony?"

"That girl, Violet. She came out this morning, and said that you and Tate were too busy with each other to come out…" Cameron glanced slightly at Tate. "I didn't believe her. He did."

I pulled away from Cameron, turning to Tate. "Tate, go to your mother's and get that psychic, alright?"

Tate looked up at me, tears still falling from his eyes. "What?"

I stepped towards him, gripping his collar and pulling him up roughly. "Violet has Tony. Go to your mother's and get the medium, if you can _handle_ that."

"Lily, you just got… attacked." Tate swallowed. "I think we should get you cleaned up or something…"

"Tate! This is your mess! Cam and I are going to get Tony, and you're going to get the medium!" I shouted at him.

"My mess?" Tate shrunk away from me.

"That's your psycho running around out there," I hissed. "You killed Tony. The least you can do is save him." I turned on my heel and began up the stairs, Cameron close behind me.

"Lily, you know you're covered in blood, right?" Cameron asked quietly as we headed out the back door.

I shrugged. "It's Halloween, isn't it?"

Cameron nodded. "They headed towards the school I think…"

I let out a breath. "Of course they did."

I broke into a run. It would be exceptionally difficult to go back to Westfield, especially now that school would probably be out of session. _How long had we been in that basement?_

At some point, Cameron caught up to me. "Hey, Lil?"

I looked at him as we ran down the streets.

"Why'd you kiss me? If you don't mind me asking. I more than understand if you don't want to talk about it…"

"Good." I pushed myself to run faster. I could see the school as we quickly approached it.

I didn't hesitate when I didn't see Tony or Violet outside, plunging through the front doors of the school.

"Tony!" Cameron shouted behind me. "Tony, where are you?" His voice echoed through the empty building.

I felt my stomach twisting, dread over taking me.

Cameron's voice rose. "Tony!"

"ANTHONY!" I screamed, running down the closest hallway, knowing exactly where he was, while simultaneously hoping my hunch was wrong.

"Lily, don't go that way!" Cameron exclaimed, but it was too late as someone stepped out of the shadows and grabbed me.

I was soon caught of guard by three other students, all pushing me to the ground.

"Look who showed up."

"The monster's bitch."

"Oh, how cute, she's covered in blood."

"We've been waiting a long time for one of you to show up."

"Would've preferred him."

"But, you're good enough."

I didn't recognize any of them. I pushed against the two boys that pinned me down. "Let me go!"

The group laughed.

Cameron was there in a moment. "Let go of her!" He tore them away from me, pulling me off the ground and tight into his own arms. "The lot of you are pathetic. You all know Tate Langdon is the one you're after." He glowered at them, holding me close.

"C'mon Cam, we all know she's the reason he did it!"

Cameron didn't cover my ears in time. I swallowed. Nothing like coming back to high school to ruin your self esteem.

"What the hell's going on here?"

I ripped away from Cameron. "Tony!" I squealed, taking him in my arms. "You're okay!"

Tony didn't take his arms off the other kids. "You're bothering her again?"

"Man, she's just as much a killer as he is!"

Tony wrapped his arms around me defensively, Cameron flanking him. "Why don't you all go back to the drawing board and fight someone your own size?" He spat. "Hiding up in this damn school, and you attack a little girl? You're all pathetic."

Cameron's eyes burned. "Why don't you just take the responsibility? You treated the poor kid like crap, and he snapped." Cameron stepped towards them. "Raise your hand if you ever took the time to ask him how he was, or invite him to any of your stupid parties?"

There was no response. "Yeah, and how many of you so much as noticed him and Lily before you died?"

Cameron raised an eyebrow. "Exactly. So, fuck off."

Once the four had disappeared, I pulled away from Tony. "Where is she?" I demanded.

A figure stepped out of the shadows. "Who? Me?"

Violet had the innocent look on her face. This wasn't going to go well.

Tony stepped towards her and moved as if to wrap his arm around her. I gripped him quickly and pulled him back.

"What the fuck, Lily?" Tony demanded, rubbing his arm.

Violet tilted her head. "Lily, how did you get so much blood on you?" He voice oozed cluelessness.

Cameron leaned in to Tony and began to whisper in his ear. As he did, Tony's eyes widened, and he stepped away from Violet fearfully. "Oh my god, you crazy bitch!" He exclaimed.

Violet's innocent look disappeared and she lunged at me. In a moment, I was regretting my small size once more as she had the upper hand, my hair in her fists as she slammed my head on the concrete floor.

Tony and Cameron had her up and off me in a moment. I recovered quickly, standing to face her as she screeched and squirmed in their arms.

I stared at her. She stilled suddenly, a grin stretching across her face.

And she was gone.

Tony and Cameron nearly fell due to her absent support. I stepped back, shocked.

"She's not supposed to be able to do that." I shook my head, looking around. "It's Halloween, she's not supposed to be able to disappear like that."

xxXXxx

I sat quietly on the floor in the house, watching Tony pace out of the corner of my eye.

Cameron sat at the foot of the stairs, anxious. "When's he coming back?" He asked.

I didn't respond. My nerve had died out. _Hush, crazy Lily…._

The front door swung open and Tate stepped in. "Lily?"

I let his eyes connect with mine, not replying to him.

Tony stopped, glaring at Tate. "You broke her, didn't you?"

Tate shut the door behind himself, looking annoyed. "You can't _break _a person, Anthony."

"Oh, really?" Tony got in Tate's face. "Is that what you thought when you killed her?" He demanded. "Oh, I can't _break _Lily, so I'll just snap her neck." Tony shoved Tate.

Tate looked to me for defense. When I didn't offer it, Tony continued. "You know, Tate, I don't think I ever quite got the chance to _thank you _for a lovely senior send-off." He shoved Tate harder this time, causing the blonde to careen into a nearby china cabinet.

I barely flinched. I saw anger cross Tate's face, chuckling slightly as he then charged at Tony.

Cameron stood as if to go break them up. I stuck out a hand, signaling he leave them. I got up, gesturing up the stairs.

As the two of us began our way up to the second floor, the two boys begin to wrestle behind us.

"Lily!" Tate exclaimed.

I turned slightly. "Confront him. Kick his ass. Fair fight." I shrugged. "Right, Tater tot?"

Tate pulled away from Tony. "Lily, I think you need a break or something."

"No, Tate. I have to save my house." I spun to face him.

"_Your _house?"

"Yes. _Mine._" I descended to stand before him. "This is where my family is, this is my house!"

Tate didn't respond.

"So, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go take care of something while I wait for _someone _to help me get that bitch away from my house! Take a beating for once, Tate. What would you do to the guy who killed your girlfriend?" I returned up the stairs. "Go for it, Tony."

Cameron's feet were close behind me as I continued to the third floor. "Lily, are you okay?" He whispered.

I shook my head, reaching up for the attic latch. "Listen, Cameron, I need your help with this. But, you've got to promise me something."

"What is it?" He glanced at the unopened hatchway.

"Don't act scared of him." I took Cameron's chin so he had to look me in the eye. "He's just a baby…"

I flipped down the hatch, and as expected, Beau was peering down at me.

"Play!" he exclaimed.

Cameron started, stepping away.

I took his arm and pulled him back.

"Lily!" Beau reached out for me.

I began up the ladder, making sure Cameron followed. "I brought a friend, Beau. We've got a big thing to do today." I smiled at Beau as Cameron cautiously stepped into the attic.

Beau sat down, clapping his hands. "Play with friends!"

"Just a minute, Beau." I lifted Beau's chain and followed it to where it was latched to the ground. "Cameron, help me."

Cameron stood across the attic, looking at Beau with apprehension.

I dropped the chain and sighed. "Beau, say hi to Cameron." Beau jumped up happily and leapt towards Cameron, embracing him. Caught off guard, Cameron fell backwards. After a moment though, he was laughing, playfully wrestling Beauregard.

I picked up the chain. "Now, come on, Cameron. Beau's not staying another day in this stupid attic…"

xxXXxx

I made sure to check the foyer for any bloodshed before bringing Beau downstairs.

"TATE!" I shouted. "Come here!" I held Beau's hand tightly, as he seemed unsure on his feet.

Tate rounded the corner, freezing when he saw us. "Beau?" His face brightened. "Beau, you're downstairs!"

The two brothers bound towards each other and met in the middle of the foyer, tackling each other to the ground.

I laughed.

Tony and Cameron both stepped beside me, and we watched as the two brothers, for the first time in a long time, freely enjoyed themselves.

There was a knock at the front door. I darted to get it, Tate still excitedly observing his newly freed brother.

The woman I had met last Halloween, Billie Dean, stepped in quickly. "We don't have much time left to-"

She stopped violently mere inches into the front hall, her eyes widening.

Tate stopped what he was doing and turned to look at her, dread flashing across his eyes. "What is it?"

I shut the door behind her, waiting for a response.

She spun to face me, pointing. "It doesn't like you."

"What?" I felt my stomach drop, my voice weak.

She shook her head, rubbing a temple. "Oh, no. This house _hates _you." She looked around, as if listening for something. "It wants you gone."

**RANDOM QUESTION: Draco Malfoy or Tate Langdon? **


	17. Chapter 17

**_Oh, how it's been so long, we're so sorry we've been gone, we were busy writing songs for you..._**

_Yeah. It's been forever. I am very sorry. I'm having a hella rough time lately, and just haven't gotten the chance to sit at it and go for it. I have a lot of the rest of the story planned out, so we've got a little while before we have to say ado. _

_Without further hesitation, here is the 17th installment of Let Me Love My Killer. _

**TATE LANGDON POV**

I felt hollow. Lily's screams were echoing around inside of me, scraping at my insides like glass.

It just didn't make sense. There was no logic. A gay guy had climbed on top of her and violated her beyond belief. And the worst part, Lily was put through that torture to harm me. The job had been done to tear me apart, with no regard for the girl I would lay my life down for.

I didn't care that her screams had turned to threats against me. I didn't care that she had kissed the first man that had rescued her, the boy who had been picking up my slack for years. I didn't care that she had let Tony kick my ass, something that I did deserve. I _didn't care_ that she was hectic and irritable and snapping at me every time I opened my mouth. It didn't matter. All I wanted to do was hold her, clean the blood caking her skin off, get her in a warm set of clothes, lay her down, and put this Halloween behind us.

Lily looked up at me as the medium wandered around, pulling her arm as she continued. "Lily, when did you start hearing voices?"

Lily looked back at Billie Dean. "Around when the babies were born."

"And, when did they start sounding like Tate?" The woman stopped, looking back at Lily.

I felt my skin grow cold. "What?"

Lily looked back at me for a long moment, her face emotionless. She shook her head after a silence. "They didn't."

Billie glanced back towards me and her eyes nearly popped out of her head. "You two… Jeez, why didn't I see it before?" Billie began pacing.

Lily sighed and let go, the irritation returning. "Look, whatever revelation you're having, we'll hear it tomorrow. _Today_ I'd like Violet out of my house."

Billie seemed greatly affected by the authority in Lily's voice. "It may possibly be as simple as that, dear."

"As what?" Lily and I asked in unison.

"Lily has some pull around here… She freed Beau from his stationary confinement. Who's to say she can't keep Violet out?"

As she was saying that the front door opened, Ben and Vivien entering with groceries and the baby. It was getting late, the sun setting outside.

"Keep Violet out?" Vivien asked, a questioning look crossing her face.

Billie looked like a deer caught in headlights.

"Lilian, what the hell happened to you?" Ben asked, putting down the bag of groceries and stepping towards her, putting hands on her shoulders and glaring at me.

I instinctively went to Lily, taking her in my own arms. "Your daughter happened to her," I snarled.

Cameron and Tony appeared in the doorway, Beau tailing behind them.

Ben looked Lily dead in the eye. She didn't waiver as she stared up at him.

Vivien's weight shifted as she looked at me, moving the baby in her arms. However, after a moment, her eyes widened and she stepped towards Lily. "Lilian?"

Lily's eyes flickered to Vivien, glistening slightly. Vivien had seen through the tough act somehow.

Vivien's face became serious as Lily's confirmed her hunch. "Oh no…" She shook her head and held out the baby mindlessly to whoever was closest, which wound up being Cameron. In a moment, Lily was tight in her arms. She looked to Ben. "I told you something was wrong, Ben."

"What do you mean?" Ben looked to me, as if I held the answers.

I shrugged. "Who're you to believe a couple of ASPDs?"

Ben's face grew solemn. "Tate."

"Don't scold me!" I rebutted. "Your daughter gathered an army of assholes and locked the two of us up and played torture chamber for who knows how long. The worst part? She separated us, then made us both watch each other suffer." My eyes were tearing up. "Lilian Alexandra Thistle is my entire life, Ben. And your daughter made me watch some prick rape her," I bit at him. "So, yeah, we want Violet out. I'm sorry, but _my _family comes first."

Before Ben could reply, Billie spoke up, "It's done."

All eyes turned to her.

"What is?" Vivien asked hesitantly, letting go of Lily.

"I was just saying to Lilian that barring Violet might be as easy as wanting it. When Lily said she wanted Violet out, the house responded. Tate's declaration just sealed it. Violet no longer belongs to this house."

**LILY POV**

The Harmons took the news of their daughter much better than I would have thought. Vivien was merely stuck on the fact that Ben should have done something more for her. _I told you that her stabbing someone shouldn't have been looked over! _Ben was trying to play therapist again, trying to pull me aside and ask about my mental state. Either way, nothing was accomplished. The baby started crying at some point, and hadn't stopped since.

The closer we got to midnight, the more people began to trickle in. I was a sight to see, on the steps covered in blood with Tate, Cameron, and Tony, covered in blood, clothes torn to hell.

"It's nearly midnight." Tony began to stand.

I nuzzled into Cameron. "Don't go," I murmured.

"Lily." Tony's voice was soft but scolding.

Cameron shook his head. "It's fine, Tony."

"No. We've got to go soon. I'm gonna be the one stuck with you when you're hung up on her all year." Tony's eyes were harsh as he looked at me. "Lil, you know I love you. And I get what happened today. But, truly, it's either Cameron or Tate."

I stood. "Have you got a problem, Tony?" I asked quietly.

"Do you know why we're still here, every year?"

I was silent.

"Because we don't get to leave unless we've moved on. Missy got over everything, and left. But, Cameron can't go anywhere, cuz he's still hung up on you and I can't go anywhere cuz I've gotta take care of him!"

"Tony!" Cameron snapped.

I shoved Tony backwards. "Fine! Go! I don't want you here anyway!"

Tate was up beside me in a moment before Tony rebound, nudging me behind himself.

Tony glared at him. "Don't make me hit you again, Tate."

Tate's fists clenched. "Fine. Let's go for it."

Tony raised his eyebrows. "Really? You want to do this?"

Tate nodded slowly. "You don't get to talk to Lily like that. Not today, not ever."

"Well, aren't you at least miffed by her little balancing act? She kissed Cameron this morning, say the year comes back around and she does it again?"

"That doesn't matter!" Tate shouted. "She is **not **the reason you're stuck here. It's your own damn fault that you can't move on!"

"I think there's a fully-loaded shotgun that could argue with you on that!" Tony pushed him backwards.

I caught him, preventing him from losing balance.

Shotgun. Shiny and black, hidden in my room. How did it get in my room?

I backed away as Tate stood, suddenly feeling dizzy.

"_I'll do it." _

Tony and Tate were on each other, crashing to the ground in a mixture of punches and kicks. Cameron was up in a moment, beside me, staring at them, unsure whether he should act or stay still.

"_I'll do it, Tate." The gun was cool in my hands, with a decent weight. "I'll say I did it." _

"_How can you say you did it? He saw you."_

_The man in the library was still breathing, he would probably survive. _

_I pointed the gun at his head. "I'll do it." My voice barely shook. _

_Tate took the gun from me._

The library was last, not us. How could Tate have left, how could I have walked around the school when he was still in the library?

"_I'll do it." I didn't let go of the gun. _

_Tate shook his head, pulling it closer to himself. I felt a spark of anger, and yanked it back towards myself. _

_The gun fired, hitting one of the shelves, startling me. I fell to the ground, Tate rescuing the gun from my grip. He looked livid. _

"_Lily! You could've hit one of them!" He gestured to the bodies around the room._

Had I been there? Had I watched him shoot them? Had _I _shot them?

Tate was winning the grapple he and Tony were having. Cameron still stood, frozen.

_I was crying. Begging. Tate was pulling me though the hallways, whispering reassurances. _

"_No, baby, it's okay. I promise. You're okay, alright?" He stopped and pressed his lips to my forehead._

_The gun was back in my hand, ice cold and heavier than before. _

"_I don't want them to take you." I buried my face in his chest. "I don't want you to go!"_

"_Lily, it'll be okay. You're gonna be okay…"_

Cameron finally decided to intervene, trying to pull Tate and Tony apart.

I furrowed my eyebrows, glancing back at the house. It was playing it's game again, wasn't it?

"_I'm not worried about me, I'm worried about you!" I screamed. He was already at the door, ready to leave me. _

_He looked back, and I saw the give in his eyes. He wasn't going to leave me._

_Then we were outside the house, and he was handing me the gun, telling me to hide it somewhere no one would find it. Telling me not to fire it. Telling me if I did something to myself before I got back to his room, he'd get in more trouble. _

There was a clang at the gates. I blinked a few times, washing away the confusing memories. Violet.

She was staring at the pile of boys on the ground as I approached her. Her big brown eyes looked up at me, all the hints of anger and revenge gone. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"You know why." I felt no sympathy. Every part of my body was still searing in pain.

"The house made me do it, Lily, please," she pleaded.

"The house locked you out, too." I reached through the bars and tucked a hair behind her ear. "It's a pity. I really did like being your friend."

Now her eyes looked angry. "You were only my friend for him." They flicked to Tate.

I sighed. "Violet. Would you have ever forgiven him?"

There was a long silence. "No."

"And do you think he's paid for his crimes yet?"

Violet pursed her lips. She knew what answering would me. It would mean an acknowledgement that her actions were against Tate and his betrayal.

"Violet." I twisted my hands around the bars she had hers on. "You get to go somewhere new now."

"What about my family?" She asked.

"I have a feeling they'll be somewhere new, too." I looked back at the house. "If Nora can do it, anyone can."

Violet nodded slowly. It was mere seconds till the clock began to toll, collecting the dead.

I leaned in and softly kissed her on the forehead. "It's bad luck, loving him."

She nodded slowly. "Promise me something."

"What?" I asked.

"Promise me I'll see you again, too."

The bell began to toll and she was gone before I could form a response.

I turned around to find Tate, bloodied up a bit, but alone, staring back at me.

I knew what Violet meant. _Promise me I'm not going to hell, and promise me you won't either. _

I took a deep breath and headed towards Tate. "Let's wash up, alright?" I held out a hand to him.

He nodded, taking it tightly.

I smiled slightly. "I'll bet we can both fit in that bathtub upstairs."

He laughed as we stepped inside, leaving the sunrise behind us.

Promise me we aren't going to hell.


	18. Chapter 18

Tate Langdon Point of View

Suddenly, everyone was Lily's best friend. I would barely leave her alone a second and I'd return to find someone with a shit eating grin chatting her up. It was if they thought that being nice to her would poof them out of here. Of course, now that she had banished Violet and helped Nora and Thaddeus move on, I suppose the facts were against us. If Lily could save them, why not save anyone?

We were happpy, for once. Or getting there at least.

"Tate."

I looked up, startled. I had been gradually cleaning out Lily's excuse for a bedroom, as she had been avoiding the basement like the plague.  
>"Tate, we need to talk." Vivien crossed her arms. Ben and Vivien had been getting anxious. It seemed that they had expected a quicker solution. It was nearly Christmas, and I think they had been hoping to spend the holidays with their daughter.<p>

"Vivien, I already told Ben that it isn't that easy," I began without looking up. "Lily's having a really rough time as it is."

Vivien sighed angrily. "That was my point, Tate. While you're around here playing house, Lily's losing her shit."

I dropped the pages I had been rifling through and began to crawl out of the hole. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm saying that all you've been doing is redocorating your old bedroom." Viviem glared at me. "Lily needs a lot more than some familiar scenery."

"What do you know?" I snapped.

"Well, seeing as you did the same thing to me, I'd say I was pretty much up to speed."  
>I shrank away from her and headed back towards the cellar through the crawl ways under the house. Anger was hard to fight when it came to Lily. I knew what was best for her, I had it all under control. When I finally got back up to the kitchen, where Lily sat staring up at the ceiling. Beau's shouts could be heard from wherever he was playing, echoing throughout the building. "Lily?"<p>

She blinked a few times as she looked at me, a smiling warming her facial features. "Tater tot."

"You doing alright?"

She nodded. "Yes."

I headed over to the now baren cabinets, opening a few of the doors. "Have you been talking to Vivien?"

"No, why?"

"She says you're upset." I shrugged.

"Maybe Ben said something to her."

I looked over. "You've been seeing Ben?"

"Not really. He keeps coming and talking about seeing the two of us."

"Oh." I sat across form her. "Is that something you'd want to do?"

"Apparently I'm a serial killer groupie."

"A what?"

"Like one of those pathetic broads who marries the guys in maximum security."

"Who the hell told you that?"

"Ben."

"Don't listen to him, Lily."

"Why not?"

"We've talked about this. The house manipulated us. You didn't do anything wrong." I squeezed her hand.

Lily went quiet after that. Eventually, one of the nurses meandered in, looking to suck up.

I headed upstairs to the attic, trying to find more of my old things. My hands started to shake as I rifled through. The flashes were going to come back any moment.

A girl was crying before me, begging for me not to shoot her. Kids were screaming. I had to shoot her, or else the voices would never stop. Or else she would be trapped too.

Suddenly the girl was Lily, weaping for a second chance. I started to lower my gun, stepping towards her, ready to embrace her.

But then the girl was Violet, big doe eyes glaring at me, demanding to know what the hold up was.

So, I have to shoot her.

xxXXxx Lily Point Of View

"You might as well just come in," I called out to the psychic lurking around the back door.

Billie Dean emerged slowly.

"What is it?" She looked confused. "You had something you wanted to say about Tate and I on Halloween. You've been coming by every day, just spit it out."

"oh. Well. Perhaps we could meet with the therapits at the same time?"

"He's a psychologist."

"Yes, him."

"Fine." I stood and began the trek up to Ben's office on the second floor. "Tate, Ben!"

The two appeared in the doorway, Tate's clothes and hands coated in paint. He had been trying to rid the violet from his room quite literally, returning it to it's original blue color.

Billie eagerly urged me and Tate beside each other on the couch. "Look, Ben. What do you see about the two of them?"

Ben furrowed his eyebrows. "I don't know?"

Billie sighed. "The boy has brown eyes, the girl blue. Blonde hair versus black hair. His full name is Tate Alexander Langdon and hers Lilian Alexandra Thistle. One was born in summer, the other winter."

"They're... Opposites."

"Yes!" Billie loooked ecstatic. "And you see, because Lilian reflects Tate exactly, that's why the house picked her."

"Picked her?" Tate demanded.

"Well, yes. The house had you kill her inside, did it not? At first it may have been trying to get rid of her, but then it embraced her as the woman of the house."

"That's why Nora left finally," Ben stated. "Because Lily and Tate found each other."

"Yes. And that's why Violet was able to be removed. She got in the way of Lily owning the house."

There was a long silence before I cleared my throat and questioned. "So?"

"So, if you have that kind of power over the house, perhaps you can cleanse it, free all the spirits trapped here and-"

"No," I interupted curtly. "No?" Ben asked. "It's not my fault people are stuck here. I can't help them." "No, you don't understand-"

"I do understand." I stood abruptly. "I'm not going to spend my time getting everyone else out. Where does that leave me? Alone in a big house with the friggin' anti christ next door for the rest of eternity? Not gonna happen."

"Anti christ?" Tate looked up at me.

"Yeah. The baby. It's the anti christ, ask her." I pointed at the blonde woman. "She told me when I went to see him."

"Went to see who?"  
>"The baby."<p>

"What baby?"

"Yours. Well, he's at least 8 now."

"When did you go see him?"

"When Constance asked me to."

"What?"

I shrugged. "I guess he likes me. He killed another nanny, so she brought him to the boundaries and called me over."

"Why?"

"I don't know." I could tell Tate was getting anxious.

I shrugged again. "It's not a big deal."

"What if he hurt you?" Tate snappped.

"I'm already dead." Tate put his head in his hands.

"He looks a lot like you. Blonde hair and everything." I looked over to Ben. "But he's got big eyes like Violet."

"Did Constance say anything else?" Ben asked.

"Well, it's been nearly a quarter of a century. I guess my mother keeps calling her. Constance said we should have her over. I guess something important is coming."

"Like what?" Tate reappeared. "I don't know."

"You told her not to come, right?" He asked harshly.

I shrugged. "I can't exactly stop her." "When did this happen?" Billie interjected. "A couple of days ago." I glanced at her. "Why?"

"Well, they're at the front door."

There was a knock at the door. I began towards the stairs. Tate grippped my arm. "What are you doing?"

"You heard her. This is my house."

Tate sighed. "Fine. I'm coming with you, though."

The two of us headed towards the door. Before we reached it, Constance swung it open.

"Why are we knocking at an empty house?" A dark haired woman questioned as she followed her inside.

"Oh, believe me, this house is far from empty."

Mother. This was her. I felt it just by looking at her, though it had been 25 years, though I had forgotten her appearance long ago. This was her, I just knew it.

She screamed when her eyes fell on me as I became visible. Constance merely laughed. Tate appeared beside me, stepping slightly in front of me.

"What do you want?" He snarled.

"There's someone I think you should meet."

Constance stepped aside to reveal a woman who looked to be in her twenties. She was wide eyed as she looked at Tate and I.

Tate became stiff. The girl had my hair, my lips, my skin...

But, those eyes, those eyes were his.


	19. Chapter 19

**1994**

The stench of death overtook the house. As the two teens lay in a growing pool of blood, the other souls began to phase in and out, drawn by the new arrivals. The house practically gleamed with joy at having defeated its next feast.

Meanwhile, two mothers wept openly over their slain offspring. Moira looked on in despair. She had had high hopes for Tate and Lily, hoping that each would emerge unscathed. Now, they lay in their own destruction.

"Oh, dear. This looks horrid." Nora appeared beside Moira, bringing a hand to her mouth. "She was the pregnant one, though. She was having a baby, wasn't she?"

"What?" Moira's head snapped to fixate on Nora.

"It was official, I felt it." Nora nodded solemnly and began towards the staircase in haste. "I'll get Charles, he'll know what to do!"

As she descended, a group of men were heading up, stretcher in haul. Within moments, the blonde boy was covered and lifted onto his slab, being whisked down the stairs in a cloud of EMTs and a sobbing Constance.

Before Moira could react, the doctor and his wife were pushing her aside and barging in to the room.

Lily's mother looked up, eyes wide. "Who- Who are you?"

"Charles Montegomery. I'm here to help." He knelt beside Lily's crippled corpse, placing a hand on her stomach. "Still warm… How far along was she?"

"Far along? Who are you people?"

Nora shook her head. "Not long, a few weeks."

Charles went silent, pressing his ear to Lily's stomach.

"What are you doing to my daughter?"

"Saving your granddaughter," Charles stated simply.

"Granddaughter?" Her eyes widened in shock. "Wait, you don't mean-?"

"Are you a willing vessel? We need to transfer this baby now, before it's too late."

"Vessel? What the hell are the two of you talking about?"

Nora knelt down to her level. "It's a very simple procedure, just like a cesarean. We take the baby out of her and put it in you, it grows to full term and you have a whole new daughter, good as new."

"What?" She shook her head. "That's sick and twisted!"

Nora leaned in close, wrapping an arm around Lily's mother. "Think of it more as a second chance. A new lease on parenting, a good old fashioned do over."

Lily's mother stared at the body of her daughter for an achingly long silence, then solemnly nodded. "Alright."

**LILY POV**

"You're kidding me, right?" I stared at the frail excuse for a women across the table from me. "You're telling me that a couple of absolute strangers came up to you, and you let them cut me open so you could steal my baby?"

My mother was beyond offended by now. At first she had been tearful and joyous at the reuniting with her daughter, but upon my own denial and anger towards her actions, she had grown cold and sarcastic. Her and Constance sat across from me, each nearly identical with cigarettes in hand.

"It's your own fault for getting pregnant at sixteen. Gave it up to a psychopath, didn't you? I had to do something."

I shook my head and looked away, only to find my eyes fixed on the girl again as she sat quietly staring at me. Tate looked like he was going to vomit, the color having left his face at the sight of her.

I exhaled and put my head in my hands. "Didn't my father realize this wasn't his fucking kid?"

My mother laughed. "Your father left me once he found out. Didn't quite appreciate our little miracle." She affectionately squeezed the girl's shoulder.

"I can see why, you fucking psycho," Tate bit at her.

She cackled. "Right, I save a life and I'm the psycho. If you recall, you and my slut daughter shot up your school and killed each other."

Tate stood angrily, banging his fist on the table. "Don't you dare call her that!"

My mother flinched slightly. "Don't you threaten me."

My head was swimming. The girl was some perverse thing of beauty. It had been Tate and my own creation, brought beyond death and thrown into a foreign host.

And then it spoke.

"Mom, can we go?"

In a moment, I found myself across the table, hands tight around the girl's neck. _Wrong, wrong, wrong. Destroy it. Kill it. End it._

I couldn't hear my mother's probable screaming. Constance's protests didn't faze me. All I heard was a pounding heartbeat in my head, the girl's heartbeat that I needed to stifle.

But, the girl reached back, wrapping her hands around my wrists and trying to pull me away. She struggled against me, but with compassion. She had outlived me, she should have had no problem fended me off if needed. But, she brought a hand to the side of my face, cupping my cheek. This only made me want to kill her more. I wanted to splatter her blood against the walls of the house that made her a reality. I wanted to feel her pulse go out under my grip.

"Lily!" Tate's hands were on my shoulders as he pressed himself against my back. His breath was hot on my ear as he hissed. "Lily, don't do this. If she dies here, she's stuck here, too." He gently pulled my hands away from the girl, but I never broke eye contact with her.

"Stuck?" She demanded weakly. "What do you mean, stuck?"

"These souls are stuck here, Lilith, dear," Constance spoke, exhaling smoke. "They always have been."

"Wait, so you aren't just ghosts? You're trapped in this house?"

I nodded. "My house. Get out."

Everyone was silent.

There was a crash from downstairs and a hurried set of footsteps.

"She's gone! Vivien's gone!" Ben Harmon's voice echoed down the steps.

There was a sound from the basement and Travis appeared with an excited look on his face. "Hayden, she's gone! And, and, the girls and Lorraine…"

Ben burst downstairs. "Half the second floor just disappeared."

Everyone was in the kitchen suddenly, or at least everyone left. One glance over the crowd, it was obvious what had happened.

"All the girls are gone," Billie, the psychic, stepped in. "Every matronly figure, to be exact, anyone related to the house's pursuit for a baby."

Every eye in the room was fixed on me.

"Except of course, Lily…"

xxXXxx **TATE LANGDON POV**

We had to keep a head count after a while. Every few days or so, another soul would disappear without much explanation. Billie kept coming back and telling me that Lily was the one clearing the house, but I didn't believe it. Lily was barely coherent as of late, and when she did talk to me, it was merely to lament that we were still stuck here.

It was beginning to concern me, her long bouts of silence and distant looks. She would climb in bed with me some nights, huddle close to me and shiver as if it wasn't L.A. in the middle of the summer. Then, some nights, she would crawl on top of me and we'd have the most mind numbing sex, and then wander off into the house not to be found again until morning at the least.

Then, one morning, she woke me with excitement, telling me that she wanted to play a game. We were immortal beings, she said, so we needed to act the part. For the next few weeks, she cooked dinner for the household and smiled at everyone and the two of us watched movies and held hands and it was just like high school again.

This bright blip on our radar lasted for several months, and as it lasted, no one left the house. But one morning we awoke to an empty attic and no sign of Beauregard. There was only Ben, Charles, Patrick, Lily, and I.

"Tate, you gotta get me out of here." Patrick was on his knees days before Halloween. "Please. I just want to move on."

"I can't do anything to help you," I spat back. "I have nothing to do with it."

Lily had walked in on him, crying at my feet, pleading to be let go. The next day, he wasn't around to ask again.

"Lily, are you doing this? Are you making them leave?"

"I don't know, Tate!" She snapped, slamming down the knife she has been carving into the counter with. "Why would I know? I'm just as confused as you are!"

"Well, look, let's just try something." I took the knife from her. She had been carving the words TAINT into surfaces again. "Just think about the doctor leaving. Just think about it. 

Lily took a deep breath and thought for a minute.

After a moment, she opened her eyes. "I don't think this is going to work, Tate."

"Charles?" I called out.

There came no response.

"Oh…" Lily looked down at her carving in the marble. Suddenly, she was shaking with sobs.

"What is it?" I asked in a panic. "What's wrong?" I held her face in mine.

"I don't want.." She gasped for air between tears. "You to go… Without me!"

I held her close, as I had done too many times now.

"Shh, shh. Lily, I won't I promise, okay? I won't."


	20. Chapter 20

The silence was deafening. There were no longer giggles or growls from the basement. No longer did the floor moan under the weight of anxious mothers pacing across its boards. No longer did anyone play house. There weren't enough members around to make a family. No one squirreled away groceries on Halloween. The computer bought many years ago had become far obsolete. The clothes we had worn in the early 90s were suddenly beyond retro-chic. The house was gutted for "rare antique" furniture. Ben's psychiatric practice was null and void, as the people outside grew and evolved beyond what had once been imagined, with new pills jangling in the purses of each new prospective buyer. A family would look at the empty halls once and again, with different technological waves whirring off of them, only to shrug away and leave. It was assumed between the three of souls that no one out there even knew they were living in what was a murder house. Soon, they ventured out on Halloween to find that the high school, the site of that fated tragedy in 1994, was no longer standing. The L.A. sky became more smog and yellow clouds each year. Soon, they forgot to go out on Halloween, their minds wasting away with the years.

**~Lily~**

The young boy next door grew into a man, and left his mother quite quickly. I saw him come in a suit and tie after they had carted Constance away in a body bag. He spoke firmly to movers on the front lawn, clearing the house and staking in a For Sale sign. It was fascinating to watch. No longer was he a boy with vague aspects of Tate and the woman he had raped—what had her name been again? Even with Ben wandering the house, I hadn't heard her muttered of in years. No, now this man was hardly recognizable. Perhaps if Tate had grown old, he would have looked as distinguished and driven as this man.

Before he climbed into his car, he glanced at the huge mansion beside the empty yellow house. I didn't even think to move away from the window. His eyes caught mine and he put on a professional smile and waved. I glanced behind myself, to assure that Tate still lay asleep on the floor beside my feet. Then, I looked back to the man and granted him a small flicker of my palm.

His eyes glanced over the lawn, still kept neat by some means I had forgotten. He scrunched his eyebrows at the For Sale sign and then looked back to me. I thought perhaps he would come to the door and inquire. I turned away from the window and began out of the room, the floor creaking under my feet. I padded down the stairs, feet bare.

I became excited. Perhaps the man would want to live with us, perhaps he would raise his own family in the house, and soon it would be warm and full again! I began a sprint for the door.

My path was quickly cut off as I tripped on some offending floorboard that dared to stick out before me and I landed with a thud. The house was at it again, I thought. Tripping me before I could let another guest in to keep us company. I rolled over, and saw that it had not been a mere floorboard that had tripped me. Ben stood above me, eyes vacant.

He held out a hand. "Here. Are you alright?"

I took his hand. "Yes."

When I stood, he didn't let go of my hand. Instead, he pulled me into his chest in one swoop, embracing me. "You're such a good girl, did you know that?" he pressed his lips to the top of my head.

I looked up at him, confused. "Ben?"

"Yes?" he murmured into my hair.

"Ben, look, I have to go to the door, he may want to stay-" I began to pull away, but his hand held tight to my wrist.

"He can wait." Ben swept me in again, and suddenly his lips were on mine.

It was like dissolving into a memory. Years and years ago, when Ben had laid me beside him in his bed, and I had climbed atop him in my sleep. Yet, it was foreign at the same time, a new pair of lips brushing mine, a new tongue probing for my response. The man in the front yard dissolved, Tate upstairs disappeared, and I was just a confused girl, a man's hand sliding down her pants.

But, then, nothing could really fade away, not in this house. I shoved him back violently and instantly turned back to the door, set on bringing the new man in.

His hands were on me again, roughly this time. "Come back, come on."

I pulled away hastily. "Ben, not now!"

"Yes, now, Lily!" He held her shoulders and threw her to the floor. She landed painfully on her back, her eyes immediately watering. "I've waited long enough! I want to see my kids!" He bellowed.

I merely flipped over and began to slide on my stomach for the door. I had to let the man in, had to make the house full again.

Ben's weight was atop me, yet I continued clawing the floor board, inching for the door. "Just let me go!"

~**Omniscient~**

Lily couldn't possibly reach the door with Ben on top of her, there was just no way. She filled her lungs with as much air as she could manage and began to scream.

Tate was there in a moment, pulling Ben away. 'Hey, get off of her!"

Before Ben had the chance to react, the doorbell rang, echoing through the empty halls. Ben's eyes widened and fixated on Lily.

In a second, her hand was on the door knob, ready to fling the door open and allow the new life in.

"Don't let her open that!" Ben spat at Tate.

Tate merely reached out a hand and put it on Lily's shoulder. "Wait." Lily stilled. He stepped closer, resting his chin on her shoulder. "Who's out there, my love?"

"A man who wants to buy the house."

"How do you know?" Tate murmured softly.

"He waved to me through the window. He wants to come in."

"Why would you let him in, Lily?" Ben asked. "You know what happens when people come into this house."

Lily turned towards Ben, fire burning in her eyes. "It's different now. We need to fill the house with life, I just know it."

Ben's glare narrowed. "Go back to your crawlspace, Lily. See how much life you can cook up there." He gestured around himself. "This isn't a game for you and Tate to play. These are people's lives, people who exist in a world beyond your wildest daydreams, a world we weren't meant to be a part of." He stepped away. "I'm sorry I even tried to scare you, you're fucked up enough. This house is full of death, and you've let yourself believe it isn't." He shook his head. "But, it's still here, even without everyone wandering the halls. This will always be a murder house, Lily."

Tate brought his arms around Lily, as if he could protect her from Ben's words. "I think it's time you leave, Ben."

The doorbell rang again, drawing Lily's eyes to the door once again. Tate glanced at her for a moment before looking back to Ben.

But, Ben wasn't there to look back to. The floorboards were creaking above, but the house felt different. Now it was only the two of them.

The door was quickly forgotten as Lily bound on bare feet throughout the house, calling Ben's name. It was obvious within minutes that ben had indeed left for good.

Lily was laughing with joy at the top of the stairs. "Tate! You did it!"

"Did what?" He looked up at her with confusion.

"You made Ben leave!" She scurried down the stairs and into his arms, pressing quick kisses on his mouth. "You told him to leave and now he's gone!"

Tate was laughing, too, once he realized what she was getting at.

"You can do it, too," Lily buried her face in his neck as he held her legs around his waist. "We can leave together, Tate…"

xxXXxx

They made one last time, in Tate's old bedroom. An easy gliding rhythm, as she bounced a top his lap, her eyes closed, wondering what it would be like on the other side, wondering where they would go. It didn't matter if it be heaven or hell, as she knew that they had both commit enough sin to wind up in the same place. Besides, the universe wouldn't dare separate them, not now, not after everything.

They lay naked in the empty house, Tate running his fingers through her hair. "Tomorrow, we'll leave tomorrow. It's your birthday tomorrow, I think…"

Lily giggled. "It can't be my birthday tomorrow. We don't even know when Halloween is anymore."

Tate shook his head, staring at the dim lights of the night sky. So long since they had really seen a star— but that didn't matter, now they'd be going somewhere far less polluted, much more beautiful. "No, no, I know what your birthday feels like. Tomorrow is your birthday for sure."

Lily smiled. "Then it must have been your birthday 6 months ago…"

"Mm, yes, remember?" Tate nudged her. "I must've turned a hundred. I'm such an old man now, and you are old, too."

Lily looked at him quizzically.

"We've grown old together, Lily… Perhaps we even got married. Had a few kids the normal way…"

Lily smiled, running her fingers along the paths of his arms. "Perhaps." She sighed and laid back beside him. "Perhaps we moved several times, lived all over the world."

"We most certainly did that. And you learned many languages, and our beautiful children grew to be quite the cultural group."

"Then what?"

"Then I became a rock star."

They both laughed.

"Like Kurt Cobain?" Lily asked sleepily.

"Just like Kurt Cobain," Tate replied, kissing her forehead. He began to hum a tune.

"Oh, stop it, you know I hate that song," Lily replied, but her voice was soft with her exhaustion.

She drifted off, Tate humming in her ear.

_Come on death, come on death, come on death, come on death  
>Surly, surly, surly, surly<br>I'm does finishing to hell  
>And I'm does, and I'm does hell…<em>

xxXXxx

They sat, legs crossed, quietly on the wood floors of the bedroom, right over the spot where they both had died. Their eyes were shut, their breathing deep, and their hands were clasped tightly together, arms stretched out to one another.

It had been taking longer than they thought. It hadn't been the instantaneous departure that they had hoped. They must have been sitting there for hours. Days, even.

They had spoken a few times, only to ultimately agree that silence was the best method. To only focus on the other leaving, on the other's hands carrying them away from the house.

They had stood in every room, shouting the different words that had made everyone else leave. Now, the house was silent.

Lily's mind drifted away, thinking of Tate in a brighter place. Thinking of leaving the house with him finally, thinking of a better world, a better existence.

It did cross her mind that perhaps they would leave and go nowhere. Maybe this would be the end of the two of them, but it didn't matter. Tate had been right, they had lived their life together, now it was time to see what was next.

She remembered the nowhere place, where she had been stuck long ago. She remembered all the blood, all the self-harm, and all the wounds that had taken her there. But, this would be easier, right? Now, she only had to focus on carrying herself and Tate away, to somewhere new.

Easier than falling asleep, she kept thinking. Getting Tate out of here should be easier than falling asleep….

**~Lily~**

One moment, I could feel his grasp tight in mine, the next, I couldn't. I opened my eyes to find myself grasping at air.

Tate was nowhere in sight. I felt the house shift with the absence of another soul, and felt myself begin to panic.

I ran the halls, screaming his name. It produced no fruits, as he was nowhere to be found. Down, deep in the crawlspace I found antiqued crumpled fading pictures I had once drawn of his face, but aside from that, Tate was gone from the house.

The house was empty. There were no more razors to cut myself free, no bathtubs to drown myself in. I found myself, collapsed on the floor, screaming and crying.

Never had it occurred to us that we wouldn't leave together. Tate had promised not to leave, he had promised!

"You swore!" I shouted at no one, my voice hoarse. "You swore you wouldn't leave without me!"

**~Tate~**

I could feel her, tugging at me. But, she was not anywhere to be seen. There was a light in the distance, even brighter than the whiteness around me, but all I could feel with that Lily was not with me.

The floor was almost plexiglass, almost like a glass bottomed boat… I knelt over it and stared down. Through the fog, I could see her, curled in a ball on the wood floor, sobbing. But, I couldn't reach her. I pounded on the glass, calling her name as she screamed.

_Tate._ A soft voice called from the light. _Tate, come this way._ The voice was barely a whisper, but it drew my red eyes towards the light. _Tate, this is where you need to go, come to me…_

I felt myself shaking. "No!" I grit my teeth. "Not without her."

_She'll be along soon, Tate, you just come towards me… _

I shook my head. "You're lying!"

_Don't you want to come home, Tate?_

"It's not home without her!" I looked back through the fog under the glass, Lily seeming even farther away. "If she's coming soon, I'll wait for her." I nodded solemnly. "I'll wait forever if I have to."

**xxXXxx**

She never moved from the wood floor. It may have been years in her world, years in my new world, but neither of us moved. I sat, staring at her, murmuring when it seemed appropriate, shouting when I got desperate.

Time passed, though, and the fog got thicker and thicker each time I looked towards the light and glanced back at her. My eyes strained to find her until, all at once, I could see nothing.

_Come on, Tate. It's been long enough… Come home. _

Dazed and confused, I found myself wandering towards the light, forgetting what had held me from it in the first place…

.


	21. Chapter 21

**Finally and with a heavy heart, I present to you the last installment of Let Me Love My Killer. **

I didn't move again. There was no point anymore, was there? I couldn't move, I let myself believe. I was suddenly paralyzed. When Ben pushed me, he must have fractured my spine, that made sense. It had only taken a few days to set in.

Over the years, I forgot who Ben was. I couldn't recall the names or faces of anyway, aside from Tate. I found my mind carelessly trying to remember the chained boy in the attic, the girl with the doe brown eyes. But, it didn't hold these thoughts for long. It couldn't.

He had spent his life with me. And I hadn't cherished it enough, had I? If I had known, all those years hiding and watching him sleep, that I'd be without him one day, I wouldn't have wasted my time. I would have held him every moment I could manage.

I couldn't call the details any longer, once it had been long enough on that floor. I could only remember how beautiful he was, and I could only feel the flashes of gold memory, when he would chase me through the house. I remembered the feel of his arms around me. I remembered how it felt to have him inside me, but that only made me ache to have him once more.

I didn't move. I didn't have the will too without him.

But, then, after an eternity, the floor creaked downstairs. The front door banged open, and a gentle thudding woke me enough to rouse myself and curiosity drew me to the top of the stairs.

An old woman hobbled in, a cane carrying most of her weight. She didn't care to shut the door behind her. Her eyes immediately met mine.

I couldn't find my voice to question who she was. I saw that an oxygen tank dragged behind her, that tubes led to her nose, a mask covering her mouth. She didn't speak, either, all I could hear was her labored breathing.

She raised a wrinkled hand and beckoned me towards her. I descended the stairs slowly, cautious, but feeling drawn to find out why this decrepit creature was here.

I stood before her, and she reached out a hand to hold onto my arm, firm as she balanced without her cane. Her other hand came slowly to her mouth and pulled away the tubes, lifting the mask.

She took one labored breath, and I realized that without the machine, this woman was bound to die. She quickly slumped, her body failing.

"Who are you?" I shouted angrily. "What are you doing here?"

Her hand reached for my face weakly as she feel to her knees. "Come… here…" She choked out.

I leaned towards her. "I have to get you out of here. You don't want to die here."

She somehow managed to smile at me and garbled out something resembling a laugh. "Of course…. I… do…." She feel to the floor all together. "I'm home… Mom."

I backed away, as if her hands would burn me. No. Those brown eyes, worn with age, those couldn't be the brown eyes I had tried to put out all those years ago. _Just some crazy old loon, _I tried to calm myself. _Just go back to your room, someone will come for the body I'm sure. Drag it out to the front lawn and forget about it. _

However, just as I reached for her corpse, hoping she wasn't quite gone yet, a shrill scream echoed throughout the house. It was so loud, I thought it would burst my ears. Perhaps I would die from how loud the crying was…

It was crying, but where was it coming from? I abandoned the corpse, feeling that this must be the more pressing issue.

I wondered the halls of the house, following the wretched sound.

As I walked up the steps, I realized the sound was familiar. I had heard it, ages ago, when that woman had made me hold her-

No. There couldn't be a baby, not in this house. Not after some old woman had died.

_You heard her, Lily. She called you Mom._

As I rounded the corner to the third floor, I saw the bundle atop the stairs. A small hand poked upwards towards the sunlight streaming in the window.

I collapsed before it, afraid to pull back the blanket holding it. Afraid to see those brown eyes again.

_You can't escape it this time. Your mother made it be, and now she's come back for you._

I reached a hand out, and once my fingers clenched the blanket, the crying grew to a crescendo. I pulled the sheet back, revealing the face.

The voices were laughing in my head. The woman had been the baby, conceived in my belly long ago. Now, she had come back. And now, she was stuck here.

_Stuck, stuck, stuck._

I lifted the crying bundle without a word, and walked back towards the staircase, stopping along the banister. I reached out over the rail, and dropped the bundle over it, the crying silencing on impact.

_You know it'll be right back, though, Lily. You know this is your new punishment, your new purgatory. All alone with the unnatural monster you created. _

I stared at the lifeless bundle below me, trying to block out the voice. _If only someone out there loved you…_

The crying began again, the bundle moving. I covered my ears, beginning to formulate more murders, more ways to silence the noise.

_I always knew I was dating a sociopath. I always knew I was dating a sociopath. I always knew I was dating a sociopath. _

Maybe I could get water to run somewhere, drown the baby away, make the screaming stop. Halloween would come along eventually, I could buy knives and razors and cut the baby's head away and bring it somewhere far from the body and make the crying stop forever. Perhaps a saw…

_I always knew I was dating a sociopath. I always knew I was dating a sociopath. I always knew I was dating a sociopath. _

_**I always knew I was a sociopath.**_

My own voice rung in my ears, taunting me. _I was the monster, I had done it all. I had seduced the poor boy, made a monster with his seed. It had all been me, all been my fault all along._

"Hush crazy Lily," I spoke over the voice in my head. "Hush crazy Lily, don't say a word!" I snapped.

The voice was laughing as I continued on. "No one even knows about the voice you heard!" The crying didn't stop, so I spoke louder. "Tate's gone forever, I'll never win. I now know that killing is a mortal sin!"

I felt tears streaming down my face. I was going to be in this house forever. There had been no white lights, no nothingness, not for me. All I had now was this house, this crying baby, this _**hell **_forever.

"Shush, crazy Lily…." I whispered through the tears. "Let the darkness consume you, too…"


End file.
